Talk to the Animals

Talk to the Animals

by

Diana Walker

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended.
Copyright Diana Walker 2006.

OKIE
Mom must have been in a big hurry this morning. She didn’t close the door all the way. I have no idea why she was in such a hurry to get back to the guy who thinks he’s the Alpha Male. Of course, her being in a hurry is good for Holly and me. When I climb up on the top step and lean against the door, it pops open.

“Psst. Holly! Stop playing in the water. Pssst! HOLLY! The door’s open …we can get in the BIG dog house!” She takes her time getting out of the kiddie pool Mom uses for our outside water dish, shakes herself and throws water all over me because she knows I hate it, but finally gets herself over to the door and peeks around me.

She whispers at me. “We probably shouldn’t. You don’t want his foot in your face again …they look like they’re mating …AGAIN.”

“I’m going in. You can sit here if you want. I need a drink of some clean water, and that’s in the water room. I can slip around the corner, and if I drink really quietly, they’ll never know I’m there.” I slink in and look over my shoulder at her to watch her coming through the door.

“Holly, if you’re coming, BE QUIET. Turn your head sideways …maybe you won’t push the door open any wider, and they won’t notice it’s open.” I head for the water room with Holly right behind me. We make it to the water room, and after I drink, she starts. Of course her tags start banging on the side of the metal drink bowl, and I grab her collar so they won't hear her. It’s impossible for that bitch to drink quietly. By that time Mom and the faux Alpha Male wouldn’t have heard anything; they’re making too much noise of their own. They’re making those funny sounds again, but not funny ha-ha, funny odd.

I’d heard those sounds before but not as clearly because I’d almost always been outside. I grab Holly by the scruff of her neck and make her sit down so we can listen …and smell. Holly’s ears perk up as she looks at me.

Snifffff …. Sniffff …. “Are they doing what I THINK they’re doing?”

I nod. “Sure smells like it.”

“When do you think her litter will be due?”

“As often as they do it – and they’ve never had a litter – maybe they can’t have puppies.”

“Now that’s just sad!”

“You’ve never had a litter.”

“I had a litter before I came to live with Mom.”

“Well …why haven’t we ever had puppies?” She gives me that look that she always gives me.

“Because she had me spayed, and you fixed.”

“Ohhhh. Guess she was serious when she said she doesn’t do young of any species.” I hate to ask, but I do. “Holly, do you know what a 'species' is?”

She shakes her muzzle listening to the Slow Ones intently. Everything gets really quiet then.

I can't wait to get back into bed with Mom and look at her. “Okay …the bed’s quit squeaking. Now we can jump up and say good morning to the faux Alpha.” Holly gives me a really nasty look and nips at my butt as I run past.

“His name is Terry!” She jumps on the bed, and Terry reaches over to rub her head.

“Hey, Holly. How’s my girl?” He does manage a look at me when I hop up between them on my way over to snuggle with Mom. “How you doing, you little Bugger?”

I answer him. I think quite politely. “Ba rooooooo!” Mom knows that's my happy, play sound and always answers me when I say that to her; the faux Alpha doesn't pay attention.

Why hasn’t Mom had him fixed? It might make him nicer.

RABBIT
Breakfast was good but a little boring. It’s the same thing every blessed time. Gillie doesn’t care what she eats, as long as there’s plenty of it.

Everyone thinks it’s the stallion who leads the herd. Gaydrian and I both have been gelded, so our herd doesn't have a stallion. Since I've been here the longest, I took on the role. The stallion may fight dangers to the herd and keep other stallions away, but it’s the Boss Mare who decides where we’re going to go on any given day and keeps order in the herd. So, with Honey’s permission, I started our grazing going toward where the cold wind blows from, and she brings up the rear to make sure everyone is behaving themselves. I get about five steps and notice the new guy was already out in the far paddock, one over from ours. I hear the Small Ones out-for-the-day sounds and look down. Okie and Holly are by the fence. Once again, and with Honey’s permission, I trot the herd over to talk with them.

“Morning again. What have you two got planned for the light?”

Holly snuffles along the ground before answering. “We have a while before it’s morning nap time, and ….”

Okie interrupts her. He can be so rude at times and so charming at others. “Big Guy, Big Guy, come on down here. I’ve gotta talk to you.” I looked down the fence to see him a few steps away. What does the little squirt want now? I amble over to him and scratch my side on their fence.

“What’s up, Little Guy?”

“Mom and Terry were trying to make a litter this morning!”

“Old news, Squirt. They slept in the barn one night when he first got here and kept us awake all night, and it smelled like they were trying to make a foal. If they don’t work on their technique, it’s never going to happen. The banana nose collapsed under them, and Mom laughed; Terry wasn’t happy. I was afraid he'd hurt her when they fell; Mom was the one who should have been mad. Were they doing it right this time?”

“It was right for the way Holly and I do it. How do you guys do it?”

“Hell if I know. They gelded me before I had a chance to find out.”

“You mean you’ve never done it?”

“Never.”

“You poor bastard!” His words were nice, but he puffs out his chest at having done something I hadn’t. If Holly hadn’t been so close and such a nice Small One, I’d have kicked him. I don’t because I like her and don't want the fence moving to hurt her. I also don't want to cut my leg again; we Big Ones need to keep our legs sound. Right now, I need to be in top form; the new guy like me may challenge me to lead the herd.

I stick my head over the fence and blow out at Squirt …hit him smack on the head with a piece of snot. I hadn’t had a chance to wipe my nose on Mom this morning and really need that. Squirt paws at his head with his left front foot and then lays down, going at it with both paws.

“Why’d you have to go and do that?”

Holly looks down her nose at him. “Because you deserved it.”

“Sorry you had to hear that, Holly.” I amble down and catch up with the rest of the herd. Mom comes out of the Slow Ones’ barn with a halter and lead rope in her hand. That looks too much like work to me, so I take off. Everyone else follows.

BUCK
The female Slow One comes toward me. She seems to run the place which kind of surprised me because at my old barn, the male Slow One, East, ran everything. The other male Slow Ones kept our stalls clean and fed us; East checked us over every day and rode all of us. I had a favorite Slow One; he and his Small One were both called Junior. The Slow One, Junior, has such a calmness about him; he made me calm whenever he was around. I miss him.

The female Slow Ones each rode a specific one of us. My female didn't ride very well, and after she stopped coming, East rode me a lot. Then Terry and Diana showed up with the dragger, and I left with them.

I didn't think we would ever leave that morning. Terry wanted to drive the truck and dragger; he sat in the near side seat while East, Diana, and Junior loaded me into the dragger and made sure I had enough hay and rechecked the wrappings on my legs. Diana walked to the near side and told him he couldn't drive; they talked quietly, earnestly, but not tensely. She didn't speak to him with the respect the females around the barn speak to East; she talks to him like Renee talks to East.

Diana told Terry he hadn't spent enough time driving an empty trailer, let alone one with an unknown horse. I couldn't hear what East had to say; Junior, the Little One, touched my nose with his, told me not all Little Ones were as nice as he is and to be careful, not to let all Little Ones like him on my back. He showed me his toes, flexed them out, and told me they could hurt me. I thanked him for the advice and snuffled Junior, the Slow One, when he hid some carrots in my hay for me; he knows how to keep me entertained in the dragger. Junior, the Slow One, scratched my ear and closed my window; Diana drove so well I almost didn't feel the dragger move off, and we were on the first curve on the main road before I had to brace my legs for the first time. I tried not to shift around too much; I've heard bad stories about riding in draggers from the other Big Ones who ride in them a lot.

We stopped the first time before we got to the fast road; Terry and Diana opened my windows and talked to me and each other through them. They still talked softly and were happy. Terry took a bite of his apple and tried to lean in far enough to give me the rest; it was almost in reach. Diana scratched my chin, gave me some water, and when I returned to my hay, our apple was on top of my hay. He had tossed it so softly, I didn't hear it land. I like them both.

We stopped often; they checked on me, but they never got me out of the trailer. When we stopped, one of them would leave, and the other stayed with me giving me home water. When the first one came back, the other left, and I got more home hay. We were a long way from home before I tasted some different hay, just a few blades the first time, but by the time we got here, my home hay was very little. We stayed at the place where I got the new hay a long time. Terry and Diana sat on the trailer talking softly and checked on me often. When I pooped, they were happy, and we left shortly after. If I had known they were waiting for me to poop, I would have gone earlier, but their quiet conversation had lulled me to sleep.

Diana drove the whole way – one light, one dark, and part of one light. I know it was the same driver; Slow Ones have a way of driving, and it resembles the way they hold the reins. Terry will turn the truck much the same way Diana does; they hold the reins in the same way.

The dragger pulled into a nice paddock with a good fence when we got here. Terry opened my window, hooked my lead rope onto my halter and laid it across my neck with just the right amount of droop that I couldn't step on it, but the person catching me at the back had enough to hold on to, and unhooked my trailer tie-down. Someone unhooked my butt bar, and I backed out like the gentleman I am. Diana caught my lead rope and welcomed me home; she let me throw my head up and call before she reminded me of my manners and tugged my head back down. Terry held me, and Diana took off my leg wraps and massaged my legs. They didn't really need it; Junior always makes sure there are no wrinkles. I hope the Juniors showed her how to wrap legs.

She and Terry walked me around the fence line in my paddock. It was an odd lead line arrangement; Diana had the lead closest to me, and Terry had the rest of it in his hands walking outside her. Did they think I would forget my manners and try to run away? She let me have a few bites of grass as we walked along; this is where the new hay came from. Terry moved away from us, and Diana let me loose. I dropped my head and got a mouthful of this new grass, trotted off, and kicked my back legs out to stretch them.

I don’t like being away from the protection of a herd, and I’ve been a little skittish ever since I got here. I knew my place in my old herd; I haven't had much contact with this new one since I've been here. I could see the other Big Ones, but I couldn’t get to them. Of course I could have jumped the two fences between us, but I was raised better than that; I have impeccable manners.

Diana’s spent a lot of time with me since I got here, and she’s seemed very nice ever since I met her. I guess for now, she’s my herd. She stops a few feet away from me and tilts her head to one side.

“Come here, Buck. Come on, Boy.” I sniff the air – and her – and walk towards her. So far she’s spent the most time with me because Terry leaves every day. At night when he comes back to their barn, he comes and talks to me, and she stays away. No one’s gotten on my back since I’ve been here, but she’s been working me on the long lines. She scratches behind my ear and down my neck; the sound of her voice reassures me that everything is okay. When she works me on the long lines, her style is a lot steadier than when she first got on my back at my old barn. She makes me trot a lot and bring my hindquarters under me much more than East ever did.

Diana rode like two different people when she was on my back at my old barn – a beginner and then like East, but more giving. She took forever to get on; I was glad Terry was there to entertain me. When she plopped on my back, I thought my old Slow One was there; it hurt my back. She didn't have to be so rude to ask me to walk. I thought about ignoring her legs, but her butt asked nicely; I listened to her butt. When she moved around in the saddle, she annoyed me but never complicated her instructions when she asked me to change gaits or directions. I hated it when she unbalanced me when we trotted; it wasn't awful, but it did feel awkward.

After we stopped and I got a drink, I liked the way she rode. I had confidence in her. She made sure I was prepared and balanced to do what she wanted; I tried harder for her. We even did some things I'd never done before, but she made them easy for me.

I liked the way she did the jumps. She made sure I saw the jumps, was really clear on what jump she wanted me to take, and believed I would go over them. She was a little heavy handed and her legs squeezed too hard on the first one, but then she let up and let me do my job.

I think she is finally ready to let me meet the rest of the herd. She slips the halter onto me and leads me to the gate and walks me through. At least now I am close enough to the herd to talk to them without being loud. Diana takes off my halter, walks to the far corner, climbs the fence, and sits there watching us. I've seen other Big Ones get stupid when someone new arrives.

While the Big Ones come thundering over, the two Little Ones run to me. The male speaks first.

“Hi! I’m Okie, and this is Holly. Who are you?”

“Pleased to meet you. They call me Buck.” His ears perk up.

“Say that again!”

“They call me Buck.” Was he not able to understand me? Junior always had.

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because you don’t sound like the rest of us.” I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.

“I rode in the dragger from my old barn to here. It was a long time, and I was very glad to get out.”

“Well, if you need to know anything, just ask …I’ll tell you how it works around here.” The Big Ones like me arrive, and a spotted one walks over to touch noses.

“Don’t mind Squirt down there, and don’t believe a word he says. I’m Rabbit, the Boss Mare is Honey, that’s Gillie, that’s Gaydrian. I know Okie introduced himself …have you met Holly?”

“Yes, thank you. We touched noses. I'm Buck.”

Rabbit gets right to business. “Am I going to have to fight you?”

“I don’t think it will be necessary. You’ve been here longer than I and seem to have the herd well under control.” Of course we both knew that Honey – as the Boss Mare – actually controlled the herd, but between Big Ones like us, we would keep up the pretence we males are in command.

“Is this a stopover for me? Where’s the rest of the herd?”

Honey answers as is her prerogative. “It’s just us, Buck. The dragger comes and goes sometimes, but until you came, it was always empty. No one but the big, pregnant mare has ever left here so I think you are staying.”

“There’s no shed in this paddock. Am I going to left here with no shelter?”

Honey considers that. “I don’t know. We all came together. No one has ever used that pasture.”

Gillie shakes her head. “Not me! I came later.”

Honey looks at her. “Your mom walked you down the road from your old pasture, and we’d talked to you over the fence for a long time before you came here. We knew you.”

Rabbit reassures me. “You won’t be left out here with no shelter, Buck. You’ll either go back to your other paddock tonight, or Mom will bring you into the barn. She wouldn’t leave any of us without shelter. I’m betting she turns you out with us in a little while because there’s no water in that paddock. Look at how she’s watching us …don’t turn your head; she only wants to see how we get along. Are you up for a trot up and down the fence line?”

I nod.

“Let’s go!” We trot toward their barn, hopefully to be my barn tonight, return to where we start, and blow with our heads down. ‘Mom’ walks to the barn, closes the doors, and comes back to me with the halter. She climbs the fence and opens the gate into the big paddock and pats my rump. I trot into the big paddock with my new herd.

HONEY
Rabbit is on one side of Buck with me on the other. We are showing him around the pasture.

“There’s a biter hole here, but Mom hasn’t found it yet. When the water falls from the sky, it makes it slick here …it’s nice to roll in then. Over here’s the best belly-scratching place.” When we finished the circuit, we went back to Holly and Okie.

Buck includes all of us with his question; he's been around HER and Terry long enough to form his own opinion, but with Slow Ones you never know. They can change. “What can you tell me about these Slow Ones?”

Rabbit answers for me, might as well let the boys bond as long as they show me the proper respect. “Terry’s a good Slow One and so is Mom. I’m glad Terry came to live here. I’ve always gotten along with male Slow Ones better than female Slow Ones. Terry was a little scared the first time he saw us …I could smell it on him, but he and Mom were mad at each other because Mom was sad that day. Now he’s as bossy with us as Mom is, but he’s not as sure of himself with us as she is.”

Buck’s ears prick forward. “He’s new here?”

Time to assert myself. “He came before it was cold the last time.”

“How cold is cold here? They didn’t bring my blanket.”

Gaydrian looks over at us. “What’s a blanket?”

Rabbit looks at his sides and down at his big, broad chest. “You know that thing that fits around me that Mom makes me wear when it’s really cold and stays cold? She calls it a blankie. It has to be the same thing.”

Buck glances at Gaydraian and leans over to whisper to Rabbit. “What’s with the Kid? He’s putting off a weird vibe …do I need to watch my backside with him?”

“I’m not sure. He’s never made a move on me, but I’m real careful around him.”

Buck takes a step towards Gaydrian, and he backs up. “Kid, you just haven’t been around very much.” I wonder how Gaydrian likes being called ‘Kid?’

Buck looks back at me. “What’re the rules?”

Of course Okie has to pipe up; he is so territorial. “You Big Ones don’t get to come inside the Slow Ones’ barn, only we do.”

Holly is a bit nicer. “You only get to come into our paddock one at a time, and with your thing on.”

Gillie – the peacemaker – speaks softly. “Holly, remember I told you it’s a halter …like that thing around your neck.”

“It’s a collar, Gillie.” Gillie leans down to touch her nose to Holly’s.

“There you go, Holly.”

I speak up again. “Besides your basic good manners, once you’re assigned a stall, don’t go into anyone else’s. And do try and protect the Slow Ones …don’t crowd them when they come outside.”

“Do you guys get to stay outside all the time? Do you get to graze by yourselves all during the light?” That was a strange question.

“Yes ….”

“I’m used to being in my stall almost all the time.”

“Well, I can’t imagine HER letting all of us out and keeping you in your stall. Try and poop and pee all over your stall when you’re in there …SHE needs the exercise cleaning it. And try and grind it into the floor.”

Gaydrian wouldn’t let me get away with that. He's such a tidy thing. “Honey, don’t tell him the wrong way to do things!”

“What do you mean the wrong way?” That from Gillie who always makes a poop pillow before it’s her turn to lie down at night.

Okie has to run to HER defence. “Mom does NOT need exercise.”

Poor Holly looks around at her own ever-widening middle before speaking. She sounds so sad. “I do …but Terry loves me anyway.”

“Is it always this quiet around here?” Buck is full of questions.

Rabbit answers. “The noisy, smelly things haven’t been out lately, so it’s usually pretty quiet.”

“Aren’t there more Slow Ones around here?”

Gillie couldn’t let that pass. “When the Slow One from across the fence comes over with an apple, the apple is MINE!”

As Boss Mare, part of my job is to keep us away from other herds. I have the information he needs. “There are two more Slow Ones in addition to Gillie's mom that are part of their herd …a male and a female; why they don't all stay together is beyond me. It's so much safer. When they come, the male always brings carrots or apples for all of us. When Terry was using sticks to walk, there was another male who came out, but he doesn’t come to the barn. His mane looks like carrots …I tried to taste it, and I think I scared him. Terry must have been hurt to be using the sticks because he smelled different. He’d had an open cut, but it must have healed before he started using the sticks. It didn’t smell the same as when Gillie and Rabbit had the cuts on their legs. When Terry first came to the barn using his sticks, Mom walked behind him, and she gave all of us THE LOOK.”

Gaydrian and Gillie shivered as she spoke. “Yes, and that look was fierce!”

RABBIT
“When Terry first came, he didn’t come in a dragger. He brought Mom home in a little black truck. If he was going to bring feed in it, I was worried we wouldn’t have enough to eat.”

Okie pipes up. “It’s big enough to bring feed for Holly and me.”

I get eye-to-eye with the selfish little bastard.

Mom laughs at the standoff between Okie and me. I cock an ear to hear what she is saying; she might want me to back off. “Bud White in horseflesh. Don't call him 'Shitbird.'” She didn't use my name or shout so I can safely ignore her and get on with Okie's education.

“You’re not the only one who lives here, Squirt. We all have to eat.” I turn back to Buck. “Mom’s different since Terry came to live here. The first night he was here, I could smell them getting ready to mate. I thought for sure she’d have a foal after that night. If I could smell them outside their barn, you know it was strong inside because they had the door closed. When she was angry and sad the next couple of days, I guess it was because she didn’t stick.” Holly looks up at me.

“I thought she’d have puppies.”

I nudge her nose. “I think the Slow Ones call them babies, Holly.”

“Oh …OK.”

Okie just looks at her. “Whatever!” I do wish Okie was nicer to Holly.

She's sweet as she can be but has a hard time with foreign languages. “If Mom was so upset when she didn’t have puppies, why was Terry angry, too?”

“Because the male Slow Ones seem to want puppies and foals as much as the females do.” I might as well as use words she likes.

Gillie nods. “I think it’s more than that …I think they’re more complicated than we are. My Mom and Dad acted like Terry and this Mom a bunch of times. And that was after their foals were grown and gone.

“Terry and this Mom are a lot like horses …they get mad at each other, but they get over it fast, and then things are fine again. Before the light goes, they’re so happy and peaceful just sitting out here and watching us after dinner feed.”

I’m a little jealous of Terry. “When Mom had the big barn to herself, she’d sit out, and she was peaceful, but having Terry here has made her happier. She ought to just bite him on the butt a couple more times, and he’ll shape up.”

Gillie snorts. “Honey didn’t have to bite you on the butt …you shaped up as soon as she took over the herd.”

OKIE
I think I've charmed the new guy – what was his name? Right, Buck. I probably ought to be a little submissive before Holly cleans my clock in front of him.

“Terry,” I mimicked the sappy, love struck note in Holly's voice every time she talks about him though I didn't mean to; I'll pay for that tonight, “and I didn't get along too well when he first got here. I didn't think he needed to be here. We got it sorted.”

Holly smiles. “Yeah, Terry,” there was that adoring sound again, “pinned you and held you down until you gave him your belly. That was the way you got it sorted.”

“Do tell.” I think I will grow to hate the new guy's accent.

“Yes, spill.” There is a gay in Gaydrian.

“Terry,” I think I'm going to puke, “was in the floor, and Okie was doing the Basenji stare at him.”

Since I don't dig (the dirt under my nails is not stylish, you know), no hole was going to swallow me up to hide the shame; I need to tell the story my way. “I was trying to figure out what he wanted for me, err ...from me. He misunderstood it as a confrontational stare. The Slow One was quick, grabbed my scruff, and threw me down. If he hadn't knocked the air out of me, I woulda had him. I can't go after him again even though he didn't fight fair. I can't disappoint Mom; she wouldn't like it if I didn't abide by the Puppy Code of Ethics.”

“It says you can't go after him again until you are sure you can win. Besides, I think Mom told him how to beat you.”

Holly's wrong. I know Mom wouldn't do that. She loves me; as a matter of fact, she loves me best. The Big Ones don't get to read the Puppy Code Book; they have their own. Hey, maybe that's what a species is – you have a separate code book.

Time to get everyone off this subject. I look around the group. Honey could care less; Gillie's eating; Gaydrian is eyeing the new guy; Rabbit is trying to hide his laugh. I think I like the new guy – what's his name? Buck. He's looking sympathetic. Wonder if I can get him to live up to his name and buck 'Terry' off when he rides?

“So, are we going to stay mute again next Special Night or actually ask them some of these questions this time?”

NOTES

The Slow Ones	Human beings …to animals (aside from sloths), humans are s-l-o-w.
Big Dog House	Okie and Holly’s name for the house occupied by their Slow Ones
Where the cold wind blows from	The North!
The Small Ones; Little Ones	The horses’ descriptor for smaller domesticated animals, i.e., Okie and Holly.
The Light	Daytime
Squirt	Rabbit’s “pet” name for Okie
The Slow Ones’ barn	The horses’ name for the house occupied by the Slow Ones. See 'Big Dog House.'
The Dragger	A horse trailer, hitched behind a truck and dragged along.
Home water	When transporting horses, one always takes a supply of the water they are accustomed to – from their home barn – with you and gradually diminish that amount until you make the transition to water at the new area. Horses won’t drink water that smells ‘strange,’ and hydration is as important to horses as it is to humans. In the wild, a strange odor to the water normally means the water is tainted in some way and potentially dangerous. When a horse travels a great deal, it’s not unusual for grooms to pour beer into water whether at home or traveling so any water smells the same to them.
Big Ones	The horses’ name for themselves.
Big Ones like Us	The horses way of grouping. In this case, Buck and Rabbit, both of whom are geldings.
Biter/Biter Hole	The horses’ term for snakes and their holes or dens.
Noisy, smelly things	Tractors or any motorized, farm implement
She didn’t stick	If a mare fails to conceive when bred, it’s said that “She didn’t stick” or “didn't catch.”
Special Night	There’s a children’s story that says each Christmas Eve, at the stroke of midnight, all the species can talk and understand each other. See God Bless Us Every One

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