Lost Weekend
and
But It's Over Now

by

Diana Walker
and
Reagan Kavanagh

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended.  Copyright Reagan Kavanagh & Diana Walker 2005.

Lost Weekend


But It's Over Now

DIANA

The alarm beeps. Time to feed. I roll over, wondering why Okie isn't grumping at me for disturbing him before he is ready to get up, and Holly isn't doing her potty dance, only to run into a brick wall. Terry! He's still here. That’s why Holly and Okie aren’t in here. I'll be damned. He's still here. He had only promised a good evening; he certainly delivered that. I didn't expect him to be here this morning.

How can he sleep with that noise in his ear? He is sprawled on his back, one knee crooked, an arm thrown over his head, and his face boyish in its peace. I don't think he moved all night. I expected him to wake quickly. So many differences between my expectations and the reality.

My reality is shutting off the alarm before it does wake him and feeding a horde of hungry horses. Feeding time turns them from a polite herd into a marauding horde. I throw on my barn outfit without thinking – a huge, oversized, red T-shirt, nylon shorts in electric orange, and lime green coasters, turn off the alarm, and dash out the bedroom French door. Okie is stretching and yawning, coming out of his doghouse; Holly smiles her morning greeting; the herd has their heads hanging over the dog yard fence, lined up and waiting.

I have everyone in their stalls, munching on the hay Nancy had thrown last night. Bless her; Nancy is a jewel of a neighbor. I keep her horse so Gillie, her fat mare, has the company of my herd; Nancy looks after the place while I'm gone. She had been surprised when I made arrangements with her to feed last night.

“Just the night of the 15^th? You rarely go out at night.”

“I got suckered into going to the opera with Reags, Max, and Dino. You know, the guy I met Labor Day.” In a small town, it is better to put out the real story first before the wild speculation begins. That way the gossip at least has a truthful starting point. When it got too wild, Nancy would be able to put it right.

“Well, have a good time. Now that we have the new home theater, I can't even get Bill to go to the movies.”

That had been the total conversation we had regarding my night out. Yet, here was Nancy at 6:15 AM, willing to dip up feed or oversee me doing it.

“Traded cars instead of going out, did you?” Shit, Terry's black Jag is in the drive, not my white Tahoe. Nancy had to walk right past it to get to the big gate, and even in the dark there was no mistaking the fact that my truck was not there. Speculation on this will be wild. It will all die down quickly though. After all, the local high school team is playing a crucial football game tonight. We have our priorities straight. What is more important – my love life or football? Why, football, of course.

“Umm, no. It was late so my date stayed. There was a last minute change in plans; I went with Terry Thorne, the other partner. No big thing.”

She tried to hide her surprise. She is accustomed to my life of lists and plans. “I've never known you to date at all, let alone juggle two men. Are you sure you are up to managing two who work together?”

"Not really. I won't be juggling." I'll tell Nancy in my own good time how I went from one to two to no men in my life.  That is as soon as I figure it out.  Selfishness, thoughtlessness, and greed will figure in.

Horses are all fed at the end of our conversation, and all I had done was omit where he had slept. No mean feat with my brain and emotions as scrambled as they were.

Terry's up and about when I come in from the barn without the dogs. I left them in the yard, as there is no reason for them to meet a one-night stand. I hadn't had one of those in years – long before Okie and Holly had arrived. I walk through the bedroom to lean on the door jamb and look into the open area.

“Right, and thanks, Max.” He flips his phone shut and drops his case, undoubtedly his go bag, inside the front door. He’d been out front to his car while Nancy and I were in the barn. What a sight. Barefoot, tux pants, tux shirt with the stud right at his breastbone the only one fastened, cuffs flapping.

“Mornin', Love.” His voice has switched from office professional to sleepy, love me again. He walks to me gathering me in his arms, bending down to kiss me with more than “Mornin', Love” in its meaning, snuffling my hair. I have to put my arms around his neck to make myself tall enough to appreciate the full effect of the kiss. It stretches my arm, shoulder, and back muscles to their fullest. I sigh in satisfaction from the kiss and the stretch.

“Mornin' to you too.” He is lucky to have gotten the four words from me; I wake up cheerful but largely uncommunicative. Pity he missed the gravel voice that I prefer to think of as sounding like Lauren Bacall. Now that is as close to sexy as I get. It is a shame it was wasted on Nancy.

“Mmmmh, you smell good. I've made arrangements for Max to have the desk today. It is good to have a few chits in the bank!” He sounds genuinely happy. His eyes scan down my barn uniform, and he smiles. “Lovely outfit. Let's get you out of it. We can really get out of bed later.”


We are piled up in bed with dog faces pressed against the door. I marvel at how his belly hair twirls around my finger; he is seemingly fascinated with my cheek. “Time to meet the day. We need to talk.” That is the second time in less than 24 hours he has said that. The first time it turned out OK. This time the law of averages guarantees it will be bad news even though he pats my bottom to encourage me to move.

“So talk. I'll lay here and listen to it rumble around in your chest.” My ulterior motive is that I don't want to see his face when he tells me that it was all a terrible mistake and being with me made him realize that Miranda is so right for him. No, he won't say that. He'll say he's got an early meeting in a few hours, and he has to go. No, he won't say that either; Max is covering the office.

How can I make this easy for him? Let's see. We have a shitload of things planned in the next few months that we both were supposed to attend. I can manage not to see him at the thing in DC. After last night, there is no way I can continue seeing Dino, but I can't leave him high and dry for the Ball.

Let's say Dino still wants me to go with him. There are lots of ways I can stay away from Terry. I can keep myself occupied on the Mall or go out to hunt country and ride. I can hang out with Maximus and Reags, if necessary, and they’ll understand. That way Dino doesn't have to be near me either. Dino and I don't have to be anywhere near Terry at the Ball. The easiest answer will be that Dino doesn't want to have anything to do with me either, and I don't have to go to the Ball at all. As soon as Terry leaves, I'll think about some solutions. I'll let my subconscious chew on it a while, and then tomorrow in the shower, the right answer will come to me. It always does.

Thanksgiving. Terry will have something come up at Thanksgiving, and he'll pass on going to Max and Reags'. Yep, I can survive the next few months.

Holiday party. That is an entirely different problem. “Um, Terry. About the holiday party. Capt. Bigelow may schedule me for something, and I may be gone all of December. I hope you understand. I wasn't thinking far enough in advance.”

“Where did that come from? Get something on. Something big and loose and frumpy, if you have it; the Technicolour Wonder from earlier will work a treat. Seriously, we need to talk.” Terry had his back to me pulling on running shorts and a tee. If he was going to leave, he didn't have to make such a big production of it.

TERRY

I had told Max I would break it off with Miranda officially before I dragged Diana into my sorry life. That can't happen. Diana and I have a long weekend ahead of us, and I will not waste a moment of it away from her. She has made me feel more of a man than since I was with …who? Face it. Diana has made me feel more of a man than I had thought possible. It hit me then …was this what Max had been talking about when he’d told me how meeting Reagan had virtually sucker-punched him, shifting his entire world off centre in a matter of moments? Funny …I just realised I’ve begun thinking of her as Diana, rather than Dee. Her name is too lovely to be shortened to a diminutive. My emotions are too big for a nickname.

Diana is a quick one; she was dressed and gone before I had finished scratching. I did stop to admire the two dogs looking in the door; I might as well start getting to know some of the beasties around here but not too well. She might throw my sorry arse out when she hears what I have to say. No need to put the blighters through some bloke they may never see again. Where the hell did I ever get the idea I was an honourable man? My actions over the last few weeks certainly demonstrated a distinct lack of honour.

When I emerge from the bedroom, Diana is in the kitchen. I come up behind her to put my arms around her waist. I still need to touch her skin; glad I suggested the loose shirt and particularly glad she didn't tuck it in. My thumb begins roaming over her ribcage, lightly brushing the underside of the girls. I feel her shiver slightly, and her back lengthen up my chest as her head drops against my shoulder. Another note made. "Mmmmh. Is coffee OK, or would you rather have a cuppa?"

I look down the long expanse of countertop at the appliances lined up against the white splashboard. Brave woman - a white countertop. Ice crusher, coffee maker, coffee grinder, a proper kettle, all plugged into a grounded power strip. I reach across her chest to lift the kettle top only to find lime deposits on the heating element. At least she isn't perfect. I’d been worried for a tic.

"Coffee, black." I open the cabinet door above her head to get the cups out and to have her lean back into me again. It feels too right to have her stretching against me. All the coffee cups have big handles; a big paw like mine can get more than one finger through, and the cups hold enough coffee to make morning worthwhile.

"If you keep that up, I will jump your bones right here."

I bent down to nip her ear. One thing about Diana – she can make me laugh in the oddest situations. "Can't; won't. Frangers are in the bedroom." Maybe I should take her up on that offer because once she hears what I have to say about my most recent indiscretions, she'll give me the flic, and my prospects for getting any in the near future do not look too good right now. "Let's go sit in the lounge. We'll hear when the coffee is ready, and I need to talk now while my courage is up." I felt rather than heard her chuckle.

"I could say ...but I won't.” I laughed again while frog marching her in front of me to the lounge with my hand still caressing her belly. “At least you are walking frontwards this time, unlike getting into the house last night.”

“Last night I would have done cartwheels to get into the house.” She sat down on the end of the L shaped, red denim sectional. I decided that the crook of the L was as close as I should get right now in case she decided to take her anger out at me physically. I could take Dino's ribbing about losing the girl but not about the black eye Diana has every right to give me.

I suppose her widened eyes and fading smile should not have surprised me, but it did. I had gone from groping her to having no contact whatsoever. Talk about communicating badly.

Diana could see I was having a hard time finding a way to start and decided to have pity on me. She leant down the sofa, extending her hand as if to console me. I reached for her hand as the lifeline I hoped it would be. “Really, about the holiday party. You should take Miranda.”

Since Miranda was my thorniest issue, I could tackle that first. Dino next. The full admission could come later.

“Last night was everything I could have hoped for. From here on there is nothing that I am going to say to you is going to be easy to hear. All I can ask is that you not judge me until I get it all out.” She said nothing, so I forged ahead.

“Miranda and I were never close. We were helpful to each other. She has her work as her all consuming passion. Dino, Max, and I were too busy growing the business, and Miranda and I got complacent. I was too tired, too …comfortable to look for anyone else. I can only speculate what she got out of our relationship besides business. She was able to shuttle business our way, and we reciprocated.

“There has been nothing between us for a year but expediency. I have been thinking for a while that I needed to break it off with her; we've been trying to get our schedules coordinated since Labour Day so I could talk to her. That’s proven a major problem – schedules – and ours have always been a problem. Of course, she may be ducking me. I don't know.” I dropped my head. First I defend Dino; now I have to admit that I am an unromantic bastard.

“But you are taking her to DC to the Ambassador's, and she is your official company hostess.”

“A lot has changed lately. Miranda was the company hostess out of necessity; 'was' is the operative word. I probably never did need her as a hostess. I only thought I did. Sooze and I did all the planning and organizing. Miranda showed up and worked the room for her own benefit.”

“My God, Terry, we sound like we are talking about a staffing situation!”

“In a way, I am, and that is sad. After three years, Miranda has become a slot on an organization chart. We've been mostly business associates for a long time now. It just hasn’t paid either of us to admit it.” I stopped to judge her response. She said nothing, waiting for me to continue.

“I’ve arranged not to have the desk this weekend. I’d like to spend it with you, …if you can stand to be round such an unromantic bastard, that is.” I tried for a casual tone with that last comment. “I will make the time I need to get into town and talk to Miranda.”

“All you promised me was a wonderful evening, Terry. Anything beyond that is gravy. But you can’t just come waltzing into my life and expect me to throw everything over for you. I’ll do it this weekend, but don’t expect it on a routine basis.” I doubt she realised what she’d said …don’t expect it on a routine basis.

One down. “What are you going to do about Dino?”

“What the hell is there to do about Dino?” I slid down the couch and took her hands in mine.

“Don’t you think you owe him an explanation? Or would you rather not say anything to him?” Her eyes were doing a slow back and forth shift …a tell for her that she had no fucking clue as to what I was talking about. “I was led to believe that you and Dino have a rather good thing going.”

“Well, we do. I enjoy being around him. He’s fun …a little manic for my taste, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.” The implication was loud and clear; she wasn’t a part of the physicality that Dino had described. The bastard had lied to throw me off my game.

“I see I need to be a bit more descriptive.” I was coming to the realisation that whilst Max and I do it, we don’t talk much about it. Perhaps that’s part of the British reserve that got passed along to the Antipodeans. Americans – Dino in particular – seem to talk about it more than they do it. Sex, that is, just in case that wasn’t glaringly apparent. Diana’s American, so she likely doesn’t do it as much as Dino implied.

What approach do I use? Ask her questions? If I ask questions, I’m at risk because I don’t know the answers, but I’m beginning to believe that where Diana is concerned, Dino’s a legend in his own mind. Tell her what Dino's told me? It would hurt her more to know that Dino has been telling tales. I don't want to hurt her. Right. Questions and risk it is. I leant in as close as I thought she’d allow me and put my hand on her cheek.

“The day you and Dino met and spent the night tending the fire at Reags’ and Max’s place …. Were you and Dino tending more than one fire?”

“Well, it was only one fire, but it was big one.” I ran my hands through my hair and then rubbed the back of my neck. Christ! She still doesn’t see where I’m trying to go with this. Time to change manoeuvres.

“Dino led me to believe that the two of you started a relationship that night. Is that correct?”

“Well, hell, yes. I met him that afternoon.” Nothing but the graphic words were going to get through to her.

“Diana, did you shag Dino that night?” Her eyes flashed, and she sat up ramrod straight.

“Dino told you I fucked him?” She had changed visibly from a logical conversationalist to an angry interviewer. I shouldn't have worried about the graphic language.

“Not in so many words, but the implication was quite clear.”

“That lying son of a bitch! Am I supposed to have done him other than that night? When else would have I have had the opportunity to have done him? The only other time I’ve seen him was the day I took him to put his car in the shop. God! I’m going to fucking kill him.” She looked at me, eyes narrowed. “Terry, did he imply that, or did you infer that? Is that why you wanted to take me to the opera? You thought I’d be an easy lay?” If she doesn’t kill him, I will. The smooth road to potential romance with Diana is littered with road bumps named Dino.

“No, I didn’t think you’d be an easy lay. That’s not why I wanted to be your escort last night. It was time we finally met. I saw my chance; I was in a position to make it happen, and I did.”

“What precisely did Dino say?” She wasn’t buying my efforts to side step the convos Dino and I’d had.

“We talked about your ability for giving explicit instructions and how the earth moved. We also talked about rugged nights and early mornings.” She shook her head.

“Well, all of that is technically true,” I began pulling at my eyebrow, and she batted my hand away, “and I can just hear how he wove that into a set of wonderful sexual tales. God! What a slut you must have thought I was. Of course, I did hop straight into bed with you last night, didn’t I?”

I smiled at her. “I didn’t give you a lot of choice in the matter, Diana.”

“Oh, I did have choices. I chose you no matter the cost; I knew you were seeing Miranda. I never thought about how she would feel about you sleeping with someone else. I didn't care.

“Just how graphic did he get? Or did your mind just naturally fall into the gutter? I have overheard some locker room conversations, Terry.”

“I made the leap, yes, but I couldn’t imagine the woman I’d met in Washington – and thought I knew on principle – doing that. You don’t seem the type.”

“So how do you rationalize last night?”

“Rational thought has nothing to do with last night. Last night I made love to the woman I’ve been thinking about for three years. And she made love to me.” She looked like a ‘roo in the headlamps; I was going a bit too fast for her just now. “So whilst I’m breaking it off with Miranda, you’re not going to have to be breaking off anything with Dino?”

“There’s nothing to break off except maybe his dick; he’s a friend, nothing more. And now I’m starting to wonder about that. Is it normal for men to invent sexual escapades where none existed? For Christ’s sake, Terry, Dino and I were on banana noses!”

“It’s not that uncommon. I don’t know why he did it; I only know that he did. Well, that’s one less loose end we have to tie up. Diana, my life is messy right now. This is not the way I wanted to begin this between us. Last night I wanted it to be about wine, roses, and romance. Instead, I was all over you like a randy school boy.”

“You had company in that, Terry.”

I shook my head at her. “Wait. Just be quiet for a tic. This is hard enough …you have to let me say this. We’ve just met, and while I don’t have the desk, we have to condense things because I don’t know when I’ll get called out …that can happen at any time. I do know I have this weekend clear. And I want to spend it with you. I don’t know if we can have a relationship, but I’d like us to find out by trying to make a start this weekend. I wish we didn’t have other people in this mix, but we do.” I shook my head in annoyance at myself. “For a man who’s built his life’s work on communications, I’m not doing too well just now, am I? I don’t even know if the ‘R-word’ frightens you.” She neatly evaded my implied question by side-stepping it.

“I think it’s a little early for that, but I do want to see you again. If that means we have to condense things that normal couples have months to get through, I’m willing to try it.”

DIANA

Nerd girl dating the star quarterback? This isn’t happening. Make that frightened nerd girl. So the timing on this is off. I can live with that. I reached for the note pad and pen that is always on my coffee table. I wrote ….

Miranda

Dino

And drew a line through Dino’s name.

Dino

“Dino knows how screwed he is, right?” I needed to know how much Dino actually knew about last night.

“He was shouting about going to Boston before he got out of my office. He knew nothing about my suspicions about our prior meetings or my intentions. Honestly, Diana, I had no plans other than spending time with you.”

“Last night at the office, you said you would explain later what you meant by It's my turn. In our condensed time frame, later is now.” I put down the note pad and slid closer to him. I wanted to hear the rumble.

He tilted my head up so I could see and watch him. I wonder if he knows how expressive his eyes can be. “The facts you deciphered last night – about our prior meetings. I thought I would have more time to put all this together so it would make sense to you.” He was looking quite lost like you do in the middle of an over-rehearsed briefing, and the wrong slide goes up.

“Fuck and spaghetti. They are both just words. Different people put different meanings on the words. Dump the words out there, and we'll sort them out together. Wander around if you have to. You'll get to what you need to say eventually.” I hoped I was encouraging enough.

“For a long time, I've felt something or someone was missing in my life. I couldn't name what it was. On the outside, I look like I have the world by the tail. Successful business, good looking shiela, good mates. I'm driven to be the best; that means lots of work hours. It meant sacrificing my personal life. I don't have one.

“In the last few years, I've been noticing people – couples – even in the hell holes I go to who manage to have a life. They have a hope for the future. It dawned on me – they have someone in their life who cares how their day has been. I want that but don't know how to begin trying to make it happen. Every so often I remembered seeing this beautiful woman who held me in the palm of her hand. I thought she – you – might be able to help me fill this hole here.” He put my hand on his chest. “She was this dream that kept me going. Then I met Miranda, and I settled for what was possible.”

“I don't know if I know how to help someone else. I'm happy with my life; it works for me. There are days I don't know how I had time to work and keep this place up. I don't know if ....”

“I'm not asking for forever. Just let my sorry arse in for a while. I let my head overrule my heart too often. This time when I let my heart lead, I kicked over all my own principles. I live my life trying to make my clients' lives whole again. In trying to make my life full, I've mistreated my best mate with no explanation and abandoned a woman who gave me the best that she could. Based on that, you should show me the door right now. Give me a chance to make this right.”

His eyes, his amazing eyes had reflected every emotion his words had said. I hadn't expected Terry Thorne to be able to articulate his hopes and fears. I had expected his eyes to speak, and they had, eloquently. I wanted nothing other than to throw myself on him and yell “Yes!” At the top of my lungs.

Terry deserved better.

“I doubt I can live up to your dream, but I will try my damnedest. You may not like what you see. But if you go on down the road, it will have been worth every moment. Between the two of us, we should be able to get this worked out. What other messes do we need to clean up before you and I can start with a fresh slate?” He looked at the note pad and seemed relieved that I’d gone into spreadsheet mode, even though it wasn’t in Project.

“So …you break it off with Miranda. Are you going stag to the Ambassador’s Ball?”

He smiled before he spoke. “You’d best write that one down. I don’t expect you’d fancy going with Dino at this point.”

I wrote, crossed off, and he smiled again.

Ambassador’s Ball – Dino

I suppose I ought to be realistic about this so Terry can have some options. “Answer a hypothetical situation for me. At the end of this weekend, we find we hate each other’s guts. My not attending won’t cause any raised eyebrows; your absence is a whole different matter. I’ll make you a deal. No matter how this weekend turns out, we will keep our relationship civil. No matter what, I will go with you to DC. It wouldn’t pay for you to show up without a date. As a matter of fact, that could cause you some problems.” I wrote again.

Ambassador’s Ball – Terry

“You were planning on asking me, weren’t you?” I was back in professional mode so the 'Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please.' did not sound in my voice.

“I was …and I am.”

“I will.” I added to the list, skipping a line between the new entry and the preceding one.

Works no problem

Thanksgiving

doesn't work – T finds excuse

He reached across and took the pen from me, crossing through the ‘doesn’t work’ entry once then adding a second line through for emphasis.

Works no problem

Thanksgiving

doesn't work – T finds excuse

I searched his eyes.

“What other mess do you need to clean up?” He still had the pen in his hand and added a line.

Routine K&R case load??? He added a second line.

Dino.

He looked at me. “I’ll handle the chat with Dino. I started the problem; I’ll finish it. I know you need to talk to him, but let me talk with him first.” Another addition.

Security discussion Diana

We had to laugh even in the midst of a very tough discussion. “You don't need to go over those. Vary my route; stagger my schedule; strengthen the locks; pull the spare keys from their hiding places; actually lock doors; drive defensively; stay alert and assume the worst. I wrote the security procedures for some projects I worked on. I will have to upgrade the outside lighting. The stars and moon won't cut it anymore.” He reached over and struck through

“That was easier than I expected,” he laughed.

Terry walked into the bedroom, then called back to me.

“Where’s my tux?”

“In the closet …I hung it up for you.” I heard the closet door open, followed by his voice.

“This is bloody big enough for another bedroom. Is this where I’m sleeping after our first row?” He walked back in, cell phone in hand, and sat beside me on the couch, hit a speed dial number, and held the phone close enough for me to hear Miranda’s voice on her answering machine.

“This is Miranda. Leave a message.”

“Terry here. Been trying to run you down for weeks. I’ll meet you at your place Monday night at seven.” He snapped the phone and looked at me.

I looked over my shoulder toward my desk. “This is getting too complicated …let’s fire up the computer and open Project.”

“You have Project?”

“Um hmm.”

“Now I know I’m in love!”

TERRY

After sorting through the how to clean up the mess bit, she burned a copy to disk for me, virus-checked it, popped it out, and handed it to me.

“Your mess, Terry. Here’s your operational plan.” I dropped the disk into the side pocket of my briefcase, grabbed her hand, and pulled her with me to the couch. We lay down and promptly fell asleep. I was first to wake, picked up one of the remotes, and it turned on the telly. I muted it before I began flipping through the channels in her ‘Typical’ directory, just to see what sort of channels she had programmed. History channel, History International …bloody hell, she’s got the Military channel programmed. All the news stations, and two premium movie channels – HBO and Starz. At least I won’t have to remember to stop by a video store for movie nights in. Fox Sports was there as well.

I hit Menu, and went to the next directory, labeled Animals. Fox Sports is on that one, too, and it doesn’t have a bloody thing to do with animals. OLN, RFDTV …those were on ‘Typical’ as well. Animal Planet …that’s a given. Hmmm. This is interesting …she has the music channels in this directory. Next menu …Style. This must be the girly bits. Style, E!, Bravo, BBC. Fox Sports again. All the news channels. And the music again. I clicked again, and she moved a bit …must be coming round.

She has a totally Music directory. Fox Sports can’t be on this one …it is. Time to get serious about the sort of music she likes. Fifties and Sixties’ rock and rock, Classic Rock, Elvis, the Stones, Margaritaville, Blue Grass, Classic Country, Outlaw Country, and the Symphony channel.

“What are you doing?”

“Snooping to see what you have programmed on the telly, and I’m very impressed. Fox Sports is on every one of your custom directories; we can get to footy from anywhere.” I leant down and kissed her. “That’s my sheila!”

“I don't suppose I should tell you about the footy match you missed last night when you dropped off to sleep.” Now she got playful on me, getting up and walking toward the kitchen, stopping on her way to boot up the computer again. She went to the refrigerator, turning to smile back at me.

“I have the American version of VB.” Wagging the can out for inspection was her version of a come-on. It worked on me. I grinned at her as I made a lunge for the tinnie.

“Do you need the disk back? Did you think of something else to add to my messes to be cleaned up?”

“Nope. Just need to check a recipe …my cookbook is on the computer.” I had popped open the tin she gave me and offered her a sip. Do you know how to tell when a bloke loves you? He is willing to share his beer. I walked over to stand behind her at the computer as she clicked on Favorites.

“What’s your fancy? Bangers and Mash or Shepherd’s Pie?”

“Which one means you don’t have to go the market?”

“Shepherd’s Pie.”

“Works a treat for me.”

“You were serious about spending the whole weekend together.” The laughter left her voice. “Oh, shit! I have to e-mail Alice I won’t be there tomorrow.” She went into her e-mail program and got that done. I walked over and leant against the island and looked about. You can see the computer screen from any point in the kitchen. No wonder she keeps her cookery book on the computer. I looked across the bar in to the lounge …you can also see the telly from anywhere in the kitchen. I can see why she prefers having Thanksgiving at her house. She can be in the kitchen and still watch the American football games. With the dining room open to the lounge and the open kitchen, this house was designed for entertaining.

“Come on …show me the rest of the house.” I'd already had unsupervised access to her closet. That’s rather personal in my book.

“There’s not much else to see …you’ve seen the bedroom. The north end of the house is the guest bedrooms and bath. I've converted one of the bedrooms into a home gym.” There was likely a devilish gleam in my eyes at that point.

“Guest bedrooms?”

Saturday Afternoon

I’d made the mistake before of not letting anyone see my flat, and we did need to get out of the house for a bit. Now was as good a time as any. Diana hadn’t anticipated having another mouth to feed for the weekend, and she was low on food. Besides, we were almost out of all beer – American VB and Shiner. I could take her to my place to be sure the doorman met her now and would recognise her in the future. Tonight, however, I was going to be a proper gentleman and wine and dine her. We’d both be able to demonstrate to the other that we could be a proper lady and gentleman, rather than the randy kids we’d been Thursday night. She’d need to take clothes for dinner as we’d spend the night at my place, and stop at the market on our way home tomorrow.

“Pack your kit.” I switched off the telly.

“Where am I going and for how long?”

“My place and dinner.”

“I blew it for dinner with Dino.” I tried to hide how uncomfortable her admission made me feel. “I'm sorry; I will outlaw the two times I met him from any future conversations. By the way, where are we going? I want to dress appropriately. Do I need McKinney Avenue clothes, or are we going to Deep Ellum?”

“McKinney Avenue.”

“Then we have to make a stop before your place. Can you say Victoria’s Secret? If you recall, my nylons went by the wayside on Thursday night …I’m not going to have to walk in front of you again, am I?”

“No. We’re both going to be proper grown ups this time.” Not that my behaviour at the moment was any indication of that ability on my part …my hand was underneath the sleeve of her shirt again, stroking the warm, bare skin.

“Right …long-sleeved black dress it is. And I need to call Nancy to feed the horses.”

“Do you run?” She looked at me as if I’d gone round the twist.

“Why should I? That’s why God made horses.”

“Ah …well, if you did I was going to say bring your togs and trackies, and we’ll get in a few laps at the gym.”

She grinned. “Ummm, Terry, those legs of yours have already gotten a good workout this weekend.” Too right; I could likely forego my usual conditioning until the first of the week. That settled, and her kit packed, we were out the door. I looked over my shoulder at her house as we walked toward the car.

“That’s a fucking station house.”

“Oh, that’s right …you haven’t seen it in daylight, have you?” We laughed our way to the car.

DIANA

As we pulled out of the driveway, I asked an obvious question. “Where is your place?”

“Tollway and Northwest Highway.” Oh, the ritzy part of town. Half an hour later, we turned onto Plutocrat Row.

“So, is Norm Brinker your right or left next door neighbor?”

“Actually, it’s the Frosts.”

“Ah …the guys who bankroll the oil bidness.” We pulled into the underground lot and his space, then we walked back out to the front entrance so Terry could be sure I met the doorman. Up to the door and the doormen smiled at Terry, opening the door wide.

“Mr. Thorne. How are you and the lady this afternoon?”

“Mates, let me introduce you to Diana Walker. You’ll be seeing her now and again. Be sure the other lads know.” He had my go bag in his hand as the larger of the two men spoke.

“Did you want to fill out the security questionnaire now, Mr. Thorne?”

“I’ll take it up with us and drop it off later.” He took the form and directed me to the elevators, one hand at the small of my back. At least his hand was at my waist and not under my t-shirt.


Joe and Willy looked at each other as the doors on the elevator closed. Joe spoke. “He’s lived here for almost five years, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen him bring in a woman.” Willy simply nodded.


Terry was halfway down the hall to the bedroom, and I was still standing in the entry hall. I may only see the inner sanctum once, but at least I’ve seen it. He stopped and turned back to look at me.

“Are you coming, or are you going to stand in the doorway all afternoon?”

“You had Adele Hunt decorate this place, didn’t you?”

“Not Adele, but one of her assistants.”

The living room looked like a country gentleman’s estate. Deep, dark woods, jewel tones, but thank God the upholstery didn’t look like an explosion in a Laura Ashley store. Well. I must have been still standing there, because he walked back and took my hand, tugging me along with him.

“Come on. Why have you gone shy on me?”

“Why are you showing me this, Terry? Why do they need a security form completed on me? This is just a weekend …you’re going to be gone Monday morning at seven.”

“Diana, have you not heard any of the important words I’ve said have you? I’ll be gone Monday only if you want me to be gone.” He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers from the ‘fridge, came back and nudged me toward the balcony that overlooked downtown Dallas to the south. He held his bottle out to click the neck against the one in my hand.

“Cheers, Mate.”

“Cheers.”

“Diana, I wouldn’t be shutting down the relationships both of us had with other people if I was only interested in you for the bloody weekend. If I were interested only in the pleasure of your company for the weekend, I’d never have told you of the conversations with Dino, and I’d never have called Miranda in your presence. Can’t you hear that, Diana? Listen to me now …you’ve only heard what you expected to hear. I don’t know who or what has made you so bloody afraid of believing that I’ll stay about, but I’d like to kill the bastard.” He got up, looked at me. “Stay here.” He walked back into the apartment and returned a couple of minutes later. There was something in his hand.

“This belonged to Gran. She gave it to me before she died, and I’ve carried it since. It’s a sort of talisman. No one has worn it since she took it off and gave it to me.” He opened his hand and in it was a huge blue topaz on a long, silver chain. He leaned down and put it around my neck, then sat down in front of me again, taking my hands in his as he spoke.

“Diana, I’m going to be in your life unless you ask me to go. When you are ready for me to go, you can take this off. Until then, I never want to see you without it.” I was as unnerved as I’d ever been in my life including listening to his words yesterday morning. Those I had managed to pass off as a man in lust. This was more intimate than sex with him had ever approached, and I had to get some breathing room. Okay, levity usually worked.

“Can I at least take it off when I shower?” His hand came up, and he put one finger at the base of my throat, tracing it lightly down my chest until he hit the top of the stone’s mounting, and he looked back into my eyes.

“No.” Oh, God. I am in such trouble.

 
By the time we got back from dinner, we were both totally knackered. I was also more than a little raw from the activities of the last 48 plus hours. A clear indication of how exhausted we truly were was that neither of us was helping the other get undressed for bed. Let’s see how good Mr. Thorne is at picking up signals. I kept my knickers on as I slid under the sheets. Terry looked over at me.

“Sore, Diana?”

“Don’t make a joke. It’s your fault.”

“Seems to me you were rather engaged in the process as well.” He picked up on the signal, and there was a grin on his face when he made that last comment as he climbed into bed. “It also seems that you weren’t so far away at your house …meet you in the middle for a cuddle?” We each did a half roll, putting us squarely in the middle of the depression in the center of the bed. Given the imprint of his body in the mattress, it’s obvious that he sleeps alone the majority of the time. The giggle erupted from both of us at the same time.

“I take it you sleep in the center of the bed?”

“Another first for you, Diana. You’re the first woman to sleep in this bed.” Whoa! Wasn’t expecting that, not the revelation and certainly not the fact. I may not be as willing to bare my soul to Terry as he is to me, but I can sure show him what he means to me and give us a first in this bed.

I love kissing this man's chin; the cleft in it is made for a lick. His arms tightened around me. I kissed up his chin to nibble at his lower lip before kissing his lips completely. His arms tightened again.

He was already finding it difficult to form sentences. “Diana, don't start...” While his lips were trying to form words, I could kiss his Adam's apple. “Something...” I moved my kisses to the hollow of his throat while brushing his collar bone with the tips of my fingers. I began telegraphing where my lips would be next with light touches. His pecs, his breastbone, leading a trail down his arrow hair with a stop to investigate his innie, back to his ribs.

I thought I heard him say, “Diana, don't stop...” or “Diana, wrong direction...” but I couldn't be sure. When I touched him, his groan reinforced what I thought I heard. It really didn't matter; he was almost beyond speech.

I traced the veins on his balls with the tip of my tongue, every single one of them, moving towards his shaft but not touching him. His shaft anticipated the first touch of my mouth. “Yes.”

His hand tangled in my hair as I traced the veins upwards to the V below the head. He wanted to thrust into my mouth so much; it took all his will to let me love him in my own way.

A slow and sensuous love. Every part of him was focused on my mouth and how I was taking him ever so close. “Diana...”

“I know.” I mouthed around his cock, and that movement was what sent him over.

*

I went to sleep in the aforementioned cuddle eventually with my head on his shoulder until he woke me later with his thrashing around. He hadn’t done that in my bed, so what was going on here? I rolled over to the edge to give him more room. The look in his face was not the peaceful look I had seen on his face when he slept at my place. Hmmm. How can you get used to seeing someone’s face in just two nights? Yet, I could tell a distinct difference. This was a different man than the one I’d slept next to the past two nights. Well. Another sleepless night for me, but this wasn’t as pleasurable as the preceding two. Maybe if I lay on him he’ll be still. I rolled partially onto him, one leg between his, and my arm draped over his chest, my fingers stroking his ear lobe.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to settle you down so I can get some sleep.”

“Playing with my ear is not the way to do it. What was I doing?”

“Thrashing all over the bed, and when you weren’t doing that, you were twitching. I was afraid you were going to throw your arm over and break my nose. Remember, you are used to sleeping alone here.”

“Oh, Christ, I don’t want to have to explain a plaster on your nose to Max tomorrow.”

“Be serious!”

“I was.”

“Speaking of Max …when he passed ‘ownership’ of me from himself to you on Thursday night, your arm immediately went around my chair …could you be a bit more subtle in the future?”

“What do you mean?”

“The arm draped around my shoulders for starters …that was clearly a possessive move. You don’t own me. No one does.” He wiggled loose from me and pushed himself up on his elbow to look me in the eyes.

“Why would you think I want to possess you? I wouldn’t want a woman who would allow me to possess her. I want a woman with some fire; you've got that in spades. I do want to protect you; it's in my nature. If you recall, it was one of the few times that night I wasn't touching you somewhere.

“Diana, we’re never going to have a relationship that looks like anyone else’s. But so long as it works for us, who the fuck cares what anyone else thinks?”

“I don’t, Terry. I’ve never been in a relationship long enough to make comparisons on how other couples work. All I know is what I don't want. I am not cut out to be the 'little woman'; I won't always cook. Laundry gets done at the last minute; I'm pulling jeans out of the dryer and putting them on as I'm walking out the door. I've been on my own for so long I don't know how to act as part of a couple. We can't push that into a three day weekend; that can only come through being together over time I think.” He smoothed my tousled hair in such a gentle way.

“Are you saying this weekend wasn't a good idea?”

“I'm not saying that at all; I have loved every moment. What I am saying is I don't see why you would want me.”

“I've done a piss poor job of telling you then. You make me look at myself. I would change how I got us to here, but, make no mistake, I would have found a way. I love the way all your emotions show on your face when we are together; I love how you can command a room in a briefing. You are so unpretentious, totally unlike the corporate wives I see everywhere. Yes, I noticed all the red shorts and white tee shirts. Your uniform? You look better in the Technicolour Wonder first thing in the morning than any Sloane Ranger at lunch.

“I have no doubt that when I am about to make a perfect arse of myself you will step up and get me the fuck out of the situation. You'll do it without embarrassing me as well. I don't fancy the arse kicking you'll give me later in private, but I do welcome it. Does that make any sense at all?

“We just seem to fit.”

He sees me like that? Why can't I see me through Terry's eyes? “We didn't seem to fit the other night.” His eyes got a lascivious gleam that made me laugh. “Not then. Before. When I tried to help you with your shoes. I was trying to speed things up. Your shoes seemed to be off limits.”

“They are.” He gathered me in his arms, cradling my head in his hand. “You are bound and determined to get all my sordid past out right away.” I struggled backwards to see him; that was not going to happen.

“Try not to be disappointed in me. When you knelt, I flashed to other women who had done that before. I didn't want any of that for us.” He dropped his head and shook it slowly.

“I'm sorry I was trying to rush you along. Your shoes are your own until I can figure out a way to get them off you differently. I will, you know. Terry, I doubt you could disappoint me. Haven't so far. It was a very good first time.” I tried to put a laugh in my voice to end these dark confessions. I struggled to break free to kiss him. A few kisses on his chest didn't work so I blew a raspberry on his chest. That worked.

“I get a question now.” Like the true negotiator he is, Terry was going tit for tat. “Why did you let me into your closet?”

If he had been embarrassed about going to whore houses, now it was my turn. “Want the truth? I didn't want to get off the couch. I was much too comfortable. I am great about designing procedures because I am so lazy.”

He was still giggling when he asked me another question. “Why were you rubbing my ear?”

“Because I’ve done that all my life. When I was little, I used to rub my ear and suck my thumb to put myself to sleep. I did it to my folks too. I guess I’ve always found it comforting. Doing it to you was unconscious, I think.”

“Maybe you thought I needed comforting?”

“Well, you were pretty restless.” He lay back down and moved his arm under my shoulders, scooping me back into his side.

“Do it again.” I did. He smiled as his eyes closed.

“Yeah, Baby. That’s just what I need.” I was smiling as I drifted off to sleep. I hate it when he calls me Love; he calls everyone Love. I really hate Baby, too. Something else for us to work on.


The ear rubbing bit worked until I fell asleep and stopped, at which point, he started thrashing again. I punched him.

“Wake up, Terry!”

“What?!” I grabbed at the comforter and rolled towards the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?”

“Terry, you don’t want to see me in sleep-deprived cranky mode first thing in the morning. I’m going to sleep out on the couch.” He grabbed the comforter corner and jerked it from my hands.

“The hell you are. Neither of us getting any sleep in this fucking bed. Get dressed. We’re going home.”

TERRY

I pulled the Jag into her garage when we got back to the house. Diana suggested that, as by doing so, Nancy would feed the horses in the morning as she’d not realise we were home. As we got into bed, I turned off the alarm. With Nancy feeding, we didn’t need to get up at the arse-crack of dawn.

Having the alarm go off at six on Friday morning wasn’t pleasant, and it had been difficult to lie there pretending to be asleep until Diana draped herself across me to shut it off. I had a wonderful pressie for her thanks to Mother Nature, but she popped off the alarm and bailed out of the rack, pulling on clothes to go feed the horses. It appears I’ve a lot to learn about the care and feeding of them, as I’d never realised they had to be fed within a 15-minute window in order to get the full benefit of their meal. That alarm bit was not going to be a problem this morning. We’d got to bed at three, and I don’t think either of us woke until eleven. Well, I didn’t wake until eleven. Diana already had the American football pre-game shows on when I cracked an eye open. Wonder if I can persuade her to trade Terry Bradshaw for Terry Thorne? Ooohhhhh, I can …. I felt even more victorious when at some point during the next half hour, she fumbled on the bedside table for the remote and turned off the telly. Score one for Souths!

I lay on my back a short while later, and the words were out of my mouth before I realised I’d said them. “Bloody frangers.”

“No one likes them, Terry. But they’re a necessity at this point.”

“I’ll ask Max where he got tested and stop at the clinic this week.” I took her silence as agreement, and we said nothing more on the subject.

Monday Morning

I was leaving for the office earlier than I wanted, but I hadn’t brought clothes for the week along when we left my place on our midnight pilgrimage out here. Our stolen moment in time was over, and we had to reenter the real world. I was dressed when Diana returned from feeding the horses. I’d not made coffee because there wasn’t time. She didn’t know my morning routine, and I didn’t know hers except that the horses came first; we’d have to sort that out as we moved forward.

“You’re leaving already?”

“I need clean clothes and have to stop for petrol. I don’t know what the traffic’s like from out here, and I need to allow time.” I motioned to my kit on the floor. “Mind if I leave this here?”

“Be my guest.” Her tone said she didn’t think I’ll be back for it. Bugger all! I’ve given her Gran’s topaz. What does she think? That I have a gross of them and hand them out like sweets to the 'fuck of the moment'? She is still wearing the topaz though. I’ve taken her to my flat, and I’ve told her she’s the only woman who’s ever been in my bed there. I’ve met and won over her bloody dogs.

“I have to leave now, Diana. I have to go earn our crust, and I want to be there when Dino arrives.” I had the feeling she didn’t hear the our. I was glad she didn’t know that Max and Dino had come to blows earlier – Reags would never have divulged that – as she’d be worried that today I’d be the one pounding Dino into the floor of the car park. Or, worse yet, she didn’t have the confidence in me that I would stand my ground with Dino. I walked to the door, and she followed me. I turned to look at her.

“It was a wonderful weekend, Terry. Thanks.” I reached down and cradled the topaz in my hand as I looked at her. “Take good care of Gran today. I’ll see you tonight,” and kissed her like I might not be able to tomorrow. If Dino gets a punch in, a split lip would preclude any such activity.

DINO

The fucking bastard. That damned fucking bastard! If he tries that calm, negotiating crap on me, I’ll rip his fucking throat out. The longer I’d thought about it, the madder I’d gotten. This is the second damned time in two months the fucker has cut me off at the knees. This time, the bastard sends me out of town and does an end-run on my girl.

My girl. She was never my girl, and I know that, but I’d sure as hell wanted her to be. Diana had made it clear that she wasn’t my girl, and never would be, but Terry didn’t know that. I took a deep breath as I got out of the elevator and stood for a moment before pushing open the suite’s door. Down the hall to Terry’s office and walked in, closing the door behind. Terry stood as I turned to face him.

“You lying, stinking sack of shit.”

“I had my reasons, Mate. I saw her first.”

“Well, if you fucking saw her first, you made no fucking move.” He started around the corner of his desk, and I moved to meet him. I realized that he’d been expecting this reaction from me. He wasn’t in a suit; he was wearing a polo shirt and jeans just like I was because if he was wearing a dress shirt, he couldn’t throw a punch. He’d come in today expecting a fight, and he wasn’t going to be disappointed.

“Dino, why did you let me think you were sleeping with her?”

“Because that’s what you expected to hear.”

“That may be, but you elaborated to the point of allowing me to believe that there was a relationship where none existed. You lied to me, Dino, and you dragged Diana's reputation through the mud. Who else did you brag to? Anybody she knows professionally?”

“She’s no virgin, and she slept with you the night she met you.” I saw his fists clench at his sides, but he didn’t make a move toward me. “Hit that nail on the head, didn’t I?” His silence told me all I needed to know. Terry would never take a swing at me now. Dee was a different story. If Dee ever heard of that accusation, I was dead meat. He sighed and sat down, looking at me across the desk. He punched the intercom and asked Max to join us.

“You gonna have the General work me over again? If you want the crap beat out of me, step up and do it yourself.” Max walked in just as I said that and sat in one of the two remaining chairs. He must have been standing in the door of his office to have gotten here that fast. The General had been expecting this, too. Terry looked at me.

“Sit down, Dino, and both of you hear me out before you say another word.” I sat and looked at both of them. This should be interesting. I was surprised that he started with Max.

“Max, you lied to me about Reagan knowing who you – who we –were. Yes, it was a lie of omission, but a lie, nonetheless. Dino, you lied about having a relationship with Diana when none existed. We can’t keep this firm afloat if the principals are lying to each other.” Max took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Terry, you did tell her this weekend, did you not?” Terry stood, turned, and looked out the north window of his office for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and turning back to us.

He looked Max straight in the eyes. “No, Max, I didn’t tell her.”

“She knows.”

“You told her? When …how long has she known?” Terry exploded.

“I did not tell her, nor did Reagan. She sorted it out on her own after having watched your film – and mine – on the same evening. Apparently we are a soporific for her but on that particular evening we, the three of us, brought her to full wakefulness. She rang our doorbell at three in the morning, before ever having met either of you, Terry. It is because of her pragmatism that you know of Reagan’s and my involvement. I would have kept it secret, but she felt – and convinced me – that the two of you had the right to know about us. It is she who suggested that any women coming into our lives required investigation to assure our common safety. She insisted that the two of you had a right to know of her knowledge. I persuaded her that while she was correct, it was my prerogative to pick the time to tell you of her knowledge. That time has come. If I have lied to you thus far, my lies were those of omission rather than commission. I have kept nothing else from either of you, and I swear on the graves of my wife and my son that I will keep nothing from you in the future.”

Terry couldn't turn loose of Max telling Dee about us even with that discourse from the Old Roman. “That Sunday in your loft, I asked if you had told Diana, and you said no.” Maximus smiled and shook his head; he was slicker than I’d thought.

“I did not answer that question. Reagan did, and told you that Diana had no need-to-know.”

Well I’ll be damned. Seems like the General might be higher up on the shit list now than I was. I saw the opening and went for it.

“Seems to me like that if she spent the weekend fucking your brains out, she had an obligation to ‘fess up, doesn’t it, Terry? She had the opportunity to come clean and didn’t. What else is she hiding from you, Pal?” I knew there was probably nothing, but I had to say it. I was hoping for too much if I was expecting either one of them to let that pass.

“Evil Dino again. You don’t want to go there, Mate.” That from Terry.

Max spoke up again. “Terry, pardon me for pointing out the obvious, but it seems to me that you had an affirmative responsibility – as I did with Reagan - to tell her and did not.” Terry said nothing, and Max continued, this time speaking to me.

“Dino, we had this conversation regarding Reagan. I do not think it prudent that we revisit the issue. The issue before us now is the fact that we have all violated the trust of the others. Clearly, we all felt we had valid reasons at the time, and just as clearly, we were all mistaken. We must find a way to begin rebuilding our trust in each other, as if we cannot, we no longer have a partnership and, thus, no firm.” Terry stopped his pacing and sat, looking at both of us.

“Diana and Reagan are in the midst of this. We can’t hammer this out without them present. We have to talk this out with all of us in the same room, and I’d prefer that room not be in this office.” Max nodded.

“We can do it at our home. Are the two of you free tonight?” Terry shook his head.

“Not tonight. Tonight, I have some things to do. Make it tomorrow night.”

I tried hard – and unsuccessfully - not to picture the things Terry would be doing tonight. Max nodded, and so did I, though I wasn’t looking forward to being in the same room with both Dee and Terry. Even though Terry would never fight me over Dee again, he wouldn't hold her back if she tried to. I'm not sure Dee couldn't whip me.

Monday Afternoon

DIANA

Thank God I had to make a feed run today. That let me pop into Bibbentucker's to have Terry’s tux cleaned. Now that was a major decision. Do I take it to the dry cleaners in my little town? Hell, everyone has probably already seen the Jag in the driveway. I’d turn beet red taking it there fueling the speculation. Bibbentucker's it is …they’re in the next town over and don’t know me. I smiled as I handed it to the woman behind the counter.

“I need to pick this up this afternoon.” She smiled back.

“In by nine, out by three.” The market was my next stop. After emptying the egg carton yesterday, the cupboard was literally bare. I was wondering how much food to buy. Do I stock for just me, or take the chance that Terry really will come back and buy enough to feed him, too? I’ll buy enough for me for a week. If he comes back, that will feed both of us for three days. Why the hell do I always take the safe, middle ground? Because it doesn’t hurt so badly when you get disappointed if you had planned on it going in. I was putting up groceries when the dogs went crazy at noon-thirty.

I grabbed both of them by the collars and looked through the leaded glass at the hulk that was walking up the porch steps as I unlocked the door. What’s Terry doing here? Huh. He said he’d come back. I raised my right shoulder toward my ear and acknowledged that I was feeling smug about this. I shouted through the door.

“Terry …come on in. I’ve got the dogs.” Smug disappeared real fast when he stalked past me and the dogs on into the living room. There was a storm cloud on his face. I held onto the dogs because, after seeing the look on his face, they were the only thing keeping me on my feet.

I heard the thunk of something being tossed onto the coffee table and looked over the back of the sofa to see what it was. A Proof of Life DVD.

I walked the dogs down the passageway into the bedroom and put them out into the dog yard. Holly already had her ears folded down the center – her normal reaction to a tense environment. I couldn't predict what Okie would do; it certainly would include growling at the very least. I picked up what I’d actually come in here for and returned to the living room.

What the hell? If he didn’t stay, I could always buy new ones if I broke the jewel cases or the DVDs themselves. I slammed down my Proof of Life DVD on top of his and followed it with Gladiator. The thundering silence that followed the slams of the DVD cases on the table was deafening.

He spoke first. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I never once – not in the entire weekend – thought of you as Russell Crowe’s incarnation of Terry Thorne. You were here; you were real; you were a living, breathing man. I never thought of you as Russell Crowe’s Terry Thorne because you were my Terry Thorne. Maximus said he would tell you when the time was right. If you’ll remember over this weekend, I never once talked to Maximus. I never got released from my obligation to him.” Now I was getting mad.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Terry? You had every opportunity. The bloody DVDs were sitting on top of the TV, in plain sight.” I walked out the kitchen door and climbed the fence on my way to the barn. I was muttering to myself as I went over the fence. “Goddamned son of a bitch. Well, at least I’m not in the house to see him get his go bag and walk out. I knew it couldn’t last. I asked Maximus how they would react …man, did he get it wrong. Pain and humiliation, my ass.” I walked up to Rabbit and threw my arms around his neck. He responded by tossing his head up, lifting me off the ground.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t meet him, boy. You would have liked him. I swear to God, Rabbit, from here on in, you and Okie are the only two males I’m going to have in my life.” I leaned my head into the depression between his neck and shoulder and took deep breaths. They didn’t work, and I felt the tears sting my eyes. A minute later I was crying into his side. I think I felt as much as heard Terry's approach and swiped my hand across my face. Never let them see you sweat and never let them see you cry. I spoke into Rabbit's shoulder before Terry could say anything.

“What? You’re not gone yet? Don’t worry. Maximus will keep an eye on me to be sure I don’t go blabbling to the tabloids.”

The bastard had the temerity to chuckle before he spoke.

“Blabbling? Are you working on an American equivalent to ‘Strine?” I turned around and stabbed my finger into his chest for effect.

“And do NOT laugh at me when I’m mad! That pisses me off even more!” He put his hands up palms facing me but still chuckling.

“I give …damn! Stop it, Diana. That hurts!” He’d quit chuckling. But the dam inside me had burst, and it all came pouring out.

“I never asked you to stay, I never expected you to stay. Girls like me don’t get men like you. I’m not pretty enough to get a man like you. It’s the pretty girls like Reagan who get the men like you and Maximus! I’m second rate.” My finger was still stabbing him for punctuation.

I stopped for breath. “You took away my one chance for happiness. Dino and I would have been fine together, but nooooo. Mr. Big Shot had to pull a power play and destroy my chance for a relationship. Dino wouldn’t touch me now with a ten-foot pole; I don't blame him, and yes, you DID think I was going to be an easy lay because of what he said. I let my guard down with you. I NEVER go to bed with a man when I first meet him. That’s the reason God created BOBs. If you hadn’t left now, you’d have gone eventually. And let me tell you something, it hurts …it hurts a lot. But I'd rather you leave now; it will hurt so much more later. I've hurt Dino for absolutely no reason because, of course, you had to tell him what he had missed. Where’s your fucking cell phone?” I was patting him down to find it and pulled it from his pants’ pocket, punched it on, paging through his phone book. Even though I was talking softly because I was out with the horses, Rabbit had picked up on my mood, and he booked.

“What’s Miranda’s number? You can still …oh, wait, you didn’t tell her why you wanted to see her tonight. Well, isn’t that convenient? You can still get some tonight. Dammit, I HATE that I cry ugly. And hey, it’s only one o’clock. You can still get to the florist and get her a nice bouquet of roses. Well, hell, you probably did that the day you met her.” I started crying again.

“Hey, what’s all this then?” He pulled me into his arms, and I was back against that damned rock-solid chest. At least this time I knew whose chest it was …it belonged to the man who had just broken my heart. His voice was so soft when he spoke.

“This is the first time all weekend that you’ve opened up and told me what’s really going on inside of you.” The other horses had started milling around us, trying to figure out what the 'slow ones' were doing. “We need to finish this convo in the house, Diana. Why did you come out here anyway?”

“I came to talk to one of the only males I can trust …Rabbit. And what conversation is there to finish? If you’re leaving, there’s nothing to be said. Just fucking get the hell out of my life. Oh, wait, you need this, don’t you?” I pulled the topaz from around my neck and tried to pour it into his palm in case it really was his grandmother's. He took it from my hand, as I’d known he would …and then put it back around my neck. I hadn't anticipated that reaction.

“Now, can we please finish this in the house? I’m not as comfortable around horses as you are.” Well, if he still wanted to talk, that might be a positive sign, but he did need to know one thing.

“If you do plan on hanging around, you’d better get more comfortable with horses and do it pretty damned fast.” I followed him back to the house. Unfortunately for Terry, I had another head of steam up by the time we got back to the living room. I opened my mouth, but he beat me to it. He let me move where I wanted, but he walked to stand in front of the fireplace, one arm leaning on the mantle, obviously putting distance between us.

“I’m only going to say this one more time, Diana. ONLY take that necklace off if you are ready to call it quits. You do it again, and I will walk out and I will NOT be back. This is a deal breaker.” Well, shit. He’d managed to take the wind out of my sails with four sentences. Maybe he doesn’t buy them by the gross. I was so ready to go on a rant. OK, another rant, a different one. Now I have to be a responsible adult. An adult who just might be getting into a relationship.

“I need to sit. I can’t think when I’m standing up. Why didn’t you tell me?” I sat. He sat on the far end of the couch.

“I honestly never thought about it. I was focused on you, Diana. I was focused on us.”

“So the mere fact that you happen to be an anomaly in the space-time continuum has no impact on us?”

“I didn’t feel like an anomaly this past weekend. For the first time in years, I felt like a MAN.” Like an idiot, I was still trying to push him away before he could push me. At least for once in my life, I wasn’t being passive-aggressive. I was on the offensive.

“So you felt like a man. Big fucking deal. Does that mean that this deep relationship you want is a lie? Have I gotten under your skin yet? Have I made it that far? Getting anywhere close to your heart isn’t even on the table.”

“Are you quite finished? Can you shut the fuck up for five minutes and actually HEAR what I’m saying, without ignoring the bits that scare you pissless?”

“I’ll shut up. You’ve got your five minutes. Take your best shot. What have I done wrong this time?” Oops. I think I really pissed him off.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. Not this time and not earlier. I don’t know who the fuck the bastard in your life was who convinced you that you can’t do anything right, but whoever the fuck he was or is, I’d like to rip his bloody balls off and shove them down his throat!” That last was about 50 decibels above anything I’d heard from him so far. “What in bloody hell happened to the bright, funny woman I kept hearing about and knew until ten minutes ago? What the fuck have you done with my Diana? Where IS she?” I took a deep breath.

“She's wondering how long it will be before she ends up a name on an org chart in your life. She ran away when the fight started. I don't know how to fight.” He stood and paced between the coffee table and the fire place.

“Diana, I’m not bloody leaving. I’m doing everything I can to tell you I want to stay, but you keep pushing me out the bloody door. What are you so afraid of? Your fears about me can’t be any worse than are mine where you’re concerned.”

“Afraid? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to make any sort of relationship work. Not with my partners, and certainly not with you. You aren't on an org chart; I am in new territory here. I’ve fucked up every attempt at a relationship I’ve ever had with a woman, and I can’t afford to do that with you. Diana, I don’t want to go back to the lovely Mirandas of this world. I want a woman, a REAL woman, not the plastic imitations that surround me, and every man with a bit of dosh in his pocket. I need someone who will let me be me and love me in spite of it.” He stopped and seemed to backtrack; his next words took me totally off guard.

“Diana, back in the paddock, you said that women like you don’t get men like Max or me. You said the pretty women like Reagan get men like us. Where did that come from? That bit about pretty women and Reagan as the exemplar?” Oh, shit. I’d reverted back to my mom’s comment when I was starting to figure out the looks thing.

“Did I say that?”

“Yes, you did. Why? What does it mean?”

“Just a piece of baggage from my mom.”

“You can either tell me yourself, or I’ll drag it out of you. I’ve got to know what it meant.” Oh, crap. I’d never intended to let that slip, never wanted him to know that much about me. I’d painted myself into a fucking corner.

“Mom probably thought it was an offhand comment, but I was 14, still trying to figure out what I looked like.” This is a test, and we both know it. If I can’t tell him the reasoning behind at least some of my fears, I will lose him. I’m not brave enough to open up, but he isn’t giving me a choice …and I don’t like that. I want to retreat to “happy, happy.” I nodded hard. This was a major step for me, and I was definitely working without that fucking net everyone is always talking about. Even more importantly, I had just stepped out from behind my wall. I realized my hands were clasped in front of me, loosely with my thumbs crossed one over the other. Body language …I was telling him that the door was open, but he’d better walk through it damned carefully.

“Mom and I were arguing about my school work. I’d made a B on an exam, and that wasn’t good enough. She told me that I had to get good grades so I could get into a first rate college because no man would ever want me for my looks. Since then, I’ve identified myself with achievement, competence, and being second-rate in the looks department.”

“How does Reags figure into the mix?”

“Reags is the smart, socially adept, homecoming queen. I’m the one who got nominated for her court because I was her best friend but didn’t get elected.” Now he looked really confused.

“I didn’t realise you two were at school together.” Men ….

“Reags represents what I wanted to be – still want to be – and can’t. And I never will. And she’s my best friend but at times I hate her because she’s so pretty and just takes that fact for granted.” A sudden look of comprehension flashed through his eyes. “Terry, I can’t compete with the Mirandas and Reagans of this world on anything other than an intellectual basis. I have the smart bit down and do relatively well in work situations. I’ve trained myself to read the politics, but I can’t protect myself from them. That's my biggest failing in my professional life.” He blinked a couple of times, then slowly sat on the hearth, looking at me. His voice was low when he spoke.

“Diana, the day you ran into me at the electronics firm and dropped your papers all over the floor, the first thing I saw was an amazingly beautiful woman. When I saw you the second time at the Pentagon, that was my thought again. Since what you were saying didn’t pertain to me, I had the luxury of not having to focus on what you were saying. In truth, I don’t think I heard a word you said in that briefing …I was too lost in just looking at you.” I thought he was trying to compliment me, but he hit on my worst nightmare, failure in the world where I thought I could compete.

“Did everyone else tune me out?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care; what you were saying didn’t apply to me. This isn’t about your work, Diana. This is about a woman who has no notion as to what others see when they look at her. Is that why you don’t expect me to stay? Because you think you’re not pretty enough? You said you don’t go to bed with men early on … is that the only reason you went to bed with me Thursday night because you thought I’d not stay if you didn’t?”

“The reason I went to bed with you Thursday night was because I WANTED you. I’ve wanted you for years, Terry. I’d been all over you Thursday night …I couldn’t not follow through. But it was going to be my one and only chance, and I wasn’t going to let it get away. I figured you’d be gone when I woke up Friday morning. I didn’t bargain for this, Terry. All I expected was Thursday night.”

“Did it never once cross your mind that I thought all I’d have with YOU was last Thursday night? I’m no prize, you know.” Fortunately, he didn’t expect me to answer.

“Diana, we have the possibility before us for so much beyond Thursday night and this weekend. But you have to let me in …I can’t build a relationship alone.”

“You are in. This is letting you in. I’ve told you more about what I honestly think and feel in the last 15 minutes than I’ve told anyone in my life. Terry, I deal with fact and figures; I don’t even know where to begin with emotions. If you were inside me now and could feel how scared I am ….”

“What are you afraid of?”

“That I will learn to care for you, that I will love you, and then you’ll leave.” The satellite radio was on, and, of course, Bette Midler’s The Rose started playing. God, would it get any worse? Even my sappy music is exposing me today. He walked across the room and just pulled me in.

“Diana, you’ve come a long way today …we’ve come a long way. I’ll let you off the hook on this for now, but it’s not done as a topic of conversation. We’ll come back to it when we’re a bit farther along. Perhaps by then neither of us will be quite so willing to think the other is about to walk out the door.” I looked up at him.

“Terry, what if I’m not the bright, funny woman you’ve spent the weekend with? What if that’s a mask, and the real me is this spiteful, scared bitch?”

“I think I know the real woman when I see her in all her moods. And if you were a spiteful bitch? Max and Reagan would have warned me off, even if you are Reags’ best mate.”

“What if I can’t give you what you need? What if I don’t know how to do that?”

“What about giving it a try? Neither of us will ever know if we don’t both try.” I took a deep breath. Might as well. I sure as hell didn’t have anything else in the pipeline.

“How about we give it until the first of the year? Until then we'll back off pushing each other. And how about you stop trying to impress me, and just be Diana?”

“Suppose you don’t like her?”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“What are you going to think every time I lighten up? Are you going to think I’ve retreated to hide behind the laughter?”

“I’ll think I don’t want to have to get to this level of a fight just to see who you are. It is too hard on both of us. I don't want to live this way. Don't be afraid to tell me what scares you. Tell you what. We both do well in professional settings …let’s try running this like a partnership. Think we can try that?”

“I can try.” Soon enough, I will shatter his belief that I do well in professional settings.

TERRY

“You know I have to be at Miranda’s at seven.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to be here when I get back?” I was worried about that.

“I can hardly pack up the house and move the entire herd in a couple of hours, can I?” Diana's sarcasm can be funny, but she also uses it to hide her feelings.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes, Terry, I’ll be here when you return.’ By the way …you get your shot at Dino tomorrow night. We’re all meeting at Max and Reags’ to try and sort out everything.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be there when I talk to Dino.” The implication was that she wouldn’t be there when I talked to Miranda. If it wouldn’t have required me dragging her along kicking and screaming, I’d take her with me. Well …do the unexpected.

“Come with me.” The look on her face when her head snapped up was one for the record books. That was the last thing she’d expected to hear.

“I …uh, I couldn’t …it wouldn’t be …right. This is between you two.”

“This is between you and me. There is no between with regard to Miranda and me. It’s just us looking at the reality that there’s nothing there and never has been.”

“Terry, it isn’t supposed to be like this. We’re supposed to be happy and laughing.”

“Who wrote your book of life? Hans Christian Andersen? Beatrix Potter? It’s reality, Diana. Reality is rarely easy, particularly in the early days with people as complex as you and me, people who are used to living behind the protection of their masques. In a word, us. Just because I’ve been married doesn’t mean I know how to do this any better than you do. If I did, I’d still be married. What I’m wondering right now is how many of your relationships have actually failed …or how many of them you ran away from. The man may have left, but you ran away first, and he had no choice in the matter.” Her hand went to the topaz, and I looked at her.

“Don’t.” Her hand went back to her lap. “Diana, you’d bloody well better be worth all the effort I’m putting into this. I don’t recall the last time I’ve worked this hard at a negotiation.” She looked at me for a tic, and then a smile touched the corners of her mouth. Mine followed. She smiled. So did I. I laughed. So did she. I walked back to the couch and sat next to her.

“We're a pair. The spreadsheet twins.”

But It’s Over Now

by

Diana Walker and Reagan Kavanagh

TERRY

She walked me to the door and out to the car. Before this fight escalated, I suspect she’d intended giving me a soldier's farewell. You know, give me the passionate kiss goodbye with a smile on her face so I’d remember what was waiting for me at home.

At the moment, I felt tarnished. I should have done this a long time past, and breaking up with Miranda now was a lot less than honourable than it would have been earlier. Still, it had to be done.

“You know I have to go. I will be back. I don’t know what time, but I will be back.” And I did get the kiss. She tried, but I know she didn’t believe I’d be back. I reckon that’s the price you pay for being a cad.

“I know.” She was so quiet that it scared me, even though I’d made the call and left the message for Miranda whilst sitting here right beside her. “I have to go feed the horses. I’ll get the dogs in, and I’ll be fine …even if you don’t come back. It would be silly for you to drive all the way back out here.”

I tried for a light-hearted tone. “Are you trying to toss me out so soon? I don’t want that.”

“No, I’m not trying to toss you out; but you have to be tired, and tomorrow is going to be another tough day. I'm sorry I made today so hard on you. If you do decide not to come back, please call.” This was progress; Diana had asked something of me. There was the underlying fear that the 'decide not to come back' meant forever.

“Can do.” She walked me out the front door, snugged in under my armpit, her thumb hooked in my belt loop, which seems to be our now accepted style of walking together and had been from the first. I opened the car door and bent to give her a kiss that I hoped told her I would be back. She turned and walked to the big gate, her shoulders slumped just a bit, her chin down. I watched her in the rear view mirror as I negotiated out of her drive, dodging the crepe myrtle branches as I maneuvered past them. It occurred to me that I should trim them back on Wednesday night …the thought didn’t surprise me in the least.

I arrived at Miranda’s on the dot of seven and braced myself for the inevitable scene. I wasn’t looking forward to this, but after three years, I deserved whatever she chose to toss at me when I told her it was over.

MIRANDA

In all our time together, Terry had never dictated time and place to me. It had always been a negotiation with an eye to our respective schedules. Some kind of follow-up ultimatum was coming, the first having been that he would be here at seven and expected me to comply. Perhaps my unilateral refusal of opera tickets had been ill considered. I probably should have checked with Terry before declining the tickets. Max hadn’t made it sound as though it was a business function so I had felt pretty safe in not checking with Terry first. To be honest and while I like Max well enough, I didn’t think I had the patience to sit next to Reagan all evening. She’s certainly nice enough, but at the Labor Day party she’d made me feel as if she was psychoanalyzing me. Top that off with the fact that I just hadn’t thought I could stand an evening of her particular brand of sweetness-and-light, and I had declined. Besides, she would probably drag along someone’s rug-rat if she could find one. I opened the door to his knock.

“Terry!” I threw my arms around him and felt him stiffen. His arms came up and gently removed mine from his neck, kissing me quickly on the cheek. Oh.

“What’s going on, Terry?”

“I need a drink …and let’s sit.” His glance wandered around the room, coming to rest on the now long dead fifth iteration of the Peace Lily he’d given me so long ago. I got drinks for us, and he sank heavily into the wing chair rather than taking his usual place on the couch which would have allowed me to sit beside him. Body language. It pretty much tells you all you need to know, doesn’t it? Obviously, somewhere in the machinations of our two companies and careers, we have a problem; between the two of us we can work it out. He took a deep breath before speaking.

“Miranda, we have a conflict of interest.”

“Terry, we’ve been business associates long enough to be able to get around it. I’m sure we can find a solution together.”

“It isn’t a professional conflict.”

“I see …well, that wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to hear. Who is she?”

“That isn’t relevant. What is relevant is that I have met someone, and I can’t continue seeing you.”

“Well, Terry, we were never really all that personal, no matter how good we were in bed. We were convenient for each other. We had a good run.” I’d realized there was nothing to be gained by making a scene. I’ve seen Terry Thorne in decision mode; once he was there, changing his mind wasn’t really an option.

“Yeah, Love, we did. Best I’ve had in a long while, and you gave me what I needed – in every respect – when I most needed it, and I appreciate you for that.”

“We worked very well together, didn’t we? But I knew that eventually, someone would come along. I hope she knows what a prize she’s getting.”

“I don’t feel much like a prize at the moment.” That was a surprise.

“Why not, Terry?”

“I don’t feel that I’m coming to her in a particularly honourable way, primarily because I wasn’t honest with myself about where you and I were going until the moment she walked into my life. Well, that isn’t actually true …she walked into my life three years ago. It’s just taken me three years to catch up with her.” I groaned.

“Oh, Terry. Not a work-related relationship? Is it Sooze? If so, there’s no reason for us to break up! I can’t imagine that Sooze would expect you to go running to her after escorting me to a work function. We can continue pretty much as we have been.”

“Sooze! Christ, no! I wouldn’t dream of shagging the best office manager in Dallas, not to mention TEO can't afford to lose her; she’s probably the only one who could put up with the three of us! Miranda, if you don’t know me well enough to know I wouldn’t do something like that – to either of you – then you’ve never known me at all.”

TERRY

I looked at the dead Peace Lily. I knew she’d replaced it several times over the years as it had never gotten any larger but this was the first time I’d ever seen one of them dead. Subliminal messages, eh?

“Miranda, I said that badly but the truth is that we don’t know each other at all. We’ve never talked about what either of us wants or needs, aside from our professional needs. Love, I don’t even know what makes you cry, and after this much time, you’d think I’d have a clue.” I just admitted to Miranda that I’m not perfect but in only five days, Diana has me to the point that I’m willing to acknowledge that I’m human …and I’m not afraid of that any longer. I put the remains of my drink on the coffee table, stood, walked round the couch, and put my hand on the side of Miranda's face. When she looked up at me, I kissed her on the forehead.

“It’s been a good run, Miranda, and for that I thank you. Take care.” I walked out the door and closed it softly.


As I walked to the car, I realised I was whistling and then smiled. As I approached 635, I smiled again …there was a Wal-Mart off the next exit. I signalled and made the U-turn under the interstate. I needed to buy a her another proper tea kettle …and us another box of frangers.


I stopped at the corner of her street and called Max and Reagan’s home number. I’d just realised that I didn’t even know Diana’s phone number. He answered on the third ring.

“Max, Mate, I need to talk to Reags.” I heard him tell her who it was, and then her voice was on the line.

“Terry? What’s up?”

“Hey, Love. I need Diana’s phone number.”

“You didn’t get it when you left her?”

“Must have slipped my mind.”

“Terry …where are you?”

“On 475.”

“You’re just around the corner from her house. Why do you need her phone number?”

“I already told you I’d neglected to get it.”

“I see …do you need the address, too?”

“No, I can get there from here. Just give me the phone number.”

“God, Terry, I don’t even know it. I have her on speed dial. Wait a sec …let me get to my computer. Could you hum or something while you wait? Of course you could always play with your dick …or is it too sore just now?” I hummed Waltzing Matilda and heard her laugh. Less than a minute later I had Diana’s number programmed into my phone.

“Thanks, Reags. Later.” I disconnected and then hit Speed Dial One. I’d get Sooze to reprogram the phone tomorrow, starting with Number Two as the office and bumping the rest of the directory down one. Her voice was sleepy when she answered.

“Terry?”

“Yeah, it's me.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, but you were right. I’m totally knackered. I think I’ll head home.”

“Was it that tough a conversation?”

“Not as bad as I’d anticipated, but things like that are always difficult.”

“I understand. You go home and get some rest. I need to go, Terry. Someone’s at the door.”

“Don’t hang up yet, Love.” I heard her tuck the phone between her ear and shoulder as I knew she’d have to grab the dogs’ collars before answering the door. I heard the deadbolt click over; she opened door – and the phone fell to the floor. I smiled at her as I held the tea kettle box out to her and snapped my phone shut.

“How about a cuppa before bed? I really am knackered.”

NOTES

Go bag	A carryon bag that is kept packed with at least a week's worth of clothing and toiletries.
McKinney Avenue	Dallas’ area for upscale restaurants. Forget the tie …a man won’t be admitted unless he’s wearing a suit.
Deep Ellum	Home of Dallas’ rhythm-and-blues clubs and ‘soul food’ restaurants. Fifty years ago, these clubs/restaurants were in the Black part of the city, and surrounded by elm trees. When giving directions to get to them, they were said to be deep in the elms …in the vernacular, they were/are in ‘Deep Ellum.’
Norm Brinker	Scion of a wealthy Texas oil family
The Frosts	Owners of one of the large private banks in Texas, as well as the very upscale Frost Department Store chain.
Oil Bidness	Colloquial for oil business. Texas oil and cattlemen refer to their occupations as , respectively, the “cattle bidness” and the “oil bidness.”
Adele Hunt	Dallas socialite/interior design artist, specializing in “English Country Gentlemen” settings.