After landing in Cyprus, everything was a blur of frenetic activity. I lost track of Reags, Max, and the medical team; they must have been in another car. All I knew was that Terry, Dino, Dr. Amison, and I were in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, and I still had Terry’s laptop over my shoulder. There was no way I was letting go of either one of them – Terry or the laptop. I was still afraid a lot of things could go wrong.
This whole thing was pretty weird to me on two counts. First, this operation wasn’t mine; I was a foot soldier, simply saying, “Yes, Sir” with no attitude attached and doing precisely what I was told. The best I could do is not get confused …and keep jumping.
I was fascinated sitting on the sidelines at the villa watching my chosen family in work mode; I literally got to be a fly on the wall. Most of the operations I had run had a lot more laughter in the planning phase, but we had the Pentagon to mock. My guys had saved the testosterone ramp up for the flight to wherever they were going. I never got to see them in the last few hours before they went operational; I was stuck in a situation room somewhere, waiting. Terry and Max didn't have a flight over to get ready and never would; they were boots on the ground for the negotiation so their testosterone overload was very tangible, at least to me. I must admit, I won't be going to any more locations voluntarily. Although Terry has said he doesn’t want me in that part of his life, if he ever does, I'll be there with bells on to make his life easier. Lacking a lifetime of military combat behind me, I am not comfortable in that part of his world, and I don't have the time to get those skills developed.
I wonder if my guys were as rough on their women as Terry was with me last night. I have to think they were because Terry, for all his polish and sophistication, is a bloke at heart. That’s one of the things I love about him – how much of a regular guy he is. Now I wish I’d done more for the women waiting at home for my teams’ returns. I’d have gotten to them as soon as the news blackouts had been lifted. I’d been blind to how integrally involved each of them had been. Well, hell. On a couple of ops I still wouldn't be able to talk to them; some of those trips never 'officially' happened.
I hate not making any of the arrangements – no flights to schedule, no ground transportation, no hotel reservations. Terry, Dino, and Max are so used to working alone it’s a miracle they don't step on each other's toes more often when they’re in the same country, working on the same case. For all his laidback appearance, Terry can be such a control freak; that’s one of his traits I’ve learned to accept and sigh over. He couldn't even let me handle the non-essential logistics. I can understand his dealing with Executive Jet, the hospital, and ambulances before hand, but I couldn't be trusted to talk to the damned Ritz Carlton in Paris? Well, since Max speaks French, perhaps he was the better option in terms of getting us out of a late cancellation fee. Besides, he’ll probably be talking to a woman, and he’s the third best man on the planet – behind Terry and Dino – at charming women. Of course, if the woman happens to be a little old lady, Max jumps to the head of the line. I suppose I ought to be thrilled that Terry let me pack him out of the villa. Along with breaking down the office, when it looked like Terry wouldn't be back early from his embassy runs, I packed all our clothes so that we’d have the night free. I think that moves us one more step down the road to marking us as a couple.
The second weird thing about all this is dealing with all these people. “I usually do this by myself.” Terry said it, but it’s the story of my life. About the only time I have someone around is when I’m schooling a horse over fences. It’s a safety issue. It’s hard to dial 911 if you’re unconscious. The chances of being unconscious go up exponentially when wooden jumps and horses are involved. Since Terry has come to the farm, I don’t have to trade time with other riders as often to have a second person around. I hand him a beer, sit him in the shade with his phone, and voila, instant safety net.
Since meeting Max, Dino, and Terry, I’ve been getting more comfortable having additional people around, but I’m nowhere near being fine with it. Under such stressful circumstances, I was less than fine. I was accustomed to dealing only with Reags, and I can always tell her to shut up. Intellectually, I knew everyone had to be around. Emotionally, I wanted to deal with as few people as possible. Please, God, don’t let me snap at any of these folks unless it’s at Reags. We’ve been snapping at each other for years, and neither of us even notices any more.
DINO
The ride to the hospital was remarkably silent. Terry was still out – not unusual for a man who takes as few drugs as possible. I’ve seen him with a killer headache, the pain palpable on his face. What does he do for it? First, he tries a beer. Then he pops a couple of Panadols. If that doesn’t work, he wills himself to sleep. Dee was still holding his hand; she hadn’t let it go even getting him off the plane and into the ambulance. I couldn’t read her face and didn’t want to begin a conversation until I could be totally rational. Hell, what was I going to say? “I’m sorry I got your man shot?” Not a good way to get it started. Surely, she knew I wouldn’t have let it happen if there had been any way to avoid it. Besides, we had a long few hours in front of us. More than enough time for words as a distraction. I would also be closer to medical help if she chose to let go on me. Maybe if she would just beat on me, I’d feel better.
Arrival at the hospital was another blur of activity. Apparently, the van with Max, Reags, and the medical team fell into the vacuum created by the ambulance racing down the road with lights flashing since they tumbled out of it in front of what was, presumably, the emergency entrance. I moved to the head of Terry’s stretcher, running interference in case some fool got in the way. The Larnaca General trauma team was being briefed by Amison while Terry was being wheeled into the building. Max passed me and got the doors to emergency open until we were through. Reags must be trotting along beside Dee, probably with her arm around her. I wouldn’t take the time to look right now.
The operating rooms had to be straight ahead because Max had those doors open as well. I heard the resident surgeon telling his staff Amison would be assisting for a bit, and he gestured in the general direction of Dee and Reags for the paperwork. I guess it doesn’t matter what country you happen to be in, paperwork is required. What’s the old saying? The job ain’t finished until the paperwork is done. Well, yeah!
I turned to see Dee place Terry’s hand on the gurney and let the momentum drag her fingers down his to his fingertips. Yep, I was right; Reags had her arm around Dee dragging her away. I do believe Dee would have followed him into the operating room if Reags hadn't pulled her to the waiting room.
Waiting. I know of no one who hates waiting more than I, with the possible exception of Dino. I had nothing to occupy myself at present, no blades to hone, nothing to occupy my hands or my thoughts. I do not respond well to idleness; that trait was trained out of me in the Army. Others were occupied with tasks, assigned and unassigned. The ever-charming Dino had gone to the nurse's station on Terry's ward to gain better care for him. Diana and Cassandra were busy filling out hospital papers; a nurse was translating the questions for them. They fell silent and motioned to me. I rose and joined them. That gave me something to do for the moment.
“Do you think we can get away with saying leg pain for admitting symptoms?” asked Diana quietly. “Hopefully, the admitting papers and the treatment papers won’t get matched until we’re gone.”
“You may wish to try that. Perhaps Dino might keep the clerical staff entertained whilst they attempt to do their filing.” I had no doubts regarding his ability to keep the pretty Cypriot nurses occupied with something other than matching paperwork.
All the busy work was done. Paperwork signed and submitted; Lachlan had our baggage delivered; at least we’d all have clean clothes to wear once we’d showered off the gore. Cordite and sweat are not my favorite fragrances. Max beat the rest of us to the showers before our go bags had arrived, but he looks pretty good in surgical scrubs. I’d already noticed a couple of sweet young things approach him, obviously hoping he was going to be their ‘doctor.’ Now there’s a visual …Maximus playing ‘doctor.’ I almost had to slap my hand over my mouth to contain the maniacal giggle that threatened to escape. Yes, I had hit hysterical.
Reags, being imminently practical and Southern, made sure one of the nurses aides got us some food since we weren’t at home and couldn’t rely on the local church women’s group arriving with comfort food, as is the custom in Texas. Max, Dino, and Reags had to be ravenous. I know I was, and with nothing to do but wait, my stomach was making its emptiness known.
“Where the fuck did that guy come from?” I asked in my best imitation of Dino’s overheard radio transmission and laughed. That finally broke the tension. Max sat back laughing first so I wouldn’t be the only one – obviously he knows that I don’t blame him or Dino for Terry’s being wounded, and Reags with her understanding of my sense of humor and approach to tense situations, got the joke. Dino laughed nervously; he hasn't stopped feeling guilty about Terry's injury. Yet.
For the whole shitload of people I was forced to have around me right now, Max, Reags, and Dino are the best I could wish for. We let Dino have the shower in Terry's room first; he was the bloodiest. I was the last to change. I didn't need the shower, only privacy to get into some clean clothes.
Once everyone was fed, showered, and changed, we still had a long wait before Terry would wake according to the doctor. There was no time like the present to get Dino to fill in the blanks about Quito. Reags and Max could sit with Terry; Dino and I could sit down the hall a little and still see the door. I could be by Terry's side in less than five seconds.
“Dino, could you walk with me a while?” Of the five faces in the room, only two didn’t look shocked – Terry's and mine. I had my game face on; Terry's was peaceful in sleep.
Mr. Nonchalant was only momentarily nonplussed; he came back quickly. “For you, I can do that.”
I kissed Terry on the forehead. “I'll be right down the hall, Boomer. I won't be long.”
Dino sat beside me on the wooden bench, turned me around so my back was to him, and proceeded to give me a great neck and shoulder rub. Once he could feel the knots coming undone, he finally asked, “What's on your mind, Beautiful?”
As much as I wanted him to continue the back rub, 75% of what Dino would tell me would be in his eyes. I turned back around to face him. “Did you hear what Terry told me about Quito?”
DINO
Shit! That came out of the blue. I thought she wanted to talk about Terry getting shot. Not this. I tried to keep my eyes in their normal squint. “On the plane? I think I was back up front if he mentioned Quito.”
“To refresh your memory. He said your contact in Quito ran whores. Is that true?”
“My guy is into anything shady so I imagine he may have a few girls.” I could tell the truth about that.
“How long were you and Terry apart the night before you came home?”
I can answer that question truthfully as well. I won't answer the question she wants to know. “We must have gotten back to the hotel at 0100 or 0130. He met me for breakfast about 0800.”
“Before one, where did Terry go without you, and how long was he gone?” She reached for my hand as if it could or would confirm her worst fears. “If I hear it from you first, I won't react so strongly when Terry tells me about it.”
Dammit, Terry. I'm glad you felt safe enough to ramble on, but couldn't you have told Dee you loved her instead? Why in hell did you have to bring up Quito? All the shit you could have said, but, no, you had to bring up Quito. Buddy, that was a big tell on how much it’s eating at you. Now I'm stuck with cleaning up your mess. Dee said nothing, did nothing for a 45-second lifetime.
“You're good at waiting people out, aren't you?”
Dee clenched her jaw in reply; she's even starting to act like him. She wouldn't even give me a word to break the silence.
“He was out of my sight for no more than 15 to 20 minutes.” Actually, it had been slightly over half-an-hour. Either the whore really got him into it, or he was having trouble getting it up with her. Either way, I wasn’t telling Dee because I didn't know; she's looking for accurate information. “Dee, men don't time each other. I don't know how long he was gone. I do know it cost him a lot to gain my guy's trust, but he's safer now, if that gives you any consolation.”
“You only know a very small fraction of what it cost him. Physically, he felt like shit for three days. He talked about ....” She stopped, reconsidered her words, and took another tack. “I don't care what he has to do to be safe when he's away from me as long as he comes home. Thank you for working your magic to get him home on that trip because he was too drunk to get on an airplane by himself that day. I don't know how you did it, but I'm grateful. And thank you for getting him back to me today.”
No wonder Terry is so in love with this woman. She’s only giving me a grateful, thank you hug, and I can feel her soul in it. I felt my guilt float away.
“However, next time he's with you, will you please try harder not to get him hurt?” Absolution with a zinger.
I started swimming up from wherever the fuck I’d been, wondering why I wasn’t waking fast like I normally do. Diana’s hand was back holding mine. Thank Christ …some consistency. It had to be Diana, as I couldn’t imagine Reags doing that unless both Diana’s arms had been broken.
We got Veronica. Oh, Christ. I accelerated the kid’s street education by five or six years. Why had I been swearing? I have fuzz for brains. Since I can’t seem to wake up, I’ll just give it up as a bad job and sleep some more.
“Maximus, would you get one of the nurses, please? Terry’s coming round …his eyelids are fluttering, and I don’t think it’s REM.” Though I hated to have him leave me for a moment, he was closest to the door in the crowded room. We had bodies everywhere. I didn’t even bother with trying to pry Dee off Terry’s hand. As a guy in one of the few TV commercials I find amusing said in one of last year’s offerings, “'saint happenin'.”
“I thought it was just me willing him to come around.” Dee was reading my thoughts and concerns as usual. After all the time we’ve been friends, we seem to think with the same frigging brain cell. Dee hadn't done needles well before this, and I anticipated that she would go back to that behaviour now, even though she’d done great on the aircraft on the way to Cyprus. I don’t think she’s taken her eyes off Terry’s face since he came out of recovery. I doubted she’d look at the IV at all while it was in place. When I’d been in hospital last fall, she’d stayed as far away from the IV in my left hand as possible.
“You’re close. It’s too soon for him to be fully awake, but the eye movement is a good sign. Give him another few hours, but be prepared for him to be in and out. Don’t expect coherence for a while.” I’m sure he did it to make a liar of me because Terry chose that moment to speak. His first question told me he’d forgotten – at least for the short term – that Dee had been in Cairo the entire time we were there. That’s what blood loss, shock, and a good jolt of Versed followed by morphine will do for you.
That’s Diana’s voice. “How’d we get to Dallas?”
“Hey, Terry. Want some ice chips?” Yes. Definitely, Diana’s voice. Why is she offering me ice chips when I really want a steak, a root, and a beer, not necessarily in that order? Maybe she’s waiting for me to open my eyes. I can do that. Then again, maybe I can’t.
I thought the waiting through surgery was long. At least Terry was having something done for him, so I was okay with waiting although I couldn’t do anything. Somewhere, someone was doing something for Terry. Now, all anybody could do was wait. Even Terry. God, but I hate waiting.
We had exhausted all topics of conversation. I'd even described in loving detail the last footy match I’d watched. I think it lost something in the telling because I couldn’t remember the teams who had played, and I definitely lost my captive audience. They were in various stages of nodding off. Stress does strange things to the mind; I could remember the match in detail but not the teams. The one person who could have helped me with that – he knew who was playing, even though he didn’t watch the match - was still out like a light. We took his lead and fell silent for a long damned time, probably a good 20 minutes.
Terry’s cell phone ringing on the bedside table broke the silence. We all started laughing at me scrambling to grab it before it vibrated off the table. I was laughing at the vibrating. I looked up and could tell Reags read my thoughts regarding my pre-Terry days; my rabbit vibrator had been retired when Terry came along. The two of us laughed harder. I don’t think we’ll tell Max what we found so amusing. Then again, Reags just might tell him …with her, you never know. I don’t think she and Max have many – if any - secrets from each other. Terry and I are working towards that.
I flipped the phone open, and it dawned on me I didn’t know how to answer it. Who was I? I’m not his wife; it would sound stupid to say girlfriend. I could pretend to be his secretary convincingly. I’ve heard my own secretaries fend off calls for me. Thank you, Dorothy, for showing me how to do this.
Max had a very concerned look on his face, more concerned than was warranted for a simple cell phone call, and it was mirrored on Dino’s and Reags’ faces. Did they think the kidnappers were calling to ask if they’d gotten away cleanly, and, oh, by the way, did you happen to take our friend with you? I didn’t have a thing to prove to myself about my competency, but I did to Max and Dino; Reags knows I can wing damned near any situation that comes around. Whoever it was, I would control this phone call.
“Mr. Thorne’s office.” Just in case it was the bad guys, I punched up the sound so Max could hear as well. His ear was only four inches away. If he couldn’t hear from there, we were getting the boy some hearing aids as soon as we got home.
“Is Mr. Thorne available, please?” With the exception of corporate wars, I’ve never heard of a bad guy using that formal a voice. In the board room, the more courtesy they used, the worse the fight was going to be. This sounded like any run of the mill business call, and the voice was female; they don’t call them bad ‘guys’ for nothing.
“I’m sorry. Mr. Thorne is not available. I’m his assistant. May I help you?” I figured if I needed to, I could be Purchasing, PR, Marketing, Legal, and Accounting as well as Human Resources. I could run her sorry ass all over the company if she got snotty with me. I needed to be ugly to someone, and this unfortunate lady made the call and gave me the opportunity. Hell, I was primed and chomping at the bit.
“Were you aware that Mr. Thorne had a long term car rental in Cairo recently?” Miss Unfortunate asked.
“Why, yes, I was. I reviewed the contract this morning and was checking for lower prices right before he told me he’d left it at the Executive Air Terminal.” Hey, I could get into this Miss Snotty Bitch routine even knowing that I ought to be more conciliatory with her. I do not feel like being nice right now.
“Um, well, this is the rental agency. We were also told that Mr. Thorne had left the car at the Executive Air Terminal, but we are unable to locate it.”
“Then I suggest that you check with your contracts and insurance departments. I’m quite sure Mr. Thorne took the theft coverage option on his lease.”
“Yes, he did. Our next phone call was to be the police. We wanted to save Mr. Thorne any embarrassment.”
“Mr. Thorne is rarely embarrassed. I would expect him to have no reaction to your difficulty, as it’s your job to deal with such situations. I can hear him saying, ‘I need to get on about my business. Let the insurance companies sort this out.’ If there is nothing else, good luck with the police and good day.” As I snapped the phone shut, Max, Dino and Reags grinned, and Reags and I high-fived each other.
I wish Terry would wake up so I could hear him say anything.
“Mr. Thorne? Can you open your eyes for me?” That’s not Diana’s voice. I won’t open my eyes until she asks me. On second thought, there’s too much going on around me for me not to know what’s going on; Mr. Need-to-Know needs to know. I crack an eye open only to see the expected IV in my arm. How the hell did I know that? Oh, yeah. I got shot. Oh, Christ. I got shot. Diana is going to kill me. Now that’s funny; I giggle.
“Terry, it really isn’t appropriate to giggle with your eyes closed with so many people in the room. If it was just the two of us and you giggled, that would be fine irrespective of whether your eyes were open or shut, but we have a crowd in here.” Diana is whispering in my ear. God, it really is her. Thank Christ. How the hell did she get here?
That’s as close as I’m going to get to Diana asking me to open my eyes. My eyes are still firmly closed. “Are you going to kill me for getting shot?” I open my eyes in case she answers me with a gesture. Surely, she wouldn’t flip off a wounded man? Her face is right in front of me. Wish she’d back up a bit so I don’t have to look at her cross-eyed. My wish is granted.
“No, I’m not going to kill you for getting shot. But you may end up wishing you were dead when you start calling me Drill Instructor before your rehab is over.” The next voice I hear is Maxie’s.
“If necessary, I will be present to give her – and you - respite. I suspect I would expect less of you than will she.” Yes, I think I would rather have Max as my DI.
As I look round, I see Max, Reags, and Dino. Why is Max in surgical scrubs? Is he playing doctor these days? Why are all these people in our bedroom? Too many questions for me to be concerned about. Diana has my hand, and I think the nurse put another pain injection in my IV. With these guys around, I don’t need to wor …. Oopsie, poopsie! I think I’m gone again.
“He doesn’t remember me being in Cairo, does he?” I looked at Reags who shook her head as she spoke.
“It’s nothing to worry about, Dee …pretty common after the trauma he’s had and all the narcotics and sedatives, not to mention the Versed.”
I put Terry’s hand down. I had to if I was going get everyone out of here. I started herding people towards the door.
“There is no reason for ya’ll to stay now, especially if he’s going to be like this for the next couple of days, and you all know what a grouch he’ll be when he does get lucid. Dino, you need to get in some beach time, and Max, you and Reags have a hotel reservation in Rome.”
There was truth in Dee’s words. That was going to be one confused, angry man for a bit. Hopefully, that catheter would be out soon; that would help his outlook a little. Terry was in the best of hands with Dee at his side, and they deserved the time together. I followed Max out of the room, with Dee bringing up the rear as she and Reags talked.
Being good Southern women, it would take Reags and Dee a good 30 minutes to do their leave taking. I found seats for Max and me on the bench Dee and I’d shared earlier. From that vantage point, we could nod our assent to them when required, which wouldn't be often. About ten minutes later, Max spoke.
“Dino, may I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.” Dee’s unintentional puns rub off on all of us.
“Why are they still talking after having twice said their farewells?”
“It’s a Southern thing, Max. It’s like the conversation gets going only after the words, ‘We have to be leaving,’ are said. We’re still 20 minutes away from getting out of this hallway, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t have enough spit to keep me standing for another 20 minutes.”
Max nodded; it was well timed, as Reags and Dee looked at us for affirmation of some kind and saw his nod. He didn’t have to expend any more energy to respond a second time, and I didn’t have to do anything but keep my ass parked right where it was.
Something having to do with sex happened in Quito. Dino hadn't given me the gory details. Terry hadn't even told me in words that anything had happened. I connected the dots and added in the missing pieces on my own. Terry had left with a prostitute, and his honorable nature had made him feel like he betrayed me. The only missing piece was what kind of sex had transpired.
Did I feel betrayed? I think I ought to, but I can't. I can find a lot of reasons for his silence. I don't even blame him for keeping it from me then. We were too new, too fragile, feeling our way along. How had I let him down to the degree that he couldn't tell me some time since then?
We’d spent more time together in Cairo than we had at home. That would be changing. We’d have some time here before he could make the trip home. Then it would be a while before he could go into the office. We’ll have lots of time while he's recuperating to do some serious talking and get him through this. If he was up to it, I could find some way to introduce Quito and all its implications before we left Cyprus.
As luck would have it, the next time Terry woke, I was checking the fingernail marks on my right hand from his death grip on it in the plane. Uh, oh. Sounded like he was pretty alert, all things considered. Well, his being awake was a good sign, but I wasn’t enjoying his lingering confusion.
“What happened to your hand?”
“Let me get your nurse in here, and once she’s finished, we can talk uninterrupted if you can stay awake long enough.” I ruffled his hair. I had been dying to do that ever since hearing Dino’s first words on the radio.
After his nurse got his vitals and left us alone, I broached the subject of his temporary memory loss. “What’s the last thing you remember?” I dragged the chair that had become my home as close to his bed as I could to put his big hand between both of mine. With his bum left leg and the IV in his right arm, I was pretty much SOL for getting any closer than that.
Terry drew a breath and started, “I got shot. Everything before that is pretty sketchy and random. I saw Max pick up one of the dead guys. I fixated on the dead guy’s arse over Max’s shoulder; it made me focus outside myself and got my mind off my leg. The car ride across Cairo threw me around a lot. I do recall being loaded onto the aircraft on the stretcher. Thought I saw you but knew that couldn’t be right. I think I meant to tell you something but can’t remember what …I think I may have told you something anyway.”
“OK, I didn’t say anything while you were talking and please give me that same courtesy because you may not like part of it. Deal?”
“Is it going to be long? Will you at least pause sometimes so I can swear if necessary?”
“Of course, I’ll take swear breaks – just for you.” If you act as if you’re brave, you will be brave. “Let me start a little before the last thing you remember. I think it will make more sense.”
This was when I started rushing through the explanation. “I was in Cairo before you and Max and Reags arrived. I was working on a project at the Embassy …do you remember any of that?” I was so proud of myself for not talking to his chest because knowing that he wouldn’t remember I was there was going to make him angry at himself. I looked directly into his eyes. I needed to read every non-verbal message he could send.
“Bloody oath! How much don’t I recall? Is this going to be permanent?” was all he said but the storm cloud look on his face would probably be there a long time. Let’s face it, his brain was working better but still not great. He wouldn’t be listening to logic right now. So what did I do? Just what I always do …started in with logic. Great.
“Swear break over. It doesn’t matter that you have some short-term memory loss. The doctor and Reags both said that’s not unusual after a traumatic injury. It will come back to you in time.”
Terry declared a swear break. “Where the fuck are we?”
I answered without considering the options. “Cyprus.” Now that was stupid of me. I’m starting with the hard explanations, and he just wants to know where he is. I really am a rookie at this. Fortunately, I’m good at changing tactics on the fly. “Do you know what day it is?”
“Haven’t a clue.” At least some of the cheekiness is coming back if only for a bit.
“It’s Saturday afternoon …in Cyprus.” Now that confused him.
Terry asked again, “We’re in Cyprus?”
“Yes, Cyprus. You’re in the hospital.” I saw the light staying on in his eyes. Now we’re getting somewhere. “We can get out of here as soon as you are fever free for 24 hours. The clock started ticking last time your nurse was in.”
I almost saw a twinkle in his eye. “Then we can go home.” Home, Terry said, go home. Those were still about the sweetest words I’ve ever heard; he remembered us. At least I thought he did. His memory was so spotty; I needed to double check.
“Where's home for you?”
He looked confused. Did my question confuse him, or does he not know where he lives? “Our place north of Dallas. We live together. Don't we? Did I dream that?”
Fucking great. I'm confusing him more. “Yes, we live together north of Dallas.”
The rest of this conversation can wait until tomorrow. All the things he doesn't remember are important, but he does remember me and calls my place home. I don’t want this feeling to end right now. The hard part is yet to come.
I’m not particularly tired, but I will do anything to get this catheter out of my dick, my body out of this bed, this needle out of my arm, and get into real clothes, the kind where my arse isn’t hanging out. If Reags makes one more remark about my ‘Seymour Heinie designer nightwear,’ I may be forced to hurt her when I get my strength back.
I’m also so hungry I could eat a whole steer. Right, not likely I’ll get any food like that whilst I’m in hospital. We need to get this show on the road.
Diana had started getting me grounded in reality again by holding my free hand in both of hers. Somehow during this conversation, we have managed to get her face on the pillow next to mine, our shoulders touching, her arm laying on the outside of mine. I want her closer but with the diagonal disabilities, she can’t. Neither side is free of medical encumbrances. Since she has my good hand in hers, I’ll have to ask her to get the doctor and nurse in here to get some of this shit out of me.
“Diana, will you ring for the nurse?”
She jumps, mashing on the buzzer repeatedly as if I’ve had a heart attack. I should know to give her more information than that. The nurse must think I’ve have thrown an embolism. Hell, who knows what awful thing Diana thinks has happened to me?
“Stop. Settle. We need more information on where I need to be physically to get out of here.” That got Diana sorted before she was out the door and down the hall, but the buzzer did get the nurse and doctor into the room quickly. It also got that damned catheter out even though the IV stayed in. Too much blood loss to lose the IV yet. At least, now I can piss without someone measuring it.
I still can’t hold her. This is going to be a long night.
I’m too tired to sleep. My jaw is tight and sore from having it clenched for so long. My back is sore from carrying all my tension there. The tension and trying to corkscrew my body so I can get as close to Terry as I can without hurting him is catching up with me.
Terry was not a bit happy with the food selection. What was he expecting? A steak and a VB? Knowing Terry, he probably was.
At midnight and after listening to him complain about his butt being sore, I helped him into the chair that had been my home for longer than I cared to remember. There had been such a sigh of relief from him at that, almost as big a sigh as I heard coming from the john when he was able to pee by himself after getting rid of the catheter. I didn't bother to point out that the self same sore butt was still down, but now it was down in the chair rather than the bed. I was too tired, sore, and hungry myself to pick a fight. I knew my tone would come across really badly.
I crawled into his vacated bed, and both of us fell asleep almost immediately, my hand resting on top of his. I don’t think we even said good night.
Who knew sleeping in a recliner could be so refreshing? I was so damned glad to be out of that bed, and I got in some of my hours of sitting up ticked off for the doctor. We were getting out of here today if I could possibly influence it.
Mulling over our conversation, it started dawning on me that it was possible that Diana had been in Cairo all along. I did recall her being on the aircraft, and there were snippets that I recalled of talking to her at the Embassy …and I recalled talking her downstairs and out front at the Hilton. That’s a convo I’ll never forget; it was quintessential Diana. Yesterday, she’d been trying to tackle the big issues – like why she was here - and let the little ones sort through themselves. I’d been having trouble focusing on where the hell I was – a small issue for those who are not drugged out. Where I was at present was a big issue for me; for her, it was a small matter.
I turned her hand over and sat looking at the marks in her palm. She said, “They don’t hurt. I wouldn’t care to do it again, but they don’t hurt.”
“I did that? When?”
“After the Versed kicked in …when I held your hand …on the plane.”
“If I’m going to get my memory back any time soon, I need you telling me what I don’t recall in detail so that the memories get reinstated.” I was incredibly frustrated with the memory loss. No reassurance in the world was making me feel any better.
“I was trying yesterday, but you were too loopy to understand. You were having a tough time getting a grip on where we are, let alone where we were.”
She had me there. But that was yesterday. Today …today I was getting a shower, a shave, and a hospital release, along with some explanations.
I am not a happy man. I should be happy. The IV is finally out, and I even got eggs for breakfast. I'm getting out of hospital.
“I know it’s hospital policy for patients to be wheeled out, Diana, but I'm sick of being in this bed or the chair.”
“Terry, be reasonable. You’re one-legged, OK, two-legged right now, but your dick is NOT doing a great job of getting you the five steps to the john. You’re so weak that you’re sweaty and spent by the time you get back to bed.”
The twitching muscles in my jaw should have been telling her how close she's coming to my breaking point. We’ve been going at it since the doctor said I could leave as soon as my transport arrived.
“Sit down before you fall down and listen to me. I promise not to hover over you the way you did over me when I had the spot on my neck removed. Remember?”
Fuck, yes, I remembered. She’d taken off the bandage the first night though the after care instructions said to leave it on for at least 24 hours. The wound was scabbing over; she heals quickly. I’d kissed her good night and moved to my side of our squeaky bed; moving away from her had been my mistake. Either she turned over in the night to snuggle against me, or Okie had pushed her towards me. Her surgical site was on the pillowcase. I spent the rest of the night holding the fabric away from her neck. She didn't appreciate my gesture and demonstrated her displeasure when she bit my chest when she woke up. I suppose some would call my actions that night hovering; I didn't.
“It’s the short term shit that was missing. You did an admirable job of filling in the missing pieces. I remember the older history.” She gave me the good and the bad of our stay in Cairo. I filled in what I could. There's nothing like having days of your life retold to you by the woman who knows you best and was by your side for most of it.
“You will get your strength back.” She spoke softly, enunciating clearly. If I don't watch my step here, she’ll break my other leg. “It will take time. We can't be at each other's throats the whole time.” She put her lips on my throat; Diana isn’t fighting fair. “Work with me, Terry. Please.”
“Hola, Hermosita y Hermano.” Dino walked into the room, pushing the object of our bickering in front of him – the dreaded wheelchair. He seems totally oblivious to the picture before him and how incongruous his cheery greeting is. “The cavalry has arrived! Pity Max isn't the one who got shot. I could say, 'Your chariot has arrived.'” He cracked himself up with his own wit. I’m glad he appreciated it.
“Throw on your running shorts and a shirt and let's get you sprung. I have binoculars so you can at least see the beach. The sand won't be good for your bandages so no beach time for you.” He wagged his index finger back and forth; his tone mimicked the Soup Nazi from the Seinfeld show.
Diana could have said the same thing to me, and I would have been arguing about trackies rather than the shorts. She tossed me both – sweats and shorts. She stood back and returned my rueful smile with her own. Dear God, how are we going to get through the next few months?
DINO
I stood beside Terry's seated form while Dee signed him out. “Don't be so hard on her, Terry. I don't mind you picking apart everything I say, but don't do it to her. Dee doesn't deserve it. All she wants to do is love you. Let her show you. Listen to her. She's only got your well-being at heart.”
“This is going to be so much work for her.”
“That's just the depression setting in and the drugs talking. Don't ever let her see you feeling sorry for her. That'll get you bounced quicker than anything, and I'm not taking your sorry ass in while you recuperate. I've served my time already.”
Dee walked over to us rifling through the sheaf of papers in her hands. She handed them to Terry. “These are for you. Your instructions are on top. See? No hovering here. Dino, we need to stop by a drug store. I need to pick up some bandaging supplies to change Terry's bandages tomorrow after his shower.”
She may only consider it taking charge, but from the glare Terry gave her, it seemed like hovering to him.
DIANA
We have a lovely room with a beautiful ocean view, not that Terry sees much of it. He wakes, hobbles to the john using me as a crutch, eats, and falls asleep again. I am all in favor of his naps. I firmly believe in sleep therapy to help the body heal. By the third day in the hotel, he is able to sit on the balcony for an hour or two at a time, binoculars firmly in hand and usually glued to his face. As Dino said, that was the closest Terry would get to the beach.
We've quit snapping at each other. When he gets overly cranky, I ignore him. A silence of five or ten minutes will find him asleep. And he talks about me getting cranky when I get tired! Terry has me beat all to hell on that topic. The tightness around his eyes from the pain is diminishing. His color isn’t so gray underneath the tan he's developing from the balcony time. The tan on his left leg is a little strange with the bandage and tape; he has a square of white skin surrounded by this wonderful tan.
The medical team, Lachlan, and Jerry stop in every day for a minute or two on their way to or from the beach. They regale Terry with tales of all the topless sunbathers. Since they can't be everywhere and he has binoculars, he fills them in on what they miss. I try to be busy elsewhere during the locker room talk episodes. When the med techs come to visit, they bring him a beer, ask when he had his last pain meds, and based on his answer, let him have it or not. Max and Reags stopped by on their way to the airport and promised to have a Campari and Soda for him while they were in Rome.
When Terry sleeps, I lie down beside him to look at him – just look at him. It's not because I'm so grateful he's still alive; I have the mistaken notion he can't die. I watch him because I can. Terry can’t have anyone in bed with him - the nurse found me laying beside him one afternoon in the hospital and chewed me out for ten minutes - so I’d pushed the hotel beds together within 15 minutes of our arrival while he fussed at me about getting some help. That single act reinforced his own helplessness; it was stupidly thoughtless of me. At least I can lie close to him, if not actually with him.
During his first nap out of the hospital, I’d pulled the sheet away to get a good look at his leg and had to bite my lip not to react out loud. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Tears won out. I love Terry’s furry legs, and one of them was missing. Not the leg, but the fur. They’d shaved his groin, the thigh, and the entire leg all the way to his ankle. Though still large and firm and utterly masculine, his shaved balls and penis looked, well, naked. When he’s feeling up to it, he’d have to work harder to get me off because I used to be able to do that just by rubbing against the hair on his groin. Now it’s naked, and when the hair starts growing back, it’s going to be scratchy. I refuse to shave my groin in solidarity …he’d probably enjoy that way too much. Of course, he woke up at that precise moment.
“I suppose you find this endlessly amusing.”
“No …I miss your fur.”
*
I've memorized how his beard grows around the moles on his face. His beard grows so fast. I think about the phrase 'watching grass grow;' I'm replacing it with 'watching Terry's beard grow,' a much more enjoyable pastime. I’d commented on his beard that morning as I rubbed his scratchy face.
“You’ve got some gray here, Boomer.”
“Do not.”
“Do so …right here.”
“Do not!”
Dino stopped in on his way to the beach.
“Dino, show Terry where the gray is in his beard.” He walked over and patted Terry’s cheek.
“Right here, Buddy!” He was still laughing as he left the room.
*
One of the best times of the day for both of us is when we shower. The shower has big, substantial handrails like the substance of the man himself. They give him the freedom to stand on his own without having more obtrusive assistance, meaning me or the hotel-provided wheelchair. I never appreciated how much standing unaided could mean.
“I’d give anything to be able to walk without having to lean on someone.”
“How many times have you helped others? Countless. Think of us as stand-ins for those people. It won't be for too long. Gretchen already has a walker, crutches, and a natty cane at the house for you. She doesn't realize what an over achiever you are. As soon as she does, the crutches and cane will disappear. She'll use those as your reward for not doing too much.”
He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Oh, yeah. The pain pills were at their maximum effectiveness, and he had perked up for a while. “Tell me about Gretchen. Swedish? Was she on their championship bikini team?”
“Um, no.”
I could almost see him deflate. I’d planted the right picture. He saw a big, strong, round masseuse. It's an incorrect picture but the right one for him to have at this point in time.
“I get the feeling that you’re hiding something from me about Gretchen. Three more days and I'll see for myself. I also get the feeling that you may not have told me everything about what I said and what we talked about on the plane. I have this snippet of conversation in your voice – something about packing and being a couple is just beyond my grasp.”
I laughed. “I'd forgotten about that. Yeah, I was trying to make you laugh one of the times I thought you came to.”
“Did I? Laugh, that is.”
“No, but you did smile.”
“Tell me. The suspense is killing me.”
“I was kidding you about one of the reasons you had stayed gone so long on Thursday was because you didn't want to pack to leave. If you stayed gone, you knew I’d do it for you, and I did. I couldn't believe you trusted me enough to pack for you.”
“You had my dress shirts on the bottom. They go on top. Underwear goes on the bottom.” I love to see the twinkle in his eye when he is ragging on me. “Does this mean you’ll be getting our wedding present for Max and Reags? Isn't it the woman's job to buy all presents? Isn't that the way you prove you’re a solid couple?”
“I think you're right. I've got news for you, though. The rest of the world sees us as solid, perhaps more so than we see ourselves.”
TERRY
Diana has something on her mind, and she’s judged me fit enough to hear it. I can't use being an invalid as an excuse to avoid it. Diana would use that as an excuse to dictate my schedule more than she is right now. I’m getting stronger. She saw me take my last pain meds so she knows I’m as alert and pain free right now as I will be for a while.
She hangs the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door. I phone the desk to ask them to hold our calls.
“Do you remember what you were talking about before they gave you the Versed?”
I am so fucked.
“It’s all pretty foggy.” She thinks I'm lying, but she lets me see what she thinks, even though she doesn't call me on it. She’s letting me in, and I don't have to ask this time for her to let me see what is going on with her. I can’t lie to her about this. If I do, I lose all the trust I’ve tried so hard to build with her. She sits in the chair across from me, stretching as she does. It hits me then …she doesn’t just stretch first thing in the mornings, she stretches when she’s ready to tackle something big.
“Tell me what happened your last night in Quito.” I’ve taken her hand in my palm and now she interlaces her fingers with mine.
“Are you sure you want to hear it?”
“I think I have to, Terry. Whatever you have to tell me can’t be any worse than not knowing, not having the sepifics ..., spefics, uh, specifics.” She can't say 'specifics;' that tells me how difficult it is for her to have asked the question. She sits there silently; it’s time to become that honourable man I’d always wanted to be in her eyes.
“When Dino and I were in Thailand, he had to prove to my contact he could be trusted. I didn’t; I did that years ago. In Asia, there are layers of protection between the contact and anyone new. We met the protection in the bar and the actual contact the next day. South America’s different. There are no layers; we met Dino’s contact in the bar of one of his whorehouses.” She doesn't move, and I take a deep breath.
“I was expected to want a woman. In their macho culture, even a hint that I didn’t would be interpreted as my possibly being a poofta. That would terminate any hope of future arrangements, and they’d likely have killed both of us …me because they’d assume I was gay, and Dino for being stupid enough to trust a gay man.” Silence. I might as well get on with it. It's clear I'm not leaving this room until I do.
“I left the bar with one of his whores, and we went to her room. I knew that she was a pipeline to Guerrero. Anything that happened in that room would go straight back to him; I’d be surprised if there weren’t hidden cameras. I was expected to rough her up, but I couldn’t do that. I was expected fuck her, and I couldn’t do that either.” She finally broke her silence.
“You’ve told me what you couldn’t do …tell me what you could.” Her body language says that she wants it all, just the way it happened, without any pretty wrapping.
“After she’d undressed me, I tried to make her afraid of me. I couldn't even do a good job of that. I shoved her to her knees. Men in that culture don’t ask their wives to blow them …that’s what whores are for. I made her blow me. I could get away with that because it was sufficiently degrading when she had to report back to Guerrero.” I feel my gut churn. “I didn’t want to be there, Diana. I couldn’t even get it up until I started thinking about you.” If she’s spoiling to start a fight, I’ve given her the opening she needs.
“I’m not looking for a fight, Boomer. Just go on.”
“I couldn’t wait for her to finish so I could get out of there. I was dressed before she was off her knees. I didn’t sit down at the table on my way through the bar. I stopped only long enough to brag to Guerrero and show him I worthy of doing business with him. Our business was done, and Dino and I left. Dino had a flask in his pocket and gave me my first drink in the cab on the way to the hotel. I couldn’t swallow it …just rinsed my mouth and spit because I had to get the taste of my own contempt out of my mouth. When I got back to the hotel, I drank most of a bottle of scotch before I passed out. I hated what I’d done, even more because I’d done it the night before coming home to you.”
“That’s the point, Boomer, coming home to me. You do whatever you have to do to come home to me. I don’t care what it is, and if it’s eating you up inside, I want you to tell me. If it’s no big deal to you, it’s no big deal to me.”
“It was a big deal to me, Diana, and it’s still eating me alive.”
“Then you should have told me about it a long time ago. It was business. I understand that. Nothing can come between us unless we let it. You almost let this become the elephant in the middle of the room, and we can’t spend the rest of our lives walking around it. You knew it was there; I didn’t. I could have misunderstood you so often since that night. We’re both lucky I didn’t. Let it go, Terry. It’s over; let it go.”
I can't find words to answer her. I feel the tears start – bloody pain meds. My emotions are too close to the surface, and Diana can see every one of them. She can do that even when I'm healthy.
“Mind you, I’m not saying go out for a recreational fuck, but you do what is necessary to stay safe. Tell me about it or don't. But if you don't say anything, you can't think about it either. Is that a deal?”
I pat the bed on my right side and grit my teeth. This is going to hurt like a bitch, but I need to hold her. She's careful not to jostle me moving onto the bed, but any movement caused nine inches of hairline and compression-fractured bone to grate on itself.
She lay still but for her jaw moving to whisper. “You still haven't answered me. Please say yes.”
“Yes.”
NOTES
|
REM |
Rapid Eye Movement. Common in dream states, but one doesn’t dream coming out of anaesthesia, one hallucinates. |
|
Titty Beach |
AKA, Nissi Beach in Larnaca, Cyprus |
End of the Veronica Arc