The Hunting Trip Part One

I thought it would look more like Mayerling.

The Hunting Trip Part One

by

Reagan Kavanagh and Diana Walker

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters protrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended. Copyright Reagan Kavanagh & Diana Walker 2007

Authors’ Note: We’ve used phonetic spelling to indicate the traditional East Texas drawl and twang. For those of you still in the dark (and unless you grew up in Texas or the Deep South, you’ve possibly never heard so outlandish a dialect), there’s a minimal TRANSLATOR following the usual notes. Reagan and Diana

TERRY
“When’s deer season?”

“It opens November 1^st. Why do you want to know?”

“Bill invited all of us to go to the deer lease with him.”

“Oh shit …oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! It’s already September. Has he gone down for his work weekend yet?”

“I don’t know. Is that important?”

“Christ, yes! You don’t go to someone’s lease and shoot their game unless you’ve put in sweat equity.”

“What needs to be done?” Diana’s agitation with my questions was growing exponentially.

She began ticking off her points on her fingers. “First off, you need to clear the blinds of snakes, clear out the dead brush, fill the feeders, and make sure some jackass neighbor hasn’t put up a fence that will keep the deer from getting into your lease. This is the fool with three acres who thinks he can turn his property into a wildlife preserve for 50 deer. That’s just getting the land ready. The cabin needs ….”

“You can’t do that?”

“Do what? Put up fences? No! Putting up fences disrupts the deer’s natural migration patterns. Terry, our front paddock is five acres. Even before building on it, we couldn’t have supported five deer. They need a lot of room to range, they need multiple water sources, and you can’t have more than one buck in an area that small.

“The first thing you need to do, Boomer, is find out when Bill’s going to the lease to get it ready for hunting, as well as find out who all is going. Is it going to be just you, Max, Dino – and do they know they’ve been invited – and Bill, or has he invited someone else to go along?”

“Dino, ….”

“Thank God. At least someone other than Bill knows the etiquette on this. Nancy and I need to start on organizing the supplies.”

“ …Max, Junior, and me.”

“Two out of five …that’s a good average in baseball. You need to get on the phone and ask Bill when the work weekend is. You’re not going hunting with him unless you help him get the lease ready. You also have to make sure the outhouse is clean and that the pump’s working.” Diana had the phone in her hand as she finished, no doubt calling Nancy to arrange for the room and board for the work detail.

An outdoor privy and a pump? I’d envisioned something along the lines of Mayerling.

DINO
“Really? Terrific! I haven’t been deer hunting in years.”

“Uh, Baby, you’re not invited.” Her face fell as fast as it had lit up a minute before.

“I’m not? Why?”

“Well, it’s a guys’ weekend, and besides, don’t you and Reags have shit to do for the wedding?”

“Shit to do for the wedding?” Well, yeah, and I’d just stepped into a pile of it.

“You know what I mean. You two have been on the phone at least once a day since we got engaged, and I just figured you still had a lot to get done. And Bill isn’t taking Nancy, so I can’t very well bring you along.” I did not like the frown thrown my way.

“Baby, it’s going to be a bunch of hairy-legged, smelly men farting and shooting helpless animals all weekend. I don’t really think you’d enjoy it all that much.” That got me a bit of grace, but she still wasn’t entirely happy.

“Baby, when’s the work weekend?” Ah, shit. She really does know hunting.

“It’s next weekend.”

“Are Reags and Dee going?”

“No, and neither are Celeste and Nancy. If there’s a female invited on this trip, it’s Holly.” She seemed to think that over and finally smiled.

“Well, I suppose I could have a girls’ weekend here and invite Nancy and Celeste and Reags and Dee.” I smiled. She gave me a look.

“The chain saw’s in the shed. Be sure you clean and check it before you take it with you. It’s been more than a year since I’ve used it. I don’t have a rake strong enough for clearing brush, but I’m sure Bill does. Check with him; you’re not showing up for work detail with nothing but a chainsaw in your hand.”

MAXIMUS
“Why didn’t you mention the make ready weekend at Bill’s lease? Dee just called to ask if I’d put together the medical kit for you guys.”

“I did not mention it because I am not going.”

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

“I do not wish to be away from you so near to the time of your ordeal.”

“Max, it isn’t an ordeal. I’m having a baby. Women all over the world do it every day.”

“Still, ….” She interrupted me.

“This is silly. Of course you’re going. You’ll have a wonderful time.”

“I see nothing to gain from killing harmless animals when food aplenty is available at the supermarket. And again, I do not wish to leave you alone so near your time.” She rolled her eyes at me.

“I won’t be alone. Dee’s having a girls’ weekend at her place; Ellie wanted to have it in Palestine, but since Junior’s going with you guys, she has to stay home to feed the horses. I’m going up there and have a good time with my friends. If you want to stay here by yourself all weekend, knock yourself out. I’m leaving for her place at noon on Friday.”

I agreed to go hunting.

“I really wish I could go with you.”

“Do you wish to be included in future expeditions?”

“Well, yes, unless Bill’s adamantly opposed to women on his lease. Both Ellie and I grew up hunting, and though, as far as I know, Dee’s never been hunting, she’s been in Texas long enough to learn what’s expected – she obviously knows about the work weekend bit - I’m sure she’d be up for it.” Ah. I learn something new about my wife with each passing day.

“Where is Bill’s lease?”

“It is west of Interstate 45, near Centerville.”

“Oh, I know that area. Lots of heavy brush …should be a very good spot. Of course, you’ll have to watch for the coyotes.” Yes, those small canines with the annoying yelp that seem to fancy themselves as formidable as wolves. I considered them pitiful creatures in comparison to the Germanian, Italian, and Spanish wolves of my experience. I admit I was relieved that Cassandra had expressed no desire to accompany me on this adventure; I had no wish for my wife to be in so harsh an environment so close to the date of her confinement.

She put together a very complete medical kit for me take, including air splints in case one of us should break a bone. When I left for the office on Friday, I had our medical kit plus splints for arms, legs, and ankles in addition to my clothing and side arm. Bill would take his rifle in the event an animal larger than a coyote attempted to raid our camp. Though bears had once ranged freely in Texas, they were now said to be limited to the Trans-Pecos region. It was unlikely any of their number had strayed so far east, but if they had, we were prepared. Mountain lions are indigenous to Texas, but they, like bears, were most uncommon in North Central Texas.

HOLLY
“Come on, Holly! Up you go. There’s a good girl.”

Terry fastened the doggy seat harness to my collar, and I sat in the front of Mom’s Tahoe, looking at her until we turned the corner. Then I had Terry all to myself. I love Terry. I have no idea where we’re going, and I don’t care. I don’t have Okie along to be ugly to me about Terry. He was talking to me, and I thumped my tail as I listened to him instead of just thinking about how happy I was.

“Well, Holly, my love, it’s you and me until we get to the office. You get to come to work with me today, and tonight we’re heading to Bill’s deer lease for the weekend. Maxie and Dino will be there, and Bill and Junior, and you get to sleep with me. No Okie tonight to push you around. How’s that sound?”

Wonderful! We’re going to a deer lease; this is going to be fun. Hmmm …what’s an office …and what’s a deer lease? Just then the other little trucks around us got red spots on their tails, and Terry had to stop fast. He didn’t put out his arm to keep me from going forward like Mom does, and I almost choked on my collar. I wheezed and gagged, and my feelings were hurt for a minute. Of course, he’s so wonderful that he pulled off to the side of the road to check me over and apologized.

“Guess I need to keep a sharper eye out, eh, Holly? Got to learn to throw my arm over to stop you from choking yourself. I’m sorry, Girl. I promise that won’t happen again.” I smiled at him and tried to lick his face. I know he hates my kisses, but I couldn’t stop myself. He pulled back on to the road and off we went. I’ll forgive him for that one. I’d forgive Terry for anything.

When we got to the office, Terry put on my leash, unsnapped my harness, and held the car door open while I hopped to the ground. It’s dark in here. There’s lots of little trucks all lined up. I stayed right by Terry’s leg just like Mom taught me. I wanted to impress him with my manners. I was also afraid of all the little trucks racing past us but didn’t want him to know it. We don’t have that many little trucks on our road. I know Terry won’t let anything happen to me. We went into Terry’s building and into a box that moved to his office. The little box made my tummy feel funny. He opened the door and waited until I was inside before following me and taking off my leash. It doesn’t smell like the vet’s in here, but I kept my eyes on Terry since I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do in an office. Before I could turn around, someone was on the floor hugging me.

“Hey, Holly, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but I’m your Aunt Sooze.” Aunt Sooze …I remember her. She’s nice. I heard familiar footfalls and looked around … Max! I love Max. And there’s Dino! Oh, this is fun! An office is where you go to see everyone you already know!

I looked at Terry, and he smiled. “Go on, Girl. Explore to your heart’s content.” I followed Max to his room and made sure there weren’t any longtails in there that I needed to get rid of for him, then checked Dino’s office. Nothing. I trailed Terry back to his room and checked it for everything; I don’t want anything to happen to him. They must have a Little One in here somewhere since I didn’t find any big longtails. I know they don’t have another Small One like me because I’d have smelled it already. I kept checking on all of them to make sure they didn’t need my help and finally had to go potty. When I get excited, I always have to go.

I went to the door we came in and sat in front of it and waited. No one noticed. I went to Terry’s office, and he was on the phone. I started looking for my leash on the couch – Mom had been there because I could smell her on it. I followed my nose for familiar scents and found my leash on the corner of Terry’s desk. He was looking out the window and didn’t even see me. He doesn’t pay attention to me when he’s on the phone at home either. I really had to go, so I stood on my back legs and got my leash and took it to Uncle Max. Before I could even sit in his door, he saw me and got up.

“Do you need to urinate, Holly?” What’s that mean? I wagged my tail and waited as he snapped on my leash and took me out the big door, back to the little box, and all the way down to the street. We got outside, and I stopped to look around and sniff. No other Small Ones like me had been here. There’s no grass here …where am I supposed to go?

Max was watching me, and he was looking around, too. He finally picked me up and carried me over to this big thing that had leaves sticking out of the top and put me in it.

“I apologise, Holly, but there is no grass here. Do you think you might manage to urinate amongst the flowers?” I didn’t care what he was talking about, and I really hated to pee on the flowers, but I did. He told me I was a good girl and frowned at the man who fussed at us for my peeing on them.

“If it is your wish, I can arrange for her to urinate on your trouser leg a bit later today.”

“Uh, no, Sir, Mr. Espan. The planter will be fine.” That showed him! I love Max. Everyone was busy when we got back upstairs, and it was morning nap time. I need to keep to my schedule. They have these really pretty rugs in the room where Aunt Sooze is and small, skin chairs. They didn’t look that comfortable so I just found a spot on the rug I liked, circled three times as well mannered dogs do, and curled up to sleep.

DINO
We changed into camos and left Sooze with the desk for the weekend. Terry had Holly on her lead, and when we got to the Tahoe in the parking garage, Max and I loaded our shit into the rear end on top of a season’s supply of food then started to climb in when Terry unlocked the doors; Dee’s truck is so old it doesn’t have keyless entry, and Tio had to open the doors the old fashioned way. Before I could get in front, Holly jumped past me and into the passenger seat next to Terry. Apparently, she thought she was riding shotgun.

“Hey, Girl, I’m glad to have you along, but dogs ride in the back seat or rear deck.” Terry shook his head.

“Mate, she gets carsick in the back. You can literally see her turning green under her black coat. Unless you want her hurling all over you and Max, you’d best get in the backseat with him.” Fair enough. I love dogs but don’t really want to smell like dog puke for the weekend. I let Holly have the front seat. I looked at Tio.

“You ever been to Bill’s cabin? Is it an actual cabin, a lean-to, or what? I brought my pup-tent just in case.”

“I have no idea, Mate.”

“Think we should stop and pick up a couple of tarps?”

I should have known Max would answer that one; at least he was laughing when he said it. “Are you so spoilt to creature comfort that you cannot abide a few nights in the open?”

“Yeah, Mate, I am. When we rough it these days, we’re being well paid for the inconvenience. I expect at least a roof over my head.”

“Any idea what Dee packed for supper?”

“Not a clue.”

“I feel sure it will be substantial. Diana equals my wife in her need to assure we are well nourished.” Guess we’d find out when we got there and unpacked the coolers and supply boxes.

I read the directions to the lease when we got off the highway.

“Take the first road to the left off the service road. Go down a hill, and there’ll be another road coming in from the south.”

We rode along for a few minutes …no road from the south, and Tio looked back at me.

“I don’t see a road from the south.”

“Lemme look again. Keep going …it’s still a ways down. When you get to that road, keep going straight.” We kept going. “There’s a stream at the bottom of the second hill …turn left just before the stream.” Tio drove as I read the directions for which way to go after we turned and stopped suddenly. I looked up from Nancy’s driving instructions and Bill’s map.

“Good job we turn on this side of the stream.” Uh huh. The recent rain had turned the ‘stream’ into a raging torrent. We’d have to rig a river crossing and pack in if the lease was on the other side. We headed left, and ten minutes later we pulled up to the cabin; it really was a cabin.

Bill and Junior had a fire blazing in the outdoor fire pit and stood to meet us. Holly bounded out as soon as Max opened the door and sprinted across the gravel to Bill and Junior. Bill had brought Pete along, and the two dogs took off chasing each other and barking to their hearts content. We sat and popped the beers Junior offered; we’d unload the Tahoe, at least the beer cooler, later. Five minutes later, Holly limped back to the fire and sat in front of Terry holding up one paw and whimpering as Pete flopped beside Bill.

“What’s wrong, Girl?”

Grass burrs between her pads. That would hurt. Holly’s a suburban dog and has probably never seen a grass burr in her life. Dee’s pastures are too manicured to have burrs, and I doubt Holly is allowed to run through the hay field. Even though he only lived down the road from the Thorne-Walker softies, Pete is really a farm dog, and his foot pads were so tough he’d just chew the burrs out himself. Terry pulled her into his lap and dutifully picked out every one of them. Holly stayed close to the campfire the rest of the night.

We finally unloaded the Tahoe and had dinner. Nancy had sent a stew for tonight, so Dee’s food went into the refrigerator in the cabin. Bill warned us only to turn on the lights when we needed them to keep from using up the diesel in the generator. I don’t think he’d planned on it taking all six of us working twenty minutes to get the supplies out of the truck. Dee had sent all the basics required to feed a platoon for the entire deer season.

Once we’d lugged all the boxes in, Bill declared provisioning over for the night; we’d store the non-perishables tomorrow when we come in during the hottest part of the day. We retreated to the camp fire and did the guy thing, sitting around the fire and shooting the shit, walking just out of the well lit area to piss, and went to bed early. We had a long day ahead of us tomorrow and wanted to get an early start.

MAXIMUS
Bill’s cabin was equipped with 12 bunk beds in two rooms. Pete had taken a watchful position beside the door as is required of a good guard dog; Holly had hopped onto a bed.

“Holly’s declared where we’re sleeping. The rest of the beds are open for you lot.”

We slept all in one room, and I had almost dropped off when I was awakened by a horrendous snore. I sat up so suddenly that I cracked my head on the bunk above me. I sat on the side of my bed and attempted to determine which of my comrades was making so loud a sound. It was not Terry, nor was it Dino. Bill seemed not to make a sound, and I could scarcely hear Junior’s breath. I returned to my bunk, and the sound started again. I looked to see Holly lying not two feet from my bunk; she had left her post protecting Terry’s feet sometime following our retiring. The sound emanated from her. I laughed as I lay down again and composed myself to sleep.

I was first to awake in the morning, dressed quietly, collected my bow and quiver from the Tahoe, and set off into the dawn. There were two footpaths leading south from behind the cabin into the trees. Having arrived via the road coming from the north, I knew what I required was not that direction. I had hiked less than a mile when I found what I sought.

Though Sooze is more than capable of managing the office for the weekend, emergencies do arise that might necessitate immediate recall of any or all of us to duty. There is also the possibility of Cassandra going into premature labour. My mission this morning was to locate a clearing in which a helicopter could land, collect us, and transport us immediately back to Dallas. I had found such a spot.

I pulled my TREO from my pocket and checked the GPS for the coordinates, forwarding them immediately to Sooze and Cassandra. Whilst I knew it would be Sooze summoning the bird, I felt better knowing my wife also had the information. We had long since contracted with a private, local firm to supply us adequate transport in the event we should require it. The firm in question maintained half-a-dozen of the craft, including an HH-3E; at least one helicopter was always available should we call. I waited until receiving confirmation that my message had reached our server where it would be collected by Sooze and Cassandra in a few hours. I turned off the GPS and returned my phone to my pocket then made my way back to the cabin.

I left my bow and quiver inside the door whilst collecting my kit, then sat in the growing light as I searched for something brought with me. I had packed a few small pieces of leather, my awl, a needle, and rawhide thread. My intention on packing those items had been to begin fashioning a pair of tiny boots for my child. After observing the events of last evening, the scraps would be put to another use.

Holly padded outdoors a few moments later and relived herself near the cabin, taking care to stay on the gravel rather than venturing into the grassy area. I called to her, and she came to sit at my side. I scratched her ears as she yawned and looked at me as if to wish me good day.

“Holly, let me have your foot.” Unlike Diana’s horses which are trained to the word ‘foot,’ she did not understand my meaning. I picked up one of her front feet, and she attempted to pull it from my grip. She was unsuccessful, and I held the paw to the flat piece of leather on my thigh. Once realising that I meant her no harm, Holly’s curiosity got the best of her; she tilted her head to one side and watched me as I pulled the leather round her foot. On determining the location for the holes, I went to work with my awl, punching holes through which I could thread the rawhide string and pull it tight enough to tie it round her ankle.

Half-an-hour later, I had fashioned a set of boots and tied them on her. She looked at her feet in a curious manner before returning her gaze to my face. I stood and walked into the scrub brush beyond the gravel and called to her. She came to me but with initial trepidation. She shook each foot as she lifted it. I started to jog and called to her to follow me. Moments later she was racing round me in delighted abandon. She followed me back to the cabin, and I removed her boots, tucking them into my pocket for her use later in the day. She would suffer no more this day from burrs lodged between her toes.

Junior was awake and in the kitchen by the time Holly and I returned to the cabin. He had the skillet on the stove and was placing bacon in it as the others drifted into the kitchen. Junior was – as always - neatly attired; this day he wore jeans and a crisply pressed shirt with sleeves rolled above his elbows. We greeted each other, and he nodded toward the now full coffee pot and then upwards to the open cabinet above it where a myriad of unmatched mugs stood waiting. Holly found the metal water bowl for the dogs someone had placed across the room and began drinking noisily. I had poured a cup when I heard a noise behind me and turned to see Bill emerging from the bedroom. He was attired in his underwear, having slept in them as had all of us. He stopped in the doorway, yawned, stretched, and as we men are prone to do, reached down to scratch his testicles.

“Morning, Max, Junner. Well, hey there, Holly. How are you this morning, Girl?” Pete had been out exploring and on hearing his master’s voice, darted back into the cabin, sitting beside Holly as she thumped her tail in greeting. Pete lay on his belly and immediately began chewing the pads of one foot in an effort to remove the grass burrs. They seemed not to impair his movement, but that was likely due to his having had years to become accustomed to them.

Terry emerged from the water closet – there was an indoor lavatory – wiping his face after shaving. I heard Dino’s laughter and turned to see him pouring coffee.

“Jesus, Tio, why in hell did you shave on a work-trip weekend?”

“Holly prefers me clean shaven, and as she’s the only female around, I’m not going to upset my girl.” Holly’s tail thumped at the mention of her name, and she immediately trotted to the coffee pot as Terry and I made our way to it. Dino was still leaning against the counter, and Junior now came for a cup. The mass of flesh surrounding the appliance was remarkably akin to a traffic jam on the interstates in Dallas.

DINO
By the time we’d come inside last night, I’d had a nice buzz and was tired enough that I didn’t bother looking at the inside of the cabin. It had enough bunks for all of us, and that was all that mattered at the time. This morning I was curious about where I’d be the rest of the weekend. I pulled at my coffee and looked around the basic shotgun house.

All in all, the cabin was a step above every other hunting cabin I’d ever seen. It had running water in three places, a john and a bathtub with a shower head Max later discovered didn’t work, and electricity. I wandered over to look into the second bunk room. It had built-in bunks like the ones we slept in last night and a freezer, a second ice box, and storage room for cases of canned soft drinks. Nice. From the change in the linoleum pattern, the bathrooms had been additions at some time later than the initial construction.

The room we’d slept in was about 30 feet long and maybe 15 wide. Bunks above and below, three to a side made from a good grade of lumber with Baptist pallets for mattresses. The wide walkway in between the bunks made sure we had plenty of room for our gear, little though it was on this trip, without tripping over anything but Holly or Pete. I was standing against the door jamb between that room and the kitchen/dining/meeting room. It was another big room, probably 25 feet wide by 20 deep with what looked like the linoleum Grandma had in her house, even down to the wear marks from years of hunters using the same track in and out of the bunk rooms.

The bathroom – well, a toilet and a sink in one room on the cabin’s southwest corner with the tub in a second room beyond it – was only one person wide. Terry, Max, Bill, and Junior would have to angle their way in with their broad shoulders. I’d be the only guy who could piss straight into the bowl facing it. I’ve finally found something positive about my lean frame.

I looked back around the kitchen. A big chrome and laminate table that would easily seat 15 people in mismatched chairs, though there were a couple that may have come with the table, sat in the center of the room; the wide walkways around it were made for big men with a lot of gear strapped to their shoulders. The table had all the condiments a man could ask for – Pickapeppa sauce, compliments of Junior I’m sure, a big bottle of Tabasco which could have come from either Dee or Reags, ketchup, mustard, salt, pepper, packets of sugar and creamer – all within boarding house reach of all the chairs. The counter tops wrapped all the way around the big open area with framed shelves above them, and an old-fashioned ‘ice box’ like my mom had when I was a kid had its own niche across the room from the stove. Mom’s ‘fridge didn’t actually need a block of ice in it, but it was only a generation or two newer than the one that did, and we still called them ice boxes when I was growing up. Hell, a lot of people back home still call a refrigerator an ice box. Old habits die hard.

The stove uses gas and isn’t more than five years old. I’d bet it doubles as a heater when the nights are too cold. Don’t think the double ovens will get much use this weekend unless one of us has hidden baking talents for biscuits; Dee had included a big, sealed container labelled Bisquick. The sink was big enough to clean a mess of catfish with room to spare. The kitchen finished off with modern amenities, the coffee maker that was working on its second pot of the morning, a toaster, and microwave clustered together on the counter sharing the only electrical outlet in sight. There was one cabinet with a door on it, and curiosity demanded I see what was behind it. I grinned when I opened it …a small TV, DVD player, CD player, and battery operated radio. Trust Nancy not to miss her favorite shows or music when she was here with Bill. I’d seen the tall antenna on the roof when we arrived last night; now I knew where the TV was.

Bill had his undershirt and pants on now, and Junior started putting food on the table. I filled my coffee mug again and sat, taking the platter of eggs and bacon from Max and shovelling a goodly helping of both on my plate. I could feel the arteries hardening as I looked at it, but there wasn’t a woman in sight to crab at any of us about our diet. Grabbed some toast, and dug in. Best scrambled eggs I’d had in years other than Ellie’s.

“Damn, Junior! You’re one damned fine cook. If I hadn’t already put a ring on Ellie’s hand, I’d get down on one knee.”

“Sorry, Mr. O’Reilly. Not even Jamaican law would permit me two wives.”

“Junior, I just proposed. Don’t you think you could call me Dino?” Max nodded in that way he has before seconding my motion.

“Junior, we are all but men and fellow hunters. I think I speak for Dino as well as myself in saying I would like you to call me Max. I prefer hunting with a friend than a man who holds me at arm’s length.” Junior smiled and grinned before he said anything; he looked a little sheepish.

“You guys do know I’ve never hunted before, right?”

Terry laughed. “Fuck, Mate, I’ve only hunted to survive, and then it was setting snares. I’ve never used a weapon to kill an animal in my life. Now Max here …well. You’ll have to ask him about that.”

“I have hunted to survive but have also hunted for sport. I have been forced on occasion to kill a dangerous animal, of both the four- and two-legged varieties.” Bill decided it was time to talk as the rest of us shovelled food in our mouths.

“Okay, Boys, listen up. Junner and me did us a survey when we got here yestiddy. I got assignments for you three. I’ll drop ya’ll off in the truck and pick ya up later. Now listen up, ya hear?”

I almost spit scrambled eggs all over the table. But for the harder ‘r’ in his speech pattern, I’d have sworn I was back in North Carolina. ‘Junior’ became ‘Junner,’ and the verbiage was pure backwoods, or in this case, East Texas Piney Woods. Now I know why I like Palestine so much. The dialect there sounds a lot like home.

“Who’s that chainsaw belong to?”

I pointed to my chest with my fork. “Me …it’s Ellie’s.”

“You know how ta use it ‘thout cuttin’ off your laig?” I nodded.

“Okay, but chainsawin’s a two-man job. Max, you and Red over here git to cut what needs cuttin’. Terry, Holly goes with you. She ain’t used to the noise of a saw, and it’d likely scare her to death. I ain’t takin’ the chance of that dawg gettin’ hurt, ‘cuz I ain’t man enough to ’fess up to Dee.” I could appreciate the hell out of that. I don’t think any of us is man enough to explain to Dee that we were stupid enough we let one of her animals get hurt.

“Don’t fret none about cuttin’ up the trees, jis’ knock ‘em down. We’ll go back later and toss ‘em in the truck bed and haul ‘em to the stack by the fire pit. We kin cut ‘em later if we need ‘em smaller.

“Terry, you take the machete and clear brush by hand. Take Holly with you. I think she’s smart enough to stay out of your way, and if she ain’t, you can explain it to Dee.”

“Thanks, Mate!”

“Now, if one of you has to take a shit, come back up here to the house. I know Dee sent ‘nuff paper to last ‘til the Second Coming, but I don’t want no toilet paper with your scent on it out there on my propity. I ain’t willing to tell ya to use leaves, ‘cuz sure as shit, one of ya’ll’ll use poison ivy or poison oak and won’t be able to shit, sit, or screw for a month.”

We all grinned, and Max laughed. “I thank you for the warning, Bill. Though Reagan is past the screwing point, I have no wish to experience such discomfort myself.” Max gets a lot more graphic when the girls – especially his wife – aren’t around. It was times like this when you really could tell he’d been a soldier.

“Okay. There’s a big, ol’ cliff that stream cut out here on the south side. It’s not as steep as the one out ta Sweetwater, but the snakes gather down there jist the same. It ain’t cold enough yet for ‘em to start hibernatin’, and they’re out sunnin’ these days. T’other thang is that ifn you fall down there, you’re gonna break a laig sure as shit, and I ain’t inersted in haulin’ your sorry ass out. Ya cain’t miss it, so just stay the hell away from it.” We all nodded our agreement. None of us were interested in breaking a ‘laig,’ and/or finding out what it was like to be bitten by a rattlesnake. I shoved back and knocked on the wooden cabinet for luck.

“Me and Junner’s gonna fill the feeders, so we’ll be in the truck. Ya git in trouble, far two shots, wait 10 secunts, and far off another round. We’ll find ya. And if one of them damn dogs gets hurt, don’t bother. Just put the poor thang out of its misery.”

“Should one of us break a limb, Reagan sent air splints in the first-aid kit.” That from Max.

“What’s ‘n ar splint?”

“It is made of fibreglass with a balloon lining. One simply puts on the splint and blows into the lining until the splint is rigid and the limb stationary.”

“Uh huh.” I don’t think Bill had a lot of faith in modern medical technology.

“All righty then. You got your marchin’ orders. Let’s git ‘er done.”

HOLLY
Ow! Ouch! Oooowwww! I forgot my boots! I stopped ten feet into the grass and whined. Terry turned to look at me and slapped his leg.

“Come on, Holly. We have work to do.”

I can’t. The grass burrs hurt my feet. I whined again, and he frowned at me.

“Holly! You’re wasting time. Come on!” I heard someone coming and looked over my shoulder …Max!

“Wait, Terry. She has burrs in her feet.”

“Mate, I can’t carry her round all day.”

“I do not ask you to do so. Give me a few moments to remove the burrs and put on her boots.”

“Boots?”

“Yes, I made a set of boots to protect her feet.” I love Max. He squatted down and picked the burrs out of my feet and put my boots on and then patted me. He’s so nice. I love Max. I jumped up and ran toward Terry.

“Mate, you’re one for the record book.” Max just smiled before going back to Dino.

Terry started to work, and I followed my nose where it led me. This is a lot bigger than our farm. There’s lots of new smells, and they have bunnies. Yep, there’s another one. I went back to where I’d left Terry, and he was still swinging the big knife; Bill called it a machete, and the weeds were falling. Bunnies were hopping and, …oh, look! A coyote. They’re quick. I don’t like coyotes because one of them killed Mom’s barn Little One a few years ago. Mom wasn’t home, and I heard him crying, but I couldn’t get to him to help because I couldn’t get out of the dog yard. I hated that because Freddie was a really nice Little One, and I liked him. I was getting kind of bored because every time I tried to help Terry, he made me move away.

“Holly, get back, Love. Can’t have you getting hurt. I’d never be able to explain that to your Mum.”

OK …I’ll stay back. Since Terry wouldn’t let me help, I’m going to go see what everyone else is doing. I barked a couple of times, and Pete answered. He’s taking care of Bill and Junior. I could hear Max and Dino talking every once in a while. Most of the time all I could hear from their direction was that noisy, smelly thing Dino brought with him. I think I’ll go check on them. Maybe they need help.

They were just standing there doing nothing when I saw them. Bill wouldn’t like that at all. They need me to remind them that we’re all here to work this weekend; it’s a good thing I’m here to keep them in line. I ran up to them, said hello and thanks for the boots, and stopped just as I got close. Dino turned, and he was peeing …and he peed on my head. I should have known better. Dino pulled his handkerchief from his pocket after he tucked himself away and knelt down to wipe my head. At least he didn’t pee on my new boots. Max wouldn’t have liked that at all.

“Well, at least it’s piss instead of skunk!” They laughed, and I barked to tell them to get back to work. They finally did, and I went back to check on Terry. He was still swinging that machete. I sat and watched, and then I heard it.

I got up and barked. Terry didn’t pay any attention. I barked again because he was getting really close to it. I could hear it and finally just ran in front of him facing it and kept barking, trying to get him to move back. It seemed like forever, and then he saw it.

“FUCK!” Thank goodness. It was one of the biters that make a rattling noise. That kind really scares Mom a lot. Terry grabbed my collar and just threw me behind him. The next thing I knew, his longer hand made a loud noise and spit fire. I ran over to check. Yep, it’s dead. Its head is over here, and its body was where the head had been a minute ago.

“Holly, stay back.” Terry’s cell phone rang.

“Yeah, Mate.”

“We heard a shot from your direction, Terry. Is there a problem?” I could hear Max’s voice as plain as day.

“Fine now …Holly stopped me before I stepped on a rattlesnake. I shot it. Holly, get back! She wants to play with the head. I’m going to take her back to the cabin.”

“Terry, do you think that wise? She has just saved you from a potentially grievous injury. Perhaps you wish to rethink her value in this instance, praise her, and allow her to remain with you.”

“Maybe you’re right. Have you lot run across any?”

“None of which we are aware. We will see you back at the cabin at noon. Keep an eye on Holly.” Terry laughed and closed his phone. Keep an eye on me? I think I need to keep an eye on him. Oh, now that’s a problem. I need to be here to protect Terry, but who’s watching out for Max and Dino? I can’t protect all three of them at the same time, and that worried me. Maybe between Pete and me we can take care of all of them.

“Okay, it’s happy hour!”

What’s happy hour? Uncle Dino seemed happy, and so did everyone else. Is there a special time when you’re supposed to be happy? Dino had taken off his shirt and so did Terry and Max. Now that’s really strange. Terry only takes off his shirt when he’s going to the water room or he and Mom are going to bed. Where’s Mom? And it’s too early to go to bed even though I’m really tired. I’ve worked hard today!

Mom really likes it when Terry takes off his shirt, so I guess she’d be happy now. He’s all shiny and smells like he does when he’s been working at home. When he smells like this at home, Mom tells him to go take a shower, but I like it. I went over to Max and then to Dino …they smell that way, too.

They opened the big cooler that was sitting by where the fire would be and got out cans before sitting down. Bill and Junior built the fire and then everyone sat back and drank while Pete and I lay down to watch and listen.

I like the way their coats shine in the firelight. It’s all pretty and glisteny. Why do their coats shine more than mine and Pete’s?

TERRY
We got the fire going and were ready to put on the steaks Diana had sent for tonight’s dinner. The packages for us were all the same large size, and there were two smaller ones marked ‘Holly’ and ‘Pete.’ I looked at Bill.

“How does Pete like his steak cooked?”

“Huh?”

“Diana put in steaks for the dogs. Somehow, I think they’d prefer them raw.” He looked at the packages I was about to open for us and shook his head.

“Each one of ‘em is a steak? Jesus, Terry. Who the hell did she think was gonna be here for supper? The fuckin’ Roman Army?” Max’s mouth was open before Dino and I registered it.

“Actually, we …actually, I don’t think beef was a routine part of their diet. My readings on Roman history indicate that wild boar and other game were their man sources of animal protein. To a very large degree, they ate wholesome grains and vegetables.” Good save, Mate. Max must be really relaxed and enjoying himself. I’ve never seen him even get close to a slip until tonight.

“That so? They didn’t eat beef?”

“Not as a routine, or so my studies have led me to believe.”

“Poor bastards. Didn’t know what they were missin’.”

“What one has not experienced, one cannot miss.” It was time to get them off this track.

“Bill? Just tell me how Pete likes his steak.” We were laughing as we threw the steaks onto the grill.

NOTES

Mayerling	Hunting lodge at which Archduke Rudolf, Crown Prince of Austria, Hungary and Bohemia, apparently committed suicide in 1889 after entering a suicide pact with his mistress, Baroness Mary Vetsera. It has been suggested that the deaths of the Prince and Baroness were not the result of a suicide pact, but rather a homicidal plot to destabilize the Hapsburg dynasty. Lacking forensic evidence, no one knows for sure. Click here for pictures.
Trans-Pecos	Refers to the region of Texas west of the Pecos River. This area extends roughly from Langtry, where the Pecos joins the Rio Grande in the south, to Angeles in the north, near the Texas-New Mexico border. The term is often considered synonymous with "West Texas." The Trans-Pecos region is divided into several large, but for the most part sparsely populated counties. It is perhaps best known for its scenic desert vistas, such as Big Bend National Park and the Guadalupe Mountains.
Little One	Holly’s term for cats.
Small One	Holly’s term for dogs. She got used to the horses calling her small.
Longtails	Holly’s term for rodents, i.e., rats or mice.
Small Ones like me	Holly’s term for other dogs.
Baptist Pallet	The forerunner to an air mattress. A very small, thin, dense mattress that can be unrolled on the floor. They have now migrated to hunting lodges.
HH-3E, AKA, Jolly Green Giant	A military search-and-rescue helicopter first utilised during the Viet Nam Conflict. HH-3Es were utilised during Desert Storm; whether or not they are deployed for Operation Iraqi Freedom I do not know. http://www.rotorhead.org/military/hh3e.asp
Boarding house reach	A term evolving from houses – often owned by widows or spinsters in the 1800 and early 1900s – that rented rooms to multiple boarders. Meals were served family style with the boarders all round the table. Rather than continually asking your dining companions to pass something to you, it was considered acceptable to stand and reach across the table for what you wanted as long as one foot remained on the floor. The posture was termed a ‘boarding house reach.’ As one stood and reached across the table, it was polite to say, “Pardon my boarding house reach.”
Shotgun House	A long, narrow house, with the rooms in a long row akin to the barrel of a shotgun.
Biter	Holly’s term for snakes.
Water Room	The bathroom where one takes a shower.

TRANSLATION from EAST TEXAS to STANDARD ENGLISH

Yestiddy	Yesterday
‘thout	Without
Laig	Leg
Chainsawin’s	Using a chainsaw is ….
Takin’	Taking, as in not taking a chance on something of which one is unsure.
Git	Get
Dawg	Dog
‘fess up	Confess or admit to something likely to have unpleasant consequences, as in “’fessing up to Dee” that they allowed her dog to be injured.
Propity	Property, as in a section of land one might own.
Jis’	Just, as in “Wait jis’ a minnit,” where minnit is a minute.
Kin	Can, as in “we kin do that later.” Kin also refers to persons related to you either by birth or marriage.
‘nuff	Enough, as in sufficient quantity.
Ya’ll’ll	You all will, as in “Ya’ll’ll git yourselfs kilt if you ain’t kerful.”
T’other thang	The other thing, as in “in addition to ….”
Inersted	Interested
Cain’t	Can’t
Far	Fire, as in to discharge a firearm.
Secunts	Seconds, as in ten seconds.
Thang	Thing
Ar	Air, as in air-splint

Continue on to Hunting Trip Part Two

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