One Moment in Time Part Three

Echoes in Eternity
One Moment in Time - Part Three

by

Reagan Kavanagh

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended. ©Reagan Kavanagh 2006.

Author's Notes: This mini arc moves between flashback and current time (i.e., ‘current’ in this instance being 186 AD), with a final projection forward to circa 205 AD. Your indulgence in following the rapid time shifts and transitions is appreciated. If you find yourself wondering about the relationship between Cassandra and Lucilla, take a look at the two-part story that went up last year, Revelations, Parts One and Tw o. They are the fifth and sixth stories listed on the CHRONOLOGY page. Some of you may remember the Whitney Houston song, One Moment in Time; others of you may never have heard it. It's a clickable link like those above for Revelations One and Two, if you'd like to hear it. Thanks! RK

Rome – 186 anno Domini

CASSANDRA
It was late, and we were sleeping when Proximo himself came to our door, his knock soft but urgent as he called Maximus’ name. Maximus did not bother with pulling on his clothing before opening the door and listening to the old man, nodding and closing the door before returning to our bedside and dressing. I sat up and reached for my own tunica, after stopping him in his preparations. He had begun to tie his subligar, and I stayed his hands. I tied the knot and looked up at him; he smiled down at me as he ran one hand down my cheek. I shivered with the premonition that this would be the last time I would ever attend to his needs.

“Dress yourself …Lucilla is here to speak with me. I will return to you as soon as possible.” He left me then; I dressed fully and paced until his return a short time later. On entering the house, he paced in his turn for a few moments before turning to me.

“Lucilla awaits you in Proximo’s library. You are to return to the palace with her and remain there until I or Senator Gracchus come for you.” I nodded and picked up my cloak as we walked to the door. He took my hand and stopped me before we left our sanctuary.

“Tonight Cicero and I ride for Ostia. I do not know what tomorrow may bring. Lucilla has learnt that Commodus’ spies have determined our mission. If we are to succeed in our plan, I must rally my troops and bring them to Rome before his Praetorians can mobilise the five cohorts camped outside the City’s gates. If we are not captured leaving the City, I will return in no more than two days. Remain with Lucilla; you will be safer in the Palace than anywhere else in the City, as the Praetorians will protect the royal family and their retainers at all costs. I will come to you as soon as I can.” I nodded even as I felt the cold stab of fear in my heart; it had been some time since I last experienced a vision, but I had one in that moment, and it terrified me. Maximus turned to me before opening the door, and his hands cupped my face as he looked deeply into my eyes.

“Cassandra, Cara …if I am captured, you know nothing, you say nothing. We have no reason to suspect that Commodus knows of our relationship, and it must remain so. What he will do with Lucilla is in the hands of the Gods; she knows that and is at peace with her fate. As Lucius’ nurse, you are closest to the child. Commodus will likely take him before seizing Lucilla, as the boy provides him leverage with the mother. If there is enough time, take Lucius and run.” One hand went to a pouch hanging from his neck and hidden under his tunica; he withdrew it and placed it in my hands. “I asked Proximo for my money before leaving his house after seeing Lucilla. There is sufficient coin here to get you and the boy to Hispania. You must pretend to be mother and child, a widow returning with her son to her homeland. Make for Emerita Augusta …there is a small village nearby. You should be safe there. Neither you nor Lucius must ever speak my name, as the word would surely reach the garrison at Emerita Augusta, and you would both be taken into captivity.” I nodded, my body almost paralysed with fear before he spoke again.

“Know this – remember this - if nothing else, Cara. I have loved you with all my soul. If I die today, I will wait for you in Elysium …for you and you alone. Take care with your life.” He embraced me and held me tightly, kissing me hard before releasing me, and with a swirl of his cloak, opened the door and walked away into the night. I heard noises – shouts - from the direction of the gates to the compound and ran the opposite direction after seeing Lucilla and her guards in the shadows on leaving the small house. I exited the walls through a postern gate on the far side of the compound and ran toward the Palatine Hill and the Palace.

Once both of us were in the relative safety of Lucilla’s chambers, she turned to me and spoke. Her hands twisted together until her knuckles were white.

“Commodus knows …his Praetorians were at Proximo’s gate when we fled.”

“Maximus said I am to take Lucius and flee ….” She shook her head.

“It is too late. Commodus has already taken him from me. He is with my brother and Senator Falco. I do not think they will harm him so early, but ….” Her voice broke. “Cassandra, Commodus interrogated me in Lucius’ presence; he had a knife at my son’s throat. I had no choice but to tell him of our plan, else he would have killed Lucius before my eyes.” I felt my stomach roil with acid as she continued. “Commodus knows of my involvement and that of Senator Gracchus; he knows nothing of you and has no reason to suspect you. Gracchus has been taken prisoner and is in the cells beneath the great arena …I have little doubt Maximus will join him before this night is over.” The tears slipped from my eyes, and I could not even move to dash them away. I was physically ill and weak with fright for Maximus. Lucilla turned toward the windows on the east wall and looked out as the sun peeked over the horizon before beginning its journey toward the heavens.

“The Praetorians will be here shortly to take me to my brother; he has told me of his plans for this day. He intends to fight Maximus in the arena and kill him before the mob. I can do nothing to stop him. Commodus has ordered that I – and by extension you – be present in the royal box alongside him and Lucius. You have attended the games with me since taking up residence in the Palace. Were you not to do so today would cast suspicion on you. Cassandra, I would spare you this if I could, but I am powerless now.” She embraced me again and stepped away as a heavy knock sounded at the door. “Dress yourself appropriately and wait. When it is time, the Praetorians will bring you to us, and we will depart for the arena.” The door opened and a black-clad officer stepped into the room, jerking his head first at Lucilla then toward the open door. She gave me one last look and followed him, the door banging heavily closed after her exit. I collapsed on one of the couches, weeping in despair for the man I loved, our unborn child, and the life we might have shared.

I had managed to regain my composure and dress as Lucilla commanded and was standing on the balcony looking out over the City when the doors slammed open. I turned to see Commodus enter; he was dressed all in white and flanked by his Praetorians. I knelt as custom required.

“Rise …take me to my sister’s closets.” I led the way as he followed. He began going through her gowns, tossing them to the floor as he rejected one after another before settling on one appropriate only for wear in the evening and then more properly suited to a woman entertaining a lover. His smile was cruel as he tossed it onto the bed.

“She has played the whore for her lover …today she will look the whore.” He looked at me again, and I held my breath. “Come with me …what is your name?”

“Cassandra, Sire.”

“Come with me, Cassandra. Your lady awaits your services in my chambers.”

Lucilla and I spoke in low tones as I assisted her in her toilette, arranging her hair though she eschewed her usual cosmetics. She donned the gown her brother had chosen, her nose wrinkling in distaste as she did so. Commodus entered the room through the wide open doors – we had been forbidden to close them - and looked at her.

“It is time.”

“Yes, Brother.” We followed him through the corridors and outside to where his litter awaited. Lucius peeked fearfully through the drapes as we entered the second litter clearly intended to transport us to the arena. We clasped each other’s hands as we were carried through the city, the roar of the crowds telling us we neared the arena. We followed Commodus – his arm firmly round Lucius’ shoulders – to the royal box; somehow we managed to keep our faces impassive, though at great cost to both of us. Commodus turned to us with a sneer after we sat.

“Remain here. The greatest of games is now to begin.” With that he turned and walked away from us followed by the Captain of the Praetorian Guard, Quintus Mataleus, a man I recognised from Maximus’ description of him; it was he who sent Maximus to his execution in Germania. If possible, I hated Mataleus more than Commodus.

Long minutes passed until the gates in the centre of the arena’s floor opened slowly and shouts roared from the crowd even as the blood red petals of poppies drifted from the stands to the sands beneath us. Commodus and Maximus stood in the centre of a phalanx of Praetorians. Once the lift settled into place, the Praetorians fanned out forming a circle round the two men. Commodus strutted round like a proud peacock, but my eyes were on Maximus. He was either ill or already wounded. How like Commodus …he knew he could never defeat Maximus unless he first disabled him. Maximus swayed slightly, and I reached for Lucilla’s hand. I could see the blood stains down the left side of his tunica as he walked toward Commodus. The latter withdrew his sword as Quintus tossed a second to the ground a few feet in front of Maximus. He picked it up, and their blades clashed as I watched in terror. As my gut clenched in anguish I felt the first movement of Maximus’ child deep within my womb.

Commodus fell to the sand, his life pulsing out onto the floor as Maximus swayed above him, stumbling as he walked away. Lucilla was on her feet and running for the exit to the royal box as I followed; she whirled to face me as she spoke.

“Stay here, Cassandra. We’ve no notion as to what the Praetorians will do …I will not risk you, and I will not risk Maximus’ child which you carry beneath your heart. Stay here!” I nodded and groped my way to the edge of the box, gripping the railing with my hands as I watched Maximus sway. One bloodied hand reached in front of him for something only he could see, and I heard Quintus’ voice.

“Maximus! MAXIMUS!” Maximus did not turn but levelled his gaze on me as he spoke.

“Quintus …free my men. Senator Gracchus is to be reinstated. There was a dream that was Rome …it shall be realised. These are the wishes of Marcus Aurelius.” Quintus turned to the Praetorians.

“Free the prisoners …GO!” One of the guards broke away, running for the exit as Quintus turned back to the man who held my heart with his own. Maximus looked again at me, and an expression of final peace came over his face as he collapsed to the ground, just as Lucilla entered the floor of the arena and ran toward him. In the complete silence I could hear her voice even as soft as it was when she spoke.

“Maximus!” He turned his head toward her with effort, and I could see the small smile that played over his beautiful mouth, over the lips I would never again feel touch my own.

“Lucius is safe.” Lucilla stifled a sob as she spoke to him, protecting me even in that moment.

“Go to them.” Those hearing her words would think she spoke only of his wife and son; I knew she spoke of his ancestors as well. Maximus attempted to raise his head; I saw his lips move but no sound issued from them. His head fell back and turned to one side; he was dead, and I felt my heart die with him. Lucilla spoke again.

“You’re home.” Her hand swept gently over his face, closing his eyes as her head bent, and she pulled her body into itself. She appeared to pray for a moment, then stood and walked slowly toward Senator Gracchus, the latter and Maximus’ men having run onto the floor moments earlier. She levelled a gaze on Gracchus as she spoke.

“Is Rome worth one good man’s life? We believed it once. Make us believe it again.” Gracchus walked slowly toward her as she turned and addressed the men standing in front of her.

“He was a Soldier of Rome. Honour him!” Gracchus found his voice and turned to the men Maximus had called his own.

“Who will help me carry him?” By that time Lucius had found his way onto the sand in front of his mother; I had not been aware of his absence until I saw him walk slowly toward Maximus’ body. Juba, Quintus and others whose names I never knew assisted Gracchus, lifting Maximus’ body to their shoulders. The Praetorian Guard fell in behind them as they bore Maximus in honour from the floor as the crowd watched in stunned and horrified silence.

LUCILLA
Commodus body lay untouched and unnoted as Quintus, Gracchus, Juba, and a number of others gently raised Maximus’ body to their shoulders and carried him from the floor in honour. Lucius followed them, pain clear in every fibre of his small body. He had lost the man he most admired in the world; he would feel the loss deeply and probably mourn his father for the rest of his life. My son did not know at that time the man called the Saviour of Rome was his father; I would tell him in due course, but this was neither the day nor the setting. I looked toward the royal box and saw my beloved Cassandra standing at the railing, her hands clenched so tightly on the rail that even from a distance I could see the whiteness of her fingers. I turned to one of the Praetorians, nodding her direction as I spoke.

“Bring my companion to the surgeons’ area; I have need of her now.” He nodded and ran quickly toward the gate that led to the interior stairs and the royal box. I followed the sorrowful procession, catching up with them and taking my son’s hand in my own as we entered the darkness under the stands. Galen – physician and surgeon to the royal family - stood just inside as if awaiting my order. When I did not speak immediately, he started toward the arena and Commodus. I caught his sleeve before he could pass.

“Leave him. He is dead and no longer of significance. Come with me …we must prepare General Maximus’ body for a burial of State.” Lucius and I walked behind Galen as he led us to the surgeons’ area; Cassandra entered shortly behind us. Her eyes were wide as Maximus’ bearers placed his body gently on Galen’s table and stepped away. She walked slowly to his side as tears streaked down her face. She took his bloodied right hand between her own, kissing it as she knelt and wept disconsolately. I made no move to stop her; she was in no danger now and needed this release of her grief. My brother was dead, and Quintus was clearly now interested in protecting all who had supported Maximus; the Praetorian Guard would – at least in the immediate future - follow his lead.

I watched as Galen checked carefully for any sign of life, for any possibility that Maximus lived. After several minutes he turned to me and gave a slow shake of his head.

“It is over, my Lady. The General has gone to the afterlife.” I walked to Cassandra and placed my hands on her shoulders then took her arms and raised her to her feet.

“Come with me, Cassandra. We will honour his memory and his life as befits his station and service to the Empire, as well as his loyalty to my father and to me. You will stand at my side at his burial, and I will honour you as I would his wife. He loved you beyond all others, and that is your due. It is what Maximus would wish. He would want you acknowledged as his widow, for truly he regarded you as his wife.”

CASSANDRA
Lucilla instructed Galen to have Maximus’ body removed to the palace where we would cleanse him and prepare him for burial; no hands other than our own would touch him. Cremation was common amongst the poor and even those of higher station unless the deceased was one who had brought glory to Rome. In Maximus’ case, not only had he brought glory to the Empire, but all Rome would wish to honour him. He would have a burial of State; his remains would be entombed in the Imperial Vault beside those of Marcus Aurelius. Lucilla said her father had considered Maximus his son, and it was appropriate for their final resting places to be near each other.

We returned to the Palace to await transport of his body. On arriving in Lucilla’s chambers, I went to the balcony and stood there looking the direction of the arena. She came and stood beside me with her arm round my waist.

“Cassandra …how do you fare?” I shook my head rather than speak, as I knew if I spoke I would burst into tears. “I ask of the babe.” My hands went to my belly, flattening them against the recently appearing roundness, and turned to look at her. She spoke again. “Has the child moved?” I nodded slowly. “Have you any pain?” I shook my head again, and she took my arm and drew me to her bed. “You must rest, Cassandra. I will come for you when …when he arrives.” I lay back on the bed and wept for the love I had lost, for my child who would never know its father.

LUCILLA
I left her weeping on my bed and made my way to the outer chamber to await the Praetorian Guard who would escort Maximus’ body to the Palace. I sent slaves to my brother’s chambers, instructing them to remove his personal items from his bedchamber and to put fresh linens on the bed. I would have Maximus placed there so Cassandra and I might attend to his last needs. I sat on one of the small couches and waited; the Guard arrived within the hour, and I led them to the place where Maximus’ body would rest until time for him to lie in State. He was not of royal blood, but he was loved by the people; they would demand time to pay him honour.

I dismissed the guards, and Galen and I stood silently looking at the body of the man who had died to protect my son and fulfil my father’s wishes. After many minutes I spoke.

“I need your assistance for my companion. She is with child, and I fear the events of today may have been too much for her …I fear for the safety of the babe.” He turned slowly to look at me.

“Do you speak of the woman who wept at the General’s body whilst it was still at the arena?” I nodded. “Is the child his?” I nodded slowly. “Take me to her.”

“Cassandra …wake, Dear One.” She turned toward me slowly, and I realised she had not been sleeping. Her face was streaked with tears, anguish written plain on her visage. I sat beside her and took her hands in mine. Galen stood a few feet away observing her.

“Cassandra, this is Galen, the physician …you remember him, do you not?” She nodded tiredly. “I have spoken with him regarding your condition. I fear for the safety of both you and the babe and have asked he attend you. Will you permit him to make an examination?” She nodded again, but there was no life in her, only sad resignation. “Do you wish me to stay whilst he examines you, or do you wish for privacy?” Her voice was so low that I had to strain to hear it.

“Stay …go …it does not matter.” I turned to look at Galen as he approached the bed and spoke to me. The modesty which virtually forbade women’s attendance by a male – a physician rather than a midwife – had deserted Cassandra in this moment.

“I think it best if you stay, my Lady.” I nodded and took Cassandra’s and assisted her to her feet. Galen directed her to the end of the bed, instructing her to remove her subligar and bade her sit with her hips close to the edge before telling her to again lay upon her back. He spoke quietly, telling her what he would do in hope of allaying her fears.

“My Lady, you must bring your feet up and rest them on the bed on either side of your hips …now spread wide your knees.” I held her hand, and she squeezed it as her face flushed bright red. Galen raised her gown and draped it across her knees, giving himself access but sparing Cassandra the ordeal of seeing what he would do.

“I must insert my fingers inside of you, my Lady, to determine your condition. I will endeavour not to hurt you, but if I do you must tell me immediately. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“I will place one hand on your belly and palpate from within. Tell me if you have any discomfort.” She nodded but did not speak. Moments later he withdrew his hands from her and pulled down her gown, holding out one hand to assist her to her feet. He nodded toward the couch a few feet away, and I took her there. We sat as he cleaned his hands in a bowl of watered wine I kept in my chambers to cleanse my own hands. After drying them on a small towel, he came to sit beside Cassandra.

“You are indeed with child. I believe you to be in your fourth month. How many cycles of bleeding have you missed?”

“The fourth is just past.” Galen nodded to himself.

“Has the babe quickened …has it moved within you?” A small smile touched her lips as she nodded.

“Yes …I felt the first movement only today.” Galen smiled and took one of her hands in his.

“That is a good sign, my Lady. Now we must watch you carefully. You have had a grave shock today, and it is not unusual to miscarry a babe following such an event. If you experience any pain or any bleeding, you are to tell the Augusta, and she will summon me at once. I will do all in my power to see you safely to childbirth, but I require your cooperation to do so. Do I have it?” She nodded solemnly.

“Yes …there is nothing more important to me in this life than to deliver Maximus’ child safely. He would want that.” Galen stood and smiled down at her.

“That is true. Now, you must return to bed and rest a while. When you arise you will take some soup and a bit of watered wine to strengthen your blood. You are to do nothing strenuous, nothing that will tax you physically and thus harm the babe. Do I have your promise to do as I say?”

“I will attend to myself – and my babe – with all due care, Sir. I thank you for your concern and care of me …and of my child.” He left us then, and I made her get into my bed again and rest. I had not told her that Maximus lay in my brother’s rooms only a few yards from her. I would let her sleep and tell her when she woke. There was time enough to attend to that saddest of duties.

CASSANDRA
I slept for a time and awakened to see Lucilla sitting on the couch close to the bed.

“Can you take some soup now?” I was not hungry but nodded, mindful of my promise to Galen, and she summoned a servant to bring me food. I drank the soup and took a bit of watered wine as Galen had instructed. Lucilla stood when I had done and held out her hand to me. I saw tears slip from her eyes as she spoke.

“I have had him brought here. He is in my brother’s bed. We must bathe him and prepare him for burial. I will allow none but our hands to touch him, Cassandra.” I stood and felt my own tears gather.

“Thank you.” We made our way to Commodus’ rooms, and I stopped at the entrance to his bed chamber. Maximus lay on his nemises’ bed, making it his own, commanding the room in death as he had in life. A small table sat close to the bed; bottles of oil and clean cloths were there along with several ewers of water and towels. Several pair of scissors were there for cutting away his clothing. I walked to the bed and reached out to touch his face. It was cool. I ran my fingers from his brow to his closed eyes, then across his cheek feeling the texture of his shaven skin before touching the softness of his beard. His lips seemed to be curved in a small smile, and I touched them gently before turning to look at Lucilla.

“You did not catch his final breath with your mouth.” She shook her head.

“No …that right was yours, and I would not take it from you. I have heard that the last breath lingers until it is captured by those most beloved of the dead. I think you may do it now.” I closed my eyes and opened them again before lowering my face to his to perform the conclāmātiō calling his name softly. When he did not respond, I spoke softly.

“Conclāmātum est.”

I kissed his mouth softly, breathing in through my own mouth as I did so. I knew it was not possible that he had somehow held that last breath for me, but I dreamt it so and could almost believe I felt it leave his body. I stood and turned back to Lucilla.

“I have not done this before …what must we do?” I knew she had prepared the body of her father for burial for she had told me of doing so, and I waited as she came to my side.

“We must remove his lorica …the straps are here, on the sides.” We bent to our task, unbuckling the straps and then raising his body to remove it from him. I caught my breath when I saw the blood-soaked tunica beneath the leather cuirass. Lucilla took the cuirass from my nerveless hands and placed it on the floor before picking up a scissors and cutting away Maximus’ tunica. We removed it and dropped it to the floor. He lay before us clad only in his subligar; I bent to untie the knot I had tied so lovingly before he left me the previous night on what we hoped would be his escape. The side and back of it were clotted with his blood as had been his tunica. I laid the cloth to one side and turned to look at his body in repose. Even though the life was gone from him, he still seemed so solid and real as if he would awaken at any moment and ask why we wept.

His upper body was covered with bruises and blood, and a small wound was visible just below and behind his left armpit. It had bled profusely and was likely the cause of his death. Lucilla’s voice was full of anger when she spoke.

“How like my brother to wound him first so that he had no chance of fighting at his capacity. Commodus knew he could never beat Maximus fairly; it was imperative to him that his opponent be disabled in order that he could win.” The blood was all the way down his side, dried now, and even onto his leg. Lucilla put small towels in one of the ewers of water, soaking them before wringing them partially dry and handing one to me. I began with his face, speaking to him in my heart as I performed this final act of care that would speed him on his journey to Elysium.

I drew the cloth over his brow, wiping away the sand and sweat that had soaked his skin in those final moments, rinsed it, and proceeded over the rest of his face, rinsing the cloth again and again in fresh water brought by servants until at last no soil remained, and his face was clean. I turned to see Lucilla on her knees as she cleaned his feet with the same attention I had shown his face. She raised her face, and we looked at each other, two women who had loved the same man with no animosity between us. We had loved him in life and attended to him as much as he would permit; we would tend him gently and with the respect he was due in death.

We sat beside him, propping him up and forward so that we might cleanse his back and sides, then moved to his arms and hands and his legs before turning him first to one side and then the other in order to attend his buttocks. When that was done we rested him again on his back, moving his legs apart in order to clean the grime from between them before attending to his belly. I looked at her before beginning on his intimate parts, and she smiled.

“Be sure to clean under his foreskin, Cassandra. You would not want an errant grain of sand lodged there to irritate him throughout Eternity.” Strain overtook us in that moment, and we began to laugh; I could only imagine Maximus’ annoyance should such a thing happen and bent to my task with intent. When at last he was clean, we put the soiled cloths into a basket for burning, and one of the servants took away the ewers of water. I sat beside him on the bed, looking at him in silence. Lucilla picked up a bottle of oil and gave it to me.

“We must anoint his body with oil. Take special care with his face …the impression of his face for the masque must be made next.” I nodded as she stood and went to the doors of her chambers, opening them wide and admitting those who would cover Maximus’ face with wax for a mould prepatory to fashioning his death masque.

When it was done, we dressed him in a tunica of finely woven white wool and placed sandals on his feet. It was appropriate to adorn him with the trappings of his rank as a general, but they were not immediately available. Lucilla had requested Quintus obtain them, but he had not yet returned with the appropriate red woollen tunica, the bronze lorica embossed with the wolf’s head and standard of the Felix Legions, nor had we the sword Maximus had carried in battle. Quintus would bring those things in time; for now, the simple white tunica of a senator would have to suffice. I placed the necessary coin in Maximus’ mouth, the fee for Charon to ferry him across the River Styx.

We summoned the servants and had Maximus carried to the bier Lucilla had ordered placed in the Palace atrium, orienting his body with his feet toward the door as was the custom. Servants appeared with baskets of flowers, some of which came from the Palace gardens and many from the citizens of Rome who had brought them to the Palace on learning that his body would lie there in State for seven days until time for his burial ceremony. We lit incense and stepped away from the bier, leaving Maximus with a guard of Praetorians round him, and returned to Lucilla’s chambers. Nine days hence we would go to the Temple of Pluto, God of the Dead, and make the sacrifices necessary to speed Maximus’ soul to Elysium. We would sacrifice to Mars, as Maximus had spent his life in his service. I would later sacrifice to Minerva, beseeching her to give me wisdom in order that I might raise Maximus’ child in the manner he would have wished.

The usual sacrifices made following the death of one as revered as Maximus included gladiatorial games to the death. Clearly, Lucilla and I would break that tradition, deciding instead to offer a bullock and a goat, after which the meat would be distributed to the poor.

Seven days later Maximus was entombed beside Marcus Aurelius in the Palace Mausoleum. He was hailed from the floor of the Senate as Rome’s greatest general and the man who might have been her greatest ruler had he survived to return Rome to a republic. Senator Gracchus spoke Maximus’ funeral oratory, and young Lucius spoke as his only surviving heir, Lucilla having now told the child the truth of his father. She bespoke the stone cutters who made the column portraying her father’s military battles to produce a frieze depicting Maximus’ glory in battle. It was undertaken immediately, though would likely take years to complete.

I awoke before dawn. It was raining still, as it had been for the past four days. I dragged myself from the warmth of my bed and placed my hand at the small of my back. It had been aching this past day likely due to the damp. I leant back into both hands, putting pressure just below the ache that started at my waist and went a few inches down my back in hope that would relieve the pain. It did not. I put on my robe and walked to the balcony and stood beneath the overhang watching the rain. The pain struck and subsided but left me breathless. I stood still for a time, but it did not return immediately.

I performed my morning ablutions and sat whilst my maid servant brushed my hair, pulling it back and tying it with a ribbon at the back of my neck. I heard a noise at the door of my chambers and stood turning to see who it was. Lucilla, of course. She rose as early as I and rarely required anyone to awaken her. The second pain hit as I walked toward her, and I stopped suddenly, wrapping my arms round my belly as I gasped aloud. She crossed the remaining space between us at a run, putting one arm round me as she lead me to the couch and made me sit.

“Are you in labour?”

“I don’t know …I’ve not done this before, remember?” We laughed together as women do.

“Is this the first pain?”

“No …there was one shortly after I awakened, but it was not this severe.”

“Have you released your water?” I shook my head; I did not think urinating counted as what she meant. She turned to the woman who had followed her into my rooms. “Fetch Galen and the midwife.” The woman left at a run as Lucilla turned back to me. “We must get you out of these clothes …today you wear nothing but a loose gown and your slippers.” I started to protest, and she shushed me. “Cassandra, you yourself said you have not done this before. I have. You must trust me in this.” I let her lead me to the wardrobe, and she dug through it, pulling out a loose linen tunica that was soft and worn with age. I changed at her bidding having learnt long since that arguing with the Augusta Lucilla was fruitless once she had set her mind on something. After I had changed to suit her pleasure, we returned to the balcony and sat there in the coolness of the morning. Galen and the midwife arrived to find us still there watching the rain fall steadily.

The midwife performed her examination and reported to Galen; the latter would remain close at hand should I experience any difficulty in my labour or delivery, though it was felt I would not deliver for many hours, if at all on this day. The midwife had been in almost constant attendance during the past month, coaxing me to take warm baths and had subjected me to anointment with herbs in addition to making me insert goose fat and olive oil into my birthing channel. On several occasions, she had bade me submit to the insertion of her fingers coated with oil and massaged the mouth of my womb. This was alleged to soften it and make the birth easier. I submitted to her ministrations; I would have done anything to insure the safe birth of Maximus’ child.

The midwife – Drusilla – sent a slave to collect the various implements that would be required between now and the time my child was born. The slave returned with two others carrying sweet olive oil to put in my channel to ease the passage of the babe, warm water for washing, bandages for swaddling the child, a pillow for the babe, the birthing chair and midwife’s stool, and pennyroyal to keep me wakeful and alleviate my pain lest I suffer overmuch. It was considered a bad omen for the labouring woman to lose consciousness, thus I must remain awake throughout the process. I was told that once my pains became regular and close together, I would be moved to the birthing chair and remain there until the child was delivered. I stood looking at it. In truth, it resembled nothing so much as a toilet such as are available in the public baths save for a place for bracing the feet. Lucilla said quietly that when I laboured, I would need to push against the foot brace in order to push the child from my womb.

Galen and the midwife conferred for a time then came to where Lucilla and I sat on the balcony. He spoke softly as was his practice.

“My Lady, you are not young, and this is your first child. Both the midwife and I have examined you, and your hips are narrow. We fear this may bode a long labour, thus I wish you to take exercise now. It will facilitate your pains and move the process along.” I looked at Galen, the midwife, and finally at Lucilla before speaking.

“Exercise? I cannot play at hoops or run about the room. I am too heavy and awkward. What would you have me do?” Galen smiled and held out his hand; I took it, and he drew me to my feet.

“Walk, my Lady. Come. I will escort you.” And so began my exercise. By midday I had walked all the Palace corridors accessible to someone in my condition. By necessity, I was kept away from the public areas lest I encounter a man other than Galen, but walk I did and for what seemed endless miles. The midwife remained in my chambers, but Lucilla walked with us. Shortly after the midday meal, my pains increased in both frequency and severity, and I began to pant with the effort of them. Galen and Lucilla seemed pleased, and I was exhausted.

“Please, I beg of you, let me rest a while.” Galen shook his head.

“Walk, my Lady.” I walked. Shortly after sunset Galen and the midwife determined that I was ready to take my place in the birthing chair. I gripped the arms and braced against the foot rest whilst straining and pushing when I was told to do so. I cried aloud, cursing the Gods for the pain they inflicted on me even as I blessed Maximus for impregnating me. Lucilla and our maidservants mopped the sweat from my brow and fanned me, speaking in low tones of encouragement. I endured the agony of the damned for hours and at last pushed the tiny body from my own and into Galen’s waiting hands. He tied off the cord and handed the child to the midwife whilst I continued to labour. I could hear my child’s angry cries but could not see from my position in the chair whether I had given birth to a son or a daughter. I gasped through my continued contractions to Lucilla as I expelled the afterbirth.

“Please …is the babe well? Is it whole? Is it a girl or boy?” She squeezed my hand and retreated, returning moments later and placed a tiny and squirming infant wrapped in swaddling cloths in my arms.

“You have a daughter, Cassandra; she is beautiful and perfectly formed.” I looked from Lucilla’s face into that of my child. Her eyes were yet cloudy but held promise of being the same greenish blue of her father’s; his perfect rosebud mouth was mimicked in hers. Her hair was as black as Maximus’ had been. Though I had lost her father, the Gods had seen fit to bless me with his image in our daughter. I wept as I held her close to my breast. Somewhere in Elysium I knew Maximus smiled.

I was dressed in a loose tunica and moved to my bed along with my child. Lucilla was watching, and I turned to her and nodded. She went to the door and asked the manservant waiting outside to bring Lucius to us. He had been told long since that Maximus was his father, and as the surviving male heir, it was his duty to acknowledge his baby sister as his father’s child. He knocked on the door shortly after I had been placed into the bed with my daughter in my arms, and Lucilla admitted him, taking the babe from my arms and placing her on the floor at her brother’s feet. He looked at her and then at me, waiting for me to speak.

“You have a sister, Lucius.” His smile at this knowledge was so broad I feared his face would crack. He knelt before her and picked her up as she screamed loudly.

“I, Lucius Veras, son of Maximus Decimus Meridius, acknowledge this child as my father’s daughter and my sister.” He turned to me as he cradled the babe in his arms and took the few steps to my bed, returning her to me then leaning over to kiss my cheek. “Father would be so proud of her, Cassandra, as am I.”

It was done.

Nine days following her birth Lucilla and I stood watching as young Lucius again held his sister aloft for the dies lustricus and spoke the words publicly that acknowledged her both as his sister and his father’s daughter. We – Lucilla and I – named her Decima Meridia Postuma; we called her Meridia. Senator Gracchus was present, as was Juba. Neither Hakken nor Cicero had survived the horrible night when Maximus was captured. After being told of my pregnancy, Juba had remained in Rome until the birth of Maximus’ child; he wished to see the child for himself. Lucilla had afforded him accommodations as my bodyguard. He would now leave for Africa in hope of finding and rejoining his wife and children. I thanked him again for his friendship to Maximus and me and wished him well on his journey. We never saw or heard from him again.

Meridia was four-years-old when the frieze honouring her father was completed. Maximus had been entombed beside Marcus Aurelius, and the wall to the left of his tomb had been dedicated to his military victories. Lucilla and Lucius accompanied me on the day I took Meridia to Maximus’ tomb for the first time. I had explained that her father was a great general, the greatest in Roman history – perhaps a slight exaggeration, but Lucilla made no move to correct my particular vision of his exploits – and at last we stood before the giant frieze that covered the wall. I had told her that on this day I would take her to her father’s tomb, and that she would be able to see images of his face as they were carved into the wall. I picked her up and held her high so that she might trace the outlines of his face with her tiny fingers. She turned to look at me, her small hand resting on his face as depicted in one of the images.

“My papa?”

“Yes, Meridia, that was your papa.” The image of his face on which her fingers rested was two feet across, and she looked at it again before turning back to me.

“Papa was BIG!” I smiled.

“Not so large as this, Meridia, but he was a big man …and he was very gentle. He would have loved you very much.” She smiled with that secret knowledge available only to the very young and innocent.

“He loves me now …he visits me in my dreams.” I had little doubt of that; he visited me in my dreams as well. She turned to her brother who stood silently beside us and close to his mother.

“Did you know my papa?” He smiled and held out his arms to take her from me. Lucius was a young man, now in his 16^th year and no longer a child.

“Yes, I did, Meridia. He was my papa, too, and he was a kind and gentle man even when he was making war on the barbarians.” She leant in and kissed him noisily on the cheek that was now shaved thrice weekly; though his hair was reddish like his mother’s, he had his father’s tough and heavy dark beard.

“I love you, Lucius!”

“As I love you, Little One.” He put her on her feet and looked at us. “Come, Meridia, let us go find something fun to do and leave these old ladies to their memories.” She laughed gaily as he took her hand; he looked back at us as they left, sorrow in his eyes and on his face. Lucius had loved his father long before learning that he was Maximus’ son; he mourned him deeply and likely always would. Lucilla moved closer to me as I returned my attention to the frieze.

“What do you think of it?” I could do nothing other than be honest. Fortunately, there was no need for pretence between us, and I knew she would understand my words.

“It is beautifully rendered …and I hate it. I hate that he spent his life in the Army and that it cost him all he held dear.” I turned to face her fully. “Lucilla, I thank you for the honour you do Maximus …I only wish this monument showed more of the man I knew.” She nodded.

“As do I. But the citizens would never understand Maximus the farmer. To them he is Rome’s greatest general and the Saviour of Rome. That is what will be recorded in history and that is how he will be remembered.” She was right. I linked my arm in hers and we walked out and up the stairs and on to the sunlight. Years later as I lay on my deathbed I saw in my mind’s eye the strong young man I had loved with all my heart and smiled to myself. Truly, I had been loved and loved well.

I closed my eyes to see Maximus standing before me, smiling with his hand outstretched to mine. I took it and felt again the warmth of his skin and strength of his grip. He held me close and suddenly we were standing together, young again and whole, as we had been in the past. He would always care for Ileana and Marcus, but it was me he had waited for these long years. His voice was soft and his breath warm on my skin as he spoke softly in my ear.

“Come with me, Cara. We are together until the end of time …Eternity awaits us.”

Now we are free.

This concludes
One Moment in Time

NOTES

Cohort	A Cohort included six Centuriae consisting of ten Contubernium (a contubernium was comprised of eight men) with a total of 80 men commanded by a Centurionor for a total of 480 fighting men, not including officers. In addition, the first cohort was double strength but with only five Centuriae instead of the normal six. A Legion consisted of ten Cohorts, or approximately 6,000 men and officers. The historical data indicate that as legions were generally understaffed, the true numbers comprising a Legion may have been closer to the range of 5,300 to 5,500 men.
Galen	The Greek-trained physician and surgeon commonly believed to have been Marcus Aurelius personal physician and physician to the royal family.
Conclāmātiō	The ceremony of calling out to the dead in the hope that they will answer.
Conclāmātum est	The announcement that the individual is, in fact, dead.
Dies Lustricus	Roman ceremony for naming of children, commonly held on the ninth day following the child’s birth.

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