November 2005

DIANA

For a change we were at the dining room table rather than the bar for dinner, but we were guarding our plates because Okie was in the house when Terry brought up my departure for DC the following week. “I thought it would be me leaving on the first assignment. Never thought you’d be the first to grab a go bag.”

“It’s just to DC for three days. I’ll only be gone four nights. This is the project planning session.”

“What do you know about it so far?”

“Sounds like it’s going to be a lot of ploughing through data, and I honestly don’t know what information we’re going to be examining. Because Traub has asked for me by name, it seems likely that relational data bases will be involved.”

“Four nights? Please don’t make me go back to my flat and spend the nights there. I’ve got so used to the quiet out here that my place would be like the first night in a hotel in the Kabukicho District for me. I won't get a bit of sleep.”

“Might do you good to spend some time in town. While I’m gone, you can take the overnights at the office. Max and Dino could use some down time. Well, Max could. You've leaned on him pretty hard since we've been together.”

“I can take Max's overnight phone duties out here. Have you never heard of call forwarding and the virtual office? It might be time for me to start getting into the swing of being a gentleman farmer.”

“Do you mean taking care of the horses?” I could not imagine that scene.

“I do indeed. You said you wanted me to get used to them since I’m staying.”

“If. I said if you were going to hang around, I believe.” At least he hadn't used the dreaded words 'living together' yet. “Terry, a lot can go wrong with a herd this size. They're on their own schedule; they don't care about yours. You'll have to leave the office no later than 5 o’clock every evening even if you’re in mid conversation with someone. I'd rather you leave at 4:30 in case of traffic. If something goes wrong with one horse, it can ripple through the rest of them easily and quickly. You've never even hot walked a horse before. Are you sure you’re up for it, really?”

“I want to do it, Diana. They’re so important to you. I want to be part of all your life. I want you in all of mine. I can't be much plainer than that.”

No, he couldn't. “OK, but I still have my doubts. I'll try and teach you everything you need to know to survive a few days starting in the morning; you will have very close supervision before I leave, and I’ll want Nancy here for every feed while I’m gone. If you can live with two different women supervisors, then ….”

“Then we’re on. There is one small matter to be addressed. I don’t have a key, and I’m not sleeping in the barn.” I had to think long and hard on that one. If I give him a key, I can’t very well ask him to return it when I get home. Do I even want him to have a key?

Terry pushed on, pleading his cause. “You let me look into your closet unsupervised the first weekend we spent together. I’m here alone Saturday and Sunday mornings when you go riding. I know how all the appliances work. I know where the circuit breakers are; I might even label them for you while you’re gone. The only snooping I’ve done was checking out your TV menus, and you caught me at that. The day that I was here before you arrived home from the feed store, I had to go out to the back paddock to take a piss because I couldn’t get into the house …didn’t enjoy the audience provided by the herd in the least. I came up on the short list, even compared to the geldings …impacted my confidence for a day or so.”

“I noticed.”

“Yeah, thanks very much.”

“Okay …this is a big hazza gazza deal for me. I’m not sure I want you in that far yet. The only reason Reags has a key is that if no one hears from me for 72 hours and she can’t raise me on the phone or e-mail, she can get in to find the body. If it weren’t for that, she wouldn’t have one. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll give you a key for the duration of the trip. When I get home, I want it back. Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it.” I hadn’t expected his easy agreement.

“That’s it? No comments? No complaints?”

“No.”

“No negotiation session?”

“No.”

I looked him straight in the eye as I made my last condition. “All right. I’ll get one made this week. Understand that if you do stay here, you’re on your own for cooking. I’m not spending the coming week preparing homemade frozen dinners for you. Make no mistake, Terry, this is a trial run.”

“I can cook, and well you know it. Besides, when you get home, the kitchen will be so clean you’ll think you’ve stumbled into Reags’ house.” He knows how to make me laugh and uses it to his advantage.

“I don’t care what the kitchen looks like, but the tack room and barn had better be spotless.” Moving right along. “You know, I don’t have a key to your place. When I’ve dropped off your dry cleaning, I’ve had the concierge let me in.” He smiled back, reached into his pocket, and came out with a key, sliding it across the table to me.

“I had it made the week after you were first there. Just been waiting until you asked for it.” I hadn’t expected that. I’m going to have to get up very early if I plan on outstrategizing Terry Thorne, assuming that’s even possible.

“So I don’t have to wear my ‘delivery person’ uniform any more?”

“Right. And you can start putting the cleaning in my bedroom closet rather than the coat closet in the foyer; you have been in the bedroom. Took me a bloody week to find the shirts you brought the first time you did the cleaning run. Better yet. Why don't you just bring it home rather than leaving it at my flat?”

A discussion of a key and dry cleaning had the potential of turning into a deep, relationship debate. The most mundane things of daily life would force me to acknowledge that Terry was in my life. Unlike me, he had accepted it so easily from the start. After our tumultuous beginning, we had agreed on no soul searching discussions until after the new year. We would use the rest of this one to settle in as a couple. Settle in; Terry had certainly done that.

I had made the switch from thinking of it as my closet to the closet; I couldn't make the change to our closet yet. Often I found myself staring at his shoes lined neatly on the shelves down the way from mine, some of which were lying on their side; pairs separated; a pair of heels next to tennies. My shirts and pants now shared the racks with his. One day I had grabbed a pair of Levis to put on, and they promptly fell off; I had gotten his. That was the first time I had called the office. It was too good a laugh to wait until he came to dinner.

I had cleaned out the high boy completely; after his second suitcase appeared in the closet, I felt I needed to offer him some drawer space. I don't think he has filled it, but that’s only out of respect for my feelings. All my drawer clothes were now in the dresser drawers. His moving in had forced me to clean out all those old clothes that I had never gotten around to sorting through. The local women’s shelter would probably have kissed the ground Terry walked on if they knew my sudden beneficence was a result of his needing closet and drawer space in my house.

Terry had asked me a question that I didn't hear. “I'm sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked where you had gone.”

“I was thinking about the closet.”

“Am I sleeping in there tonight? May I take Holly in with me? And may I know what I have done to deserve that?” He had a smile that had not quite caused his eyes to twinkle. I had caused this wonderful man a pinch of doubt. Why had he been so willing to commit himself to me when it scared me to death?

“Of course you could take Holly in with you; if you’re upset with me, I doubt she would want to have anything to do with me anyway. She seems to prefer your company to mine these days.” Hearing her name twice, Holly came over and planted herself next to Terry with her head in his lap. For once she was not begging for a scrap from the table; she wanted Terry's hand on her somewhere. Poor Terry; he needed an extra hand or two if he were to try to finish his dinner. Our hands were joined between our place settings – partially as a defense to keep Okie down, partially because I wanted to touch him; we were eating with the other hand. “I can't imagine you ever doing anything that would warrant you sleeping in there.”

“Ever? That's a long time, Diana.” He looked doubtful. “What were you thinking about with regard to our closet?”

“I was thinking that we might need to enlarge it. I’ve given the women’s shelter everything I haven't worn in a while; I've made rags from the things that are worn out. Yet with all your clothes in there along with mine, it is a tad crowded.”

With that he was off, grabbing a writing pad and drawing for me in his precise engineer’s handwriting how we could make minor modifications and have approximately 22 additional linear of space for clothes and 20 more linear feet of shelves for shoes. He was also sketching out how we could maximize the efficiency of arrangement for clothing and shoes for easier access. I gave the man an opening, and he took it. I doubted I would be asking for my key back.

TERRY

She had come to bed late last night with printed notes on everything she would show me regarding the care and feeding of the herd in her absence and left them on the bedside table for easy reference when I woke. She set the bloody alarm for 5:30 to make sure she had time to instruct me in the proper manner of feeding horses. How she expected me to be able to read the notes at that hour of the morning, I have no idea. It was dark, and the coffee wasn’t brewed. It’s a good job I didn’t feed her to the horses. The summer version of the Technicolour Wonder had now been replaced by the winter one. Given a choice – which I wasn’t – I prefer the summer version – more skin.

Winter’s Technicolour Wonder consisted of green sweatpants, a long-sleeved blue t-shirt, and a tan barn coat that had seen better days. At least there was something familiar; the same lime green coasters were on her feet. I made do with pulling on fatigues and my Blundies. As we trudged to the barn in the morning’s chill, I realised why her feet are always so bloody cold when she jumps back into bed each morning, and it’s not full winter yet. Diana started issuing orders when we hit the barn door, and she flipped on the aisle lights.

“Double check the outside water, and if there’s any ice, break it up BEFORE you fill the trough. Just pull up on the handle to start the water. Start it filling before you turn on the lights.”

“Without lights, how will I know if there’s ice?” I thought it a perfectly logical question. I wished I hadn't asked.

She grabbed my hand and stuck it in the cold, but not icy, trough. “Braille. After a few feeds, some part of your body will get calibrated to the cold. Then you won't have to feel for the ice. You may get lucky, and there might be a warm spell while I'm gone. Then it won't be a problem.

“Once you’ve flipped on the aisle lights, you need to get stall doors open quickly if the horses were in the paddock overnight.” That was the signal to the horses that it was time for brekkie. Diana was moving quickly. “Be sure no one gets into anyone else’s stall.”

“How do I know which stall belongs to which horse?”

“I’ll do you a schematic, but you’d best have it memorized before you do it on your own.”

“Will there be a test?”

“Yes, three days before I leave.”

The horses seemed orderly enough as they filed inside. They weren’t the thundering herd I’d expected.

“You need to get Gillie’s door closed first; she has a habit of wandering out if you don’t.” Diana had already opened the door to the hay stall and was grabbing pieces of bales. I think I’d heard that before …bales. “Each of them gets a flake of hay for entertainment purposes until you can get their grain dipped up and served. You should be able to carry all five flakes at one time.” I grinned at that. “Yeah, I know you can do it. You support your own weight …never mind. I know you can do this.”

“Thanks so much for the crumbs from your table, Mrs. Dives.” Demonstration day; she already had the door open to the only full fledged room in the barn. Must be the tack room.

She pulled me behind her. “Block their view of how you open the tack room door. If you don’t, Rabbit will figure out how to lip the door knob open, and you do NOT want that to happen. I keep the feed in here because it’s more secure. Oh, hell. I might as well put the new hasp on the door this weekend. I've been meaning to do it forever.”

“We can do it together. I’ve been told I’m rather handy to have around.”

“Well, they do say that building a house together is a true test of a couple's compatibility. I guess we can start with putting an additional lock on a door.” She grinned at me. Leave it to my Diana to make the smallest step forward that she can. At least she was stepping forward.

We entered the tack room where there were three, 50-gallon rubbish bins against the far wall. She turned to look at me.

“Got your notes?” I pulled them from my pocket. “Here’s what three-quarters of a can of feed looks like.” She held out a coffee tin to show me before she dumped it into a bucket. “A full can is completely level.” That went into a different bucket. She was going straight down the line on my list of what each horse was to be fed. “Now you show me what three-quarters of a can looks like to you.”

Until now I’d been standing about with my thumb up my arse. I was glad for a bit of activity before my knackers froze off, and at least we were in the tack room where it was a bit warmer than the barn aisle where the north wind was whipping through the open door. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye as I dipped, trying to see if I could get a read on how I was doing from her eyes or her face. I held out the three-pound tin with both hands; it looked to me to be about three-quarters full.

“More, please?” I was taking the piss with my words but did understand the import of this. She was trusting me with her horses, and I wasn’t about to muck it up. She looked into the tin and then back at me.

“That’s it. See the ridge here on the can? Shake the feed level to that. That insures you’ve got the right amount.” She let me dip up the last two on my list of instructions as to what those horses were to be fed and into their buckets. She scooped up three of the buckets, leaving me to look like the Little Dutch Boy with two as I followed her into the barn aisle way. As soon as they heard us coming, the horses gave up on their hay; their heads were now hanging over their stall doors.

The big mare – Pretty Woman - started circling in her stall, anxious for her tucker. Gillie was neighing piteously, apparently afraid she wouldn’t get her fair share. Rabbit looked as if he’d fallen asleep with his nose in his feed bowl. Gadrian was shuffling his feet, and Nelly was not going to expend any energy by being anxious about food arrival.

“Make sure you always feed Pretty Woman first; it’s takes her longer to eat than the others. She also gets more than the rest because she’s so big, and she’s eating for two. Rabbit’s next because he needs to feel special. The other three can be fed in whatever order you like. When you set the buckets down, be sure they’re not in front of a stall door; otherwise, whoever is in that stall will reach out and take a bite. Once everybody gets their feed, be sure their water buckets are filled. If the outside trough hasn’t finished filling when the inside buckets are full, finish topping it off.” My fingers were bloody well freezing, and I was blowing on my hands and hopping from foot to foot to keep them from going numb.

“What do you do whilst they’re eating?”

“I go back in the house and jump in bed with you to warm my feet.” Unfortunately, I’d have to settle for a hot shower to do that job.

*

By the time Diana left this morning, I’d made it from mere ‘stable hand’ all the way to ‘groom.’ I was cleaning feet and starting to know each horse’s idiosyncrasies.

She didn’t begin packing until ten the night before. With most women I’d known, I’d have been worried. It had concerned me the first time – when we went to the Ambassador’s Ball – but that wasn’t a problem now. Diana could be ready to go in 15 minutes.

I’d awakened half-an-hour before the alarm went off and lay there for a tic thinking we’d have a bit of fun before feeding the horses. I’d been spooned up behind her with my arm round the top of her head, my bicep just touching her hair. My other arm was draped over her middle, and I started stroking. Hmmmm …perhaps whilst she was in the bathroom last night, she’d gone Brazilian on me. The hair was short. I raised up a bit and flipped back the covers to have a peek. I was craned over, and Okie looked up at me and blinked. Bloody hell! I’d been stroking Okie’s short belly hair. Well, it was an entertaining thought whilst it lasted.

I got out of bed and stepped over Holly who was on the floor beside it. I’d learnt how to put a foot between her legs as I got out of bed. The first few days I was there, the dogs had been outside but for the rare, carefully controlled appearance. The first morning they had been in the house all night, I’d almost crushed Holly’s chest when I stepped out of bed without looking. She’s a sweet girl, Holly, and only yelped rather than biting me as I suspect Okie would have done. I arranged the covers back over Diana and Okie, dressed, and headed for the barn. This time I’d pulled on my shorts and a pair of socks before getting into my camos and Blundies, and grabbed my field jacket, shrugging it on as I walked outside. Ten minutes later I was spooned up behind Diana, and this time it wasn’t Okie’s belly I was stroking. I’d banished the dogs outside.

“Morning, Love. I let you sleep through feeding, but I’m not letting you sleep any later.” Her voice was low and husky.

“And I don’t want to sleep any later.” I was stroking her, and she was already wet. I didn’t know if it was all hers, or a combination of both of us from last night, but she was wet. I pulled us to the centre of the bed and slipped into her from behind. It was luxurious, luscious, and languid for us this morning. This was going to be a long, slow fuck. I wanted it to last both of us until she came home in case last night hadn't been enough.

Diana has given me a grounded point in my heretofore vagabond life. She doesn't care about going to fancy restaurants; she is more content puttering in the barn, cleaning bridles. She makes me appreciate the simpler part of my life that I lost somewhere. I feel so at peace with her.

We lay there in the aftermath as I slipped out of her, my dick softening between her legs. Her head was lying on my arm as I spoke into her hair.

“I think I’m going to miss mornings most of all.”

“Cold feet and all?” I pulled my feet up and stuck them next to her legs.

“Cold feet and all.”

She laughed. “Is that what my feet feel like?”

“I have no idea. It’s not your feet I’m concentrating on at that moment.”

“Good move not bringing them close to me earlier, because that would have been the only thing I’d have been concentrating on.”

She took a deep breath. “I'm going to have a free night. How do you feel about my having dinner with Jack?”

Jack? Jack Aubrey? Now that could be a disaster in the making. I suppose my silence lasted a tic too long.

She turned to face me and put her hand on my cheek. “I'll just call him to say hello if you don't want me to see him.” That was a BIG concession for Diana to make – a couple of BIG concessions. First, she asked what I wanted. Second, she was willing to abide by my wishes. She searched my face with a look of love and concern waiting for some sign from me.

“I suppose it would be rude of you not to call him.” Blast and damn. It was courtesy that we had invited him to the cocktail party in the first place, and that was where she had met him. “I don't know how I feel about you and Jack having dinner. The mere fact that you are asking makes me want to say, 'Go ahead and take him to dinner.' Then the other part of me wants to say, 'Come home earlier.' I don't know what to say.”

“This trip of mine has made us come awfully close to stepping over that line we've drawn in the sand about examining us. I am so glad you are in my life, but I’m still so unready for a serious discussion about it.”

“You make my life so much better, but I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready to embrace. Take Jack to dinner if you wish. At the very least, call him; it would hurt him terribly if you didn't, and he learnt later than you’d been in the area.” I wrapped her in a too tight embrace. “I'll be here when you get home.”

*

I was dressed with keys in my hand ready to walk out the door. Diana's question caught me by surprise. “Do you want me to call tonight?”

I had compartmented our earlier discussion about Jack. This time I tried for a lighter tone. “Checking up on how I do with the horses? All on my own?”

“You won’t be all on your own. Nancy will be here. Besides, you’d tell me everything went fine even if it didn’t.”

“You know better than that. If there was a problem, Nancy and I would handle it, and I’d tell you.”

“Yeah, I know you would. Terry, do you want me to call you tonight?”

“Won’t you guys go out for dinner tonight? It’ll be rather late for you.”

“Are you afraid I’ll go out partying since I don’t have the horses to deal with?”

“Will you?”

“No, my partying days are done.”

“So are mine. You do know that if you tossed me out now, I’d have to buy a place to live down the road. I couldn’t go back to the city now. I never thought I’d be happy without the bright lights, but I am. I’ve got the best of all possible worlds, right here. I have all the peace I could possibly want, and I can get to anything else necessary within half-an-hour. So even if you did throw me out now, I’d still be round here.”

“Terry, you never answered my question. Do you want me to call tonight?”

“Yes, I want you to call tonight. If you have time before you go to bed, you know I’ll be here. If I haven’t heard from you by midnight here, I’ll be calling you.”

NANCY

I walked past the black Jag in the drive; obviously, Terry had made it home in time to feed tonight. Walking toward the barn, I realized the horses were still in the paddock, clustered below a tree at the far end and in the shade. Squinting, I saw a solitary man in a dark blue shirt with them. He started toward me, horses following him, as I headed into the barn to open stall doors.

“You looked like you needed an extra set of hands out there.”

“Not really. Rabbit has discovered that backs are a wonderful spot for rubbing his face.” He turned and showed me the wet, slime marks on his shirt, and I laughed.

“He's done that forever. Did Dee leave you laundry instructions regarding removal of horse snot?”

“No, Love, she didn’t. She left me no ‘people’ instructions but a rather long list of horse ones. How ya going, Nance? Did you start the outside water trough filling as you came by?” He checked that I had opened the stall doors. “Thanks for opening the stall doors.” If the man is this intense in everything he does, I have a hard time seeing them together for very long. Diana is so laid back when she’s around the horses.

“Yeah, I started the water.” He fished in his pocket for the tack room key and looked to see Rabbit enter his stall, closed the doors on all of them, and then put his body between Rabbit’s line of sight and the lock. He did it with such determination. “So she finally got around to putting the hasp on the tack room door.”

“It was a joint effort.” There was a very pleased look on his face when he said that. “I got introduced to her mismatched tool kit. When we installed the new fastener, she kept asking for the screwdrivers by the handle colour. While efficient enough, it isn’t terribly precise.” We stepped into the tack room, and I stopped to look at the line-up of brand new power tools with a brand new tool box sitting on the floor. I nodded toward them.

“Did Dee splurge and get new tools?”

“She’s not seen them yet. They’re mine for the moment. If she likes them when she gets home, they become ours.” Well …sounds as if he plans on staying around. He’s been here every day for the last three months. It’s about damned time Diana had a good man around. Tomorrow I’m going to drop by Mrs. Lilja’s for early coffee and shut that gossipy old biddy up once and for all. I was talking again as he dipped feed, and he turned to look at me.

“Nance, I don’t want to be rude, but I need to concentrate here. Would you mind not talking to me until I get this done? Just stop me if I start to go awry. Diana means the world to me, and I can’t muck this up …the horses are too important to her to take that chance.” He stopped suddenly and bolted out of the tack room, headed for the hay stall. He’d forgotten to throw the hay. I shook my head and laughed.

“Terry, none of them kicked the stall wall yet. They’re waiting for their grain. They can do without the hay once.”

“Oh …right. Ta, Love.” I turned off the water to the outside trough and poked my head back around the barn door.

“Bill’s here.” Men are the most insecure creatures on God’s green earth. My beloved husband of 40 years didn’t listen to me when I told him where I was going, or at least it didn’t sink in immediately. Now he’s realized that what I said was that Terry is feeding the horses, which means Dee isn’t here. Bill walked up and put his arm around my shoulders. Oh, goody. The pissing contest is about to start, because he’ll have to let Terry know that I ‘belong’ to him. Terry’s grin told me he knew exactly what Bill was doing, and there would be no contest. Terry would tamp down his testosterone (as if that would be possible) as much as he could. I suddenly understood that Bill came down tonight because he doesn’t want to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to establish his so-called ‘possession.’ Terry stuck out his hand.

“G’ day, Mate.” Bill met Terry’s hand with his own.

“How’s the office?”

“Doing well. Thought I might have a bit of a problem getting home for evening feed, but one of my partners stepped up and has taken pity on me for the rest of the week.”

I looked at him. “Dino?”

“The same. He might not do it for me, but he’d do anything for Diana. Come on in, and let’s grab a beer whilst the horses are eating.” We followed him to the house. Once inside, I watched the two of them. Well, yes, I can see where Terry might make Bill feel a bit insecure. Terry’s not six-pack ripped, but he obviously works out, and I’ve seen him running early in the mornings on the weekends. Bill – love him though I do – has ‘Dunlop’s Disease.’ That means his belly has ‘done lopped over’ his belt. Maybe I can suggest to Terry that he ask Bill if he’d like to join him for a jog a couple of times a week. God knows, the boy could use more exercise than he gets by pushing buttons on the TV remote. I feel sure Terry knows CPR, so he could resuscitate Bill while I called the volunteer fire department for transport. I forced my attention back to their conversation. Poor Terry. Bill was telling him about the local high school football team heading for the play offs.

“I tell ya, Terry, I think we can go all the way this year. Our running back has outrun every kid in the district, and the quarterback has an arm on him like Troy Aikman. Fact is, I think he’s better than Aikman was when he was in high school.”

“Yeah, even though we haven’t been to any of the games, Diana’s kept me up to speed. Sounds as if they have a chance.” I looked at Terry; perhaps he needed rescuing from Bill.

“Terry, do you need any help letting the horses out? And what are you doing about feeding yourself tonight?”

“I’m fine tonight. I stopped for Chinese take-away on my way home. I cooked for myself for years. Haven't starved yet.” He patted his non-existent belly smugly.

“Then go on and eat before you let the horses out, but be sure and watch the late weather before you go to bed. See where the front is because you may need to put them back in the barn overnight. If you do, be sure and leave them a couple of flakes of hay each, and be sure their water buckets are full.” He grinned at me as he waved a sheet of paper.

“That’s on this page of my notes.”

TERRY

I was piled up in bed watching the telly, Okie on one side of me and Holly on the other. I thought over the mutual accommodations Diana and I’d made thus far. I now have dogs sleeping with me when Diana’s not here …and sometimes when she is here. She’s had to get used to my briefcase being in front of the bedroom door. She stubbed her toe on it the first morning, and I’d learnt some new profanities. Now it’s become a habit for her to move it to the side with her foot before opening the door. She’s also had to get accustomed to the concept of firearms in the house.

I must have dozed off because it took me a tic to register that the house phone was ringing rather than my cell. Her machine picked up. When I heard her voice calling my name, I had to lay on Okie to reach the handset on the bedside table.

“Terry?”

“You expecting someone else?”

“You’re the only one with a key. It's too soon for Reags to start checking for bodies.”

“Feeding went fine, and now the dogs and I are watching the telly.” She sounded surprised when she answered.

“The dogs?”

“Yeah, Love. We’re all in bed huddled together. I’ve got warm bodies round me, but I still miss yours. How’d the dinner go?”

“It went fine. I’m even going to have help building databases …that’s the good news.”

“What’s the bad?”

“There’re a couple of things. First, the reason I have help is because I’m going to be an active participant instead of just doing documentation. As a corollary to that, I’m probably going to Cairo in the spring. All the team members look like they can carry their own weight, and it looks like a lot of the stuff will all be working independently and I’ll be gathering information together. So, until spring – and I may not have to go to Cairo at all - ….”

“Wait …so, until spring …finish that thought for me.”

“Until spring, I’m going to be on the computer a lot, getting stuff in, and I’ll be lead analyst on all the information. I guess I am laying claim to lots of computer time. We might want to have a second line run to the house so our first fight isn't about computer needs.”

“I can’t think of anyone better to spot a trend. I'll work around your computer needs. I'd rather our first fight be about something more significant than computer time. It sounds like you’re having fun.”

“I am. This will be the first time in a long time that I haven't been working alone.”

“Hold on a tic …weather’s coming on.” I turned up the volume on the telly so she could hear it. Of course, the lead sentence was ….'looks as if the front has stalled out and may not reach us.’ I turned it down. “Did you hear that?”

“Boy, did you get lucky. You don’t have to implement page two of the instructions.”

“Nancy made sure I fully understood what I needed to do, just in case,” I laughed

“Hey?” The soft tone of her voice made me stop before starting the old joke about hay being for horses. “I'll call Jack Friday morning. He should be at work so I'll leave him a message. I'll be back Friday night if I can get a flight. Otherwise, I'll be in Saturday morning on schedule.”

I hoped she couldn't hear me clear my throat. Suddenly, it was very tight. “That will work a treat. Leave the TV on tonight. The white noise will help you get to sleep.”

“Sleep well.”

*

“Diana, this is not an option.”

“You don’t have to issue an ultimatum, Terry. You’re right. But don’t you think everyone on the team will be measured and fitted?”

“No, I don’t. The Government only does what they must, and that doesn’t include protective gear unless they feel it’s necessary. The fact that you’re with me now means you need your own gear, and you need it now, not when the Government belatedly deems it appropriate.”

“I’m well aware of the contracting process, so get down off your high horse. Does this mean I am now a consultant to TEO so I can get this legally?”

“At least on paper. That way all the regulations are covered.” I was referring to body armour. Diana had been told whilst on her recent assignment in DC that she would likely be dispatched to Cairo within the next couple of months to do part of her work at the American Embassy located there. She was not going into the Middle East without body armour; I’d already made the call locally to have her fitted. At the moment, we were negotiating the date and time for that fitting.

“OK, but it’s going to cost you lunch.” Diana's opening gambit – lunch. Not a problem.

“Meet me at the office at 1130 tomorrow. I’ll take you to Jeroboam.”

“Could we go to the little Mexican place?” Our negotiations are often odd. Diana was negotiating me down in cost but farther away from our destination.

“Not all the way down in Arlington!” A bit of clarification on my part was certainly in order.

“Not the Candlelight. I was talking about the one a block south of the West End train station.”

“Their refried beans aren’t as good as yours, but yes, that’s fine. Be sure you wear a singlet under your regular clothes. You’re going to be wearing this over a singlet but under your shirt. I’d just as soon the guys not get an eyeful when you’re fitted.”

DIANA

We were in the warehouse district. The place was very nondescript, just a number on the door. Inside it looked like a used-parts shop, but for all the security cameras leering down at us, tracking every move. I suppose this isn’t a place for window shopping; if you walk in this door, it’s for a very specific reason. Terry held the door open for me after we were buzzed inside.

Two men were at the back of the shop, and another walked around the corner toward us as Terry spoke. “Larry, let me introduce you to Diana Walker. The two blokes over there are Jim and Eric. She’s a new operative for us, and we need her fitted for Kevlars.” I hate being introduced as an ‘operative,’ though I suppose Terry didn’t have much choice in the matter. Of course, in the event I do get sent to Cairo – and I’m not wild about going to the Middle East – I truly would rather go with my own body armour.

“It’s nice to meet you guys.” We shook hands, and they looked at Terry, then back at me.

This time, Eric – the owner – spoke. “Okay …Kevlars. You need a singlet so we can measure you?”

Terry answered, and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he looked like wanted to bite off his tongue. “Not necessary. She’s wearing one.”

The look exchanged between the principals said it all …Thorne has a squeeze.

“Doubt you’ll want to shuck your shirt out here like most of our customers do. Come on back to the office …we’ll measure you there. You coming, Terry?”

“Right behind you, Mate.”

Eric opened the office door for me and stepped aside. “Take your shirt off and let me know when you’re ready.” He closed the door; Terry stayed with him, an obvious, at least to me, effort to keep up the façade of my being his ‘operative.’

I got out of my shirt and opened the door. “I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be.”

Terry and Eric came in, Eric with tape measure in hand. He stopped and looked at me. “You’re what, a size 12 dress?”

I nodded.

“I have a vest I made up for a client who never picked it up. Let me get it and see how close a fit it is. That okay with you, Terry?”

“Sure, Mate.” Eric disappeared, returning a couple of minutes later with vest in hand. I took it from him and got into it, adjusting the Velcro fasteners. Terry was watching, head cocked to one side. When I had it in place, he stepped over and tightened the straps, pulling the vest in as tight as a Moulin Rouge bustier. He stepped back, looked at it, shook his head, and tightened it again around my waist or tried to. No go …it was as tight as it was going to get. He ran his fingers around the bottom of the vest, moving behind me, and then slipped his hand up to my mid-back, removed it and shook his head.

“It’s too big, Eric. Can you alter it without breaking down the integrity?”

Eric stepped up. “Lift your arms a bit, Ms. Walker.” I complied. Now he shook his head.

“It’s too big in the waist and too tight over her breasts …see how she’s compressed at the sides?” Terry almost managed to suppress his grin at the ‘compressed’ comment, shoving his hands into his pockets, and looking at the compression rather than feeling it. “It’s not going to be comfortable for her because the intended owner was smaller up top. We’re going to have to go custom for her.”

ERIC

I initially thought she was Terry’s squeeze, but watching Terry check the fit, he was all business. Maybe she really was an operative.

“Aside from the fact that it doesn’t fit all that well, how does it feel? How’s the weight?”

“It’s not as heavy as I’d expected.” Hmmmm …maybe she is his squeeze after all. An ‘operative’ would have correctly anticipated the weight because she’d have worn body armour before.

“When’s the last time you wore body armour?” I had to ask that.

“This will be a first for me.” That did it. She’s his squeeze. There’s no way in hell Terry Thorne would hire an operative who’d never worn body armour. I wondered if she knew which end of a side arm to point at someone. Still, it wasn’t my job to ask personal questions. Terry was a client and a good one.

Men in all facets of the protection industry see the dark side of modern life. We tend to err on the side of caution. Men in our profession want the women in our lives safe, and we’ll do whatever it takes to insure they are. My wife had body armour because I insisted on it. She was rarely in a position to wear it, but I wanted her to have it in case she needed it. She wasn’t an ‘operative’ any more than Diana Walker was and never would be. I didn’t mind bending the rules for Terry Thorne. But for the slips about her already wearing a singlet and not anticipating the weight of the Kevlar, I had nothing concrete to tell me that she wasn’t an operative …and who was I to say that he hadn’t told her to wear a singlet under her shirt for her fitting. For all I knew, she might wear singlets every day. And this could have been her first experience with Kevlars.

DIANA

Eric was more professional, and his fitting entailed less groping than I’d experienced when being fitted for a bra. When he was done, he looked at Terry.

“I can have the lining ready in a couple of hours. If you two want to drop by later today, we can see if that needs any adjustment. If it fits, all I have to do is overlay the Kevlar. How soon do you need it, aside from yesterday?”

Terry grinned. “Yesterday. She may be heading for the Middle East any day, and I want it in her kit before the call comes in.”

“Fine. Go have a cup of coffee or a drink and come back.”

“Eric, before you do any cutting, may Mr. Thorne and I have a moment for a conference? Thank you.” I ushered him out of his own office with a polite, but definite smile, handing him the unusable Kevlar through the closing door as he left.

I turned to Terry with my hands on my hips. If Eric wanted to hear this conversation he would have to put his ear to the door as I advanced on Terry to hiss in his ear. “I don't even have a custom flak jacket for eventing. And I wear that every day I jump!”

“That red thing? That probably wouldn't even keep you from a cracked rib if you had a fall,” he whispered right back. “You need something that will stop a bullet or shrapnel.” He was not fighting fair. He had looped his arms through the V my arms had made in my vain attempt at looking fierce and drew me in close so we were whispering in each other's ear.

“Terry, the cost!”

“Hang the cost. If you go to Cairo...”

“That's just it. I may not go. A custom piece of equipment for a trip I may not make? That is...”

“A cost I am more than willing to bear. I want you to have it. I need you to have it. I have to know I have done everything in my power to keep you safe.”

“What if I get issued one?”

“You won’t be issued one until you arrive in Egypt, assuming you’re issued one at all. Take this one with you and wear it rather than what may be offered locally. It will be a lot more comfortable, and it will fit you properly.”

“Can't I get one at an Army surplus store? Surely with an integrated Army, they will have one that will do.”

“NO!” Terry had finished buttoning my shirt and tucking it into my waistband with his final pronouncement.

“Wait. You said you're paying for this? Oh, no, you aren't! My safety, my cost.”

“My life, my cost.”

“YOUR life? Want to explain that, Boomer?” If the words 'little woman' or 'wife' come out of his mouth, I know there is a weapon in here somewhere I can use. I wonder if anyone has ever been stapled to death?

“If your life was over, I suspect mine would be as well. I can't imagine my life without you now.” I pulled back to look at his face; it was as surprised as mine must have been. My eyes are normally not very large; at that moment, they must have resembled Betty Davis'. He was digging in his pocket; I could hear his keys jingling. “I suppose you’ll be wanting your key back now.”

A single, slight tremor shook the key he extended to me. “While this is moving a little fast for me, I think that means you need to keep the key.”

TERRY

“Thorne here.”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“Well, to what do I owe the honour of this call?” Diana has been to the office precisely twice since I met her – the night I met her and the day she began making arrangements to run the company in case I was incarcerated. She has called the office slightly more often than she has visited but primarily when necessary to exchange information.

“Seventy-five is shut down,” she informed me, “And they aren’t expecting to reopen it until seven or eight tonight. Someone jack-knifed a big rig across all four lanes. Why don’t you take the train out, and I’ll pick you up at the station. I’ll take you to the airport tomorrow; that’s one less parking space to be filled. Your car will be fine at the office – not to mention safer from vandalism - until you get back. Besides, while you and Dino are gone, Maximus might need to use it.”

“My not having to fight the traffic will give us a bit more time for good-byes tonight.”

“My thoughts exactly. Actually, I was trying to make sure you weren’t still packing at midnight.”

“All I have to do is zip my kit when I get home. I packed whilst you were in the shower this morning. I have more important matters to attend to tonight.” I could almost hear her cheeks getting red.

DINO

Terry and Dee were waiting for me at the ticket counter when I arrived.

“I’m surprised you two are here already.” They may have beaten me to the airport, but neither of them saw me walk up; they had eyes only for each other. I couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to have a woman see you off on a job; I’d never been that lucky. Of course, that was because I’d never allowed myself to be that lucky.

“I’ll have you know that for airplanes and leaving on trips, I’m always on time,” Dee defended herself with a laugh. I was in line to get my boarding pass while they waited. We walked to the security gate together.

Dee included me in her next statement. I felt honored but intrusive at the same time. “I can’t go any farther, and you two need to go on to the gate in case there’s a last minute change.” I tossed my laptop on the belt for the security check and turned back to them.

Dee stepped up to me and gave me a hug. “Take care of yourself, Dino. I’d miss you for the nuisance value.” I laughed.

“I’ll take care of him, Honey.” I whispered in her ear.

Terry lifted his chin nodding towards security. “I’ll catch up in a tic, Dino.”

I walked through and didn’t look back. For a while. When Terry hadn't caught up with me in a minute, I peered back through the security check. The few business people in line had stopped and were watching a couple – my couple – saying goodbye. Tio and Dee looked like they were willing to crawl inside each other. When they broke their kiss, Tio's lips were moving, but I couldn't hear what he said. Dee gave him a loving, brilliant smile; that woman has either been taking lessons from a professional soldier's wife, or she understood intuitively that when her man went off, he needed to keep that positive last memory of her with him. If this were to be his last look at her, she was making damned sure it would be a good one, a picture perfect memory of the woman he loved.

She kept that smile on her face with her hand up waving until Terry cleared security. That was the first time I had ever seen anyone go through the scanners backwards. Luckily the TCA agents had a sense of humor and a romantic streak.

Tio was asleep 15 minutes after we put wheels up. I wondered if that was his usual sleep-when-you-get-the-opportunity thing, or if he’d been awake most of the night before.

*

Our first stop was Thailand so I could meet Terry’s southeast Asian contacts. We’d be coming through South America on the way back for him to meet my contacts. Next trip out would be Max and Terry, and I’d get to keep Dee and Reags company while they were gone. Now that could be a very interesting proposition, particularly since Reags and I had sort of become ‘drinking buddies’ last year. We’d complete the meet-and-greet-each-others’-contacts process with Max and me making a Middle East/South America run. Obviously, there was a lot of out-of-the-office time coming up in the next few months, but Sooze could pretty well handle most of what needed doing, and if something popped, we were a phone call away and would always know the closest drop or pick up area that could land a bird.

*

It took us three fucking days to set up the meet once we got to Bangkok. We stuck in the area close to the hotel most of the time, but Tio did take me out to get acquainted with the city. We did the floating market bit, but he declined to visit any of the local variety of our normal haunts to pass the time. This was a sea change for him; he pointed to the more reputable bars and brothels through the windows of the taxi as we sped past, but it was clear that he wasn’t interested. To be honest, if Dee was waiting for me at home, I wouldn’t be interested either.

Terry’s cell rang as we walked back into the hotel lobby on the third day. We’d meet Song Lee in the bar at the one of the upscale whorehouses in three hours. That would be the only way Terry would enter a fleshpot on this run, and it was a logical meeting place. American and European businessmen abroad did as much real business in whorehouses as they did in their offices back home. Terry was finishing up an e-mail to Dee when we got ready to leave; the time he had arranged to call her conflicted with the meeting. We were out the door and on our way to – are you ready for this – the Happy Dragon.

It looked like every other local meeting place I’d ever seen in any other part of the world. Long bar on one side, tables jammed together toward the center of the area, booths along the perimeter for those who really did want to talk business. In fact, talking business here was just like talking business back in Tecala. No one was going to say they saw you there because that would be an admission that they had been there. Call it a double-bind. We walked in, and Terry looked around then nodded. We headed for one of the booths.

Clean cut gent, good suit, looked like someone’s middle-aged, sleaze bag uncle. He stood as we approached and bowed to Terry, who returned it. Mr. Lee was the middle man; he made the introductions. We had a few drinks and arranged to meet the following afternoon at his office. From there, we would be taken to meet his supplier, the man who actually had the merchandise. The next round of drinks was served by a real knockout of a thing. She looked at Lee as she put his drink in front of him, turned and nodded to two cuties across the room, who joined us in a couple of minutes. Business was done; now it was time to play. I wondered how Terry was going to handle this one. I’ll give him this, from his behavior, you’d never know he had someone waiting at home, and that was the best way to play Lee. When Terry had met Lee, he was unattached; Lee needed to think nothing had changed. You never know when these guys may get suspicious and start snooping; the less we give them to go on, the better off we – and the people we care about – are going to be.

One of the girls snuggled up to Terry, one hand on his leg and the other occupied with bringing his beer bottle to his mouth. He put his arm around her and pulled her in, just like I’d seen him do a hundred times in the past. Her hand moved further up his thigh, and he snuggled her closer as he continued to talk to Lee and me. A couple of times, he turned and kissed her – once on the forehead, once on the cheek. He never got anywhere close to her mouth, and it was a lovely, lovely mouth. Suddenly, the girl jumped, and Terry sat up straight, reached into his pocket, and pulled out his phone.

“Thorne.” He listened for a minute, then snapped the phone shut and looked at us. He kissed the girl on the forehead again as he pulled his arm from her shoulder and edged out of the booth.

“Mr. Lee, my apologies, but I must go. There is a matter in my Stateside office that requires my immediate attention, and the relevant documents are at my hotel. Mr. O’Reilly may remain as long as you two have business to discuss. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mr. Lee stood and bowed, extending his hand. I realized what Tio had done; he’d set the alarm on his cell to vibrate like he had an incoming call. The girl felt it and would swear the phone had rung if Lee asked her later. I have to give it to Terry. He’s one slick bastard.

It was really late – and I was really tired – when I dragged my ass back to the hotel just after midnight.

MAXIMUS

In retrospect, I should have called before taking the liberty of driving to her home. Cassandra will say that my behaviour was presumptuous, and by today’s standards, that may be correct. My intention was merely to insure that there was nothing requiring attention that might tax Diana’s reserves. It did not occur to me that my offer of assistance would be perceived as demeaning her ability to manage her stable. I rang the doorbell; there was no response. I knew she was home, as her truck was in the drive, so I walked about looking for her. I had driven Terry’s Jaguar so as not to give her neighbours fodder for gossip as, from a distance, I could easily be assumed to be Terry. As I rounded the corner of the house, I saw her running toward me, before stopping suddenly. She seemed to be talking to herself. I had not stopped to think what dread my appearance here might cause.

“Maximus. What are you doing here? Is Terry all right?”

“I came to see if I might assist you with anything whilst Terry is away. I have no reason to believe that he is other than well. Are you well? You appeared to be speaking to someone though no one was apparent.”

“I'm fine; you startled me is all.” Colour was returning under her windburnt cheeks. “Why would I need assistance? You’re supposed to be holding the fort at the office. You’re on the desk 24/7 until they get back. What are you doing out here at the back of Bourke?” I pulled my phone from my hip pocket and held it out to her.

“The office lines are forwarded to my cell. I am always in touch. In point of fact, the office is an expense we would not require other than for the privacy it affords us when meeting with clients.” We were walking to the barn as I spoke, and I returned my phone to my pocket. Diana picked up a manure fork as we entered the barn and entered one of the stalls, collecting excrement for removal to the nearby wheelbarrow. She spoke over her shoulder as she worked.

“You guys need someplace to go for face-time with each other. Without that, you’d lose your corporate culture. Dino would do things his way, Terry his, and you yours. You’d lose that ‘we’ that we talked so much about.” I moved to take the manure fork from her hands and finish the job for her. She pulled it back and nodded toward the tack room.

“There’s another fork in the tack room.” I retrieved it and returned, stepping into the next stall.

“Thanks for the help, Maximus, but I was running this place long before I met you or Terry. I designed this farm so that a frail, little woman could do the work by herself.” Did I detect an undertone of sarcasm in her voice? Yes, most certainly, I did. Cassandra would be proud of my increasing powers of observation as regards women and identification of their moods.

“Does Terry not assist you?” She looked at me through the grating dividing the stalls and started to laugh.

“Terry is learning, but it isn’t necessary. I don't think he should have to learn this. Horses and their care are my lifestyle – not his. His choice was to be with me not become a hired hand.” He was not helping her with chores? I would speak to him regarding his behaviour immediately on his return. Diana had now finished that stall and centred the wheelbarrow in front of the stall door where I was. I had dug out around the piles of excrement and now forked it up and into the receptacle. I pulled loose the damp areas from where the horses had urinated and lifted the damp hay and shavings into the barrow as well. Before I could put down the fork on finishing, she grabbed the handles of the barrow and was moving toward the barn door.

“Diana! Stop immediately. I will do that for you.” She stopped but looked toward the heavens, down at the ground, then back over her shoulder at me. I leant the fork against the stall wall and reached for the handles of the barrow. She would not relinquish it.

“Diana, permit me to do this for you.”

“Maximus, you don’t know where I dump it.”

“I can follow you …I am not without the facility of sight.” She sighed and relinquished the barrow, and I followed her out the door. She spoke as we walked.

“You know, Maximus, Terry didn’t sign up for barn duty. There’s no reason he should take up duties that have been a part of my life for years, and I don't expect him to. That would be totally unfair to him.”

“Expectation or not, he is a man. He is physically stronger than you and should assist you.”

“That isn’t the way I see it, Maximus. I was thrilled to a peanut when he volunteered to feed the horses when I was gone. If he wants to help, that’s fine. Expecting him to help is an entirely different matter.” Clearly, we had reached another impasse.

“There is no need for you to tax your reserves when there is a man available to assist you.”

“Maximus, I have so much pent-up sexual frustration right now that I could pick up the fucking barn and move it by myself!”

I pray Terry is not delayed in his return.

DIANA

I had e-mailed Terry daily telling him about every inconsequential thing that had happened since he’d left on his ‘grand tour’ with Dino. He had e-mailed me almost every day except for the days they were flying; I now have a lovely list of restaurants to visit if I ever find myself in Thailand. I had to keep my mails to him light; it hurt too much to say anything else. I could barely acknowledge to myself how much I missed him. There was no way I could tell him; I just didn’t have those words in my vocabulary.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him about how lonely the house is without him – far too needy and clingy for my image of myself. I'm not sure Terry could stay interested in a clingy woman. There are times I think he’d like it if I did ask something, anything of him. Maybe when he gets back, I'll have him start opening jars for me.

I have settled in with Biggie's new project. Ron Traub asking for me specifically had shocked hell out of me. We have some mutual colleagues but had never worked together before. My official role is Documentation Specialist; my actual function is Executive Officer to Ron. He issues the orders; I make sure they get accomplished.

For the last six months, significant amounts of money have been disappearing from the Embassy accounts in Cairo. The forensic accountants have gone over the books and can't determine where the money eventually ends up, much less who is doing the withdrawals. They can see which accounts it comes from but the withdrawal code is unknown. They can see which accounts the money goes into but then – poof – it disappears. I can see a trip to Cairo in my future, once eventing season is done. I can get into the personnel files and see who looks unusual. At least then we will have some leads to follow.

Right now I am simply keeping the project plan communicated and monitoring everyone else's progress. With Terry being gone, I have gotten the system sorted so it shouldn’t take much of my time when he gets back.

Every team has one – the one person who cannot get reports in on time, but who is so good at what he does that everyone is willing to put up with the inefficiency. Ours is Rodney Butterfield. Rod came on to each woman on the team in the introductory briefing. He can’t say his name without leering; we can't say his name without smirking. His good point? He actually understands the Government accounting system.

I have taken his status report over the phone while typing the draft of the final consolidated report that will go to GAO and the State Department more times than I can count, and this project is just getting started. I guess I would rather take his information over the phone. At least that way he can't see me roll my eyes at his lame come-ons.

The barn is spic and span. Bits are shiny bright. Even Nancy's saddle gleams. I think if the horses see me coming at them with another brush in my hand, they will stampede. I have considered putting a spit shine on my tall boots, but I think I’ll wait until my own soldier has been home for a while before doing that. God knows, Terry could tell me down to the milliliter how much spit to use.

I have spent days at the computer, literally. One day I sat down in front of the screen at 6:30 AM, fed the horses at 6:00 PM, and shut down the computer at 4:37 AM the following day. At first I told myself it was to get caught up on my Net surfing; actually, I was waiting for the one e-mail to come. God forbid I should miss the 'Okie Dokie' that signalled a new e-mail had arrived. One of them might be his.

When Terry first left, I thought the message boards I used to surf would keep me entertained. The one that always has a fight brewing was peaceful, at least for a few days. I rubbed my hands together with a perverse glee when I read a particular post; I knew that would get the snarks flying, and I would be entertained for a few days. That fight was rather like an ocean storm. The waves rolled on and then steadied. Pretty soon the waves would start up again and all would be whitecaps again. When it finally died down for good, I still had a week before Terry got back. So much for counting on message boards for ongoing entertainment.

I e-mailed old friends I hadn't talked to in years. I even researched where to find an old high school boyfriend; I have no idea why Tim White even crossed my mind. After finding him, or a guy who fit all my parameters without actually calling to see if it was him, I was down to five days before Terry got home.

I decided to try my hand at geneaology. I Googled 'Thorne' as I had no clue how to start; Aunt Faye had researched our family back to Scotland where at some clan gathering they had hung the horse thief and unfaithful wife. She dropped the geneaology research after that discovery.

The first link that came up was the Thorne Cattle Company just across the line in Oklahoma. I hope I remember to tell Terry that when he gets back; I want to see the look on his face when I start talking about straws and artificial insemination. Maybe I should introduce him to German Simmental cattle first.

I found Terry's diagram for redoing the closet. That fit my need for physical release. I took it with me to Lowe's to purchase the necessary raw materials. A gang of carpenters were in the lumber department apparently on a field trip as it was taking them forever to choose their lumber. We talked, and I got some handy tips on my project which I am not sure I will use; if it took them that long to choose lumber, how good could they be? I did enjoy the looks on their faces when I said I wanted to get it finished before my bloke got home. I had, or rather we had, a top of the line set of tools now; I no longer had to worry about the chuck falling off the drill. Now that was odd; the first thing I considered “ours” was a set of power tools. On a whim, I decided to line the closet in cedar; with the addition of Terry's suits, there was a LOT more wool in the closet to tempt moths. I can recommend driving nails into cedar as a soporific. The night I finished the closet was the best night of sleep I had gotten since Terry left. Of course, I couldn't lift my arms the next day, but it was worth it.

Before Terry had left, he had mentioned that he wanted to get his own car, rather than continue to drive the Jag. I think it was a combination of comments from Dino and me. Dino had been bitching about trying to compute the personal vs. business miles on the Jag; apparently, it was beginning to be a pain in the butt. Terry had not appreciated my comment on the Jag looking like a Kia sedan. Dino had also made veiled threats about IRS audits since the personal mileage was outstripping the business mileage. If he was actually going to have a ‘personal’ car, Terry wanted something sporty. Another project I could do while he was gone was create the spreadsheet comparing specs on his possible choices. I couldn't see him driving a ‘Vette, but I put it on the list anyway. Porsche, Mercedes, Lexus, BMW. I threw in a hybrid and a Mini Cooper for laughs; both of those are so small, I wouldn't fit in if we wanted to go for a Sunday drive. Terry would take up ¾ of the front seat.

And that brought me to why I am still at the computer at two AM before Terry is supposed to get home tomorrow afternoon or rather this afternoon. He missed calling when he said he would. He didn't e-mail today.

I tapped out a quick e-mail and sent it off before shutting down the computer and going to bed.

TERRY

The Thailand trip went well, and now we were in Dino’s playground. Dino’s contacts were no more willing to get immediately to business than were mine. The instinct for self-protection and preservation is strong in all of us. We were in one of Quito’s many brothels, and I looked round as I sipped my local bottled beer. It had never occurred to me in the past, but every meeting of this nature I’d ever had took place in a brothel. Driving in from the airport, I had looked out at the city and realised with a start that it looked exactly like Tecala. The impact of political correctness in American film-making struck me. I had been in Quito when I met Alice, but the producers wouldn’t run the risk of naming the city and country in a film.

Dino was across the bar at a table with his contact, deep in conversation before bringing me over to make the introduction; I sat at the long bar, waiting to be summoned. I looked round the bar; there were some strikingly beautiful women on display, and I knew I’d been away from home far longer than I wanted. Whilst in Bangkok, I’d felt no stirring of desire from the attentions of the Thai whores. Tonight, honesty forced me to admit that I wanted a woman. I had no intention of satisfying that desire but had to acknowledge that were my situation with Diana not in existence, I would not hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity. Given my relationship with Diana, this introduction was a particularly dicey proposition.

Whilst in Thailand, I’d been able to pull that trick with programming my cell to vibrate. Tonight, I was the man to meet, and I had to stay as long as Dino’s contact stayed and play whatever games he had in mind. I also knew that if Dino’s contact had set up women for the night, I had little choice but to go along; if I failed to do so, I wouldn’t be trusted. I had little doubt I could meet expectations, but my heart wouldn’t be in it as had been the case in the past. If one of Guerrero’s games is a sex game and I’m expected to fuck one of his whores, I have no option. The thought of betraying Diana’s trust made me sick to my stomach.

I looked up to see Dino walking toward me. The girls were already at the table. I put on my game face and walked across the room.

*

When Dino came to get me, I knew that I’d passed inspection on his word to Guerrero. All that remained was for Guerrero to see if I’d play his game. One of the girls was in my lap and had been for the past half hour. I suppose it’s rather like initiation into a club. Fucking one of his girls gave us a ‘bond;’ he now had something on me and that added to his trust in me. In his twisted mind, seeing me fuck one of his string of whores cemented the relationship, likely much the same to him as becoming ‘blood brothers’ with a mate had done when I was a kid back in Oz. Guerrero stood, and the girl slid off my lap taking my hand in hers as I stood. There was no way I could get round this other than doing the obvious. It was plain she was one of his whores, and I knew he’d have a full report within minutes after I left her bed. This was easier when I didn't love someone. I still wanted to chunder, but that would have to wait until I got back to my own room at my own hotel. For now, I’d do what was required to make the deal work.

*

She knelt at my feet to untie my shoes, and I closed my eyes, willing back the image of the only woman I wanted. I couldn’t do this if I kept thinking of betraying her. All I had to do was lie back and get hard. However, if I thought of Diana, I’d easily be hard in moments. Maria – at least I think that was her name – expected to suck me off, and I could get away with that. I’d have to slap her about a bit; that much was expected in a culture that devalued women, but I knew I’d slap her about very lightly, only enough to make Guerrero believe in me. She stood and took off my coat, folding it neatly and putting it on the chair beside the bed, then returned to unbutton my shirt. Five minutes later I was on the bed as she started to undress. She was lovely. What could her life be like that she was willing to subject herself to this? She crawled up the bed beside me and pulled open the drawer on the bedside table, taking out a franger. I slapped it out of her hand.

“That’s not what I want.” Her eyes widened, and I could see the fear of disease in her eyes, though I knew she wouldn’t stop any man who wanted to fuck her without one. She was trying to protect herself, and I hoped she’d be successful. At least for tonight – with me – she needn’t worry. I stood as I grabbed her wrist and jerked her off the bed, standing over her as I shoved her to her knees in front of me. I grabbed her head as she moved toward my groin.

*

Dino got us out of there as soon as I returned to the table. He poured me into the cab.

“Not a word, Dino. Not a word.”

“Wouldn't dream of it. Take a swig of this,” passing me the flask he carries in case of emergency …in case he or a mate needs to wash out his mouth. “I have a full bottle in the hotel so drink it down. I'd rather have her think I got you drunk tonight.”

*

I stood in the shower, the hot water beating down on me. I don’t know how long I’d been there, and it didn’t matter. I still felt dirty, and no amount of soap would wash away the filth. I got out and dried off, walking into the bedroom and dropping the towel as I sat on the side of the bed. I looked at the clock – two in the morning, and we were in the same time zone. I’d missed my promised call to Diana. I couldn’t call her now because late night phone calls only meant bad news to her. If I heard her sleep-husky voice at this point, I’d break down and tell her all of it. I couldn’t hurt her that way. I’d have to live with this, and pray to God that she never found out. I opened my laptop to check e-mails and there it was ….

Sent: Thurs 11-17-05 1:53 AM

From: Diana Walker

To: Terry

The bunnies were in the front garden last evening. See you later today.

Diana

I picked up the bottle of scotch sitting beside the bed and drank straight from the bottle. I’d opened the bottle when I returned to my room at midnight, and it was almost empty.

DIANA

Seeing Irish and Terry from a distance, they looked like tired businessmen coming off a flight. Suits, no ties. My first indication that something was wrong was when Dino leaned over and said something to Terry. Terry tried to straighten up some but gave that up as too difficult and looked in my general direction. Then I saw Dino's hand under his elbow steering him towards me.

I gave him the welcome home kiss my Terry deserved though his whiskey breath was not appealing. I held his bristly, unshaven cheeks in my hands trying to get his bleary eyes to focus on me; I wanted to be sure he understood it was me welcoming him home. When recognition set in, he crushed me in his embrace.

“Welcome home. I gather it was a rough trip? Are you all right?” I could barely gasp out the words for lack of breathing room.

Dino stood off to the side with his head down shuffling from one foot to another. I am sure he thought I would give him a tongue lashing for not keeping his promise. I couldn't have even if I were so inclined; Terry was holding me too tightly. All I could do was hold out my hand for Dino’s.

“I'm fine. Just get me home.” Terry released me and slumped to his left. Dino grabbed his arm, and I snuggled under the other heavily muscled arm. I marvelled how weak heavy musculature can be at times. Between the two of us we were supporting the majority of Terry's weight.

“Dino, how did you get him on the plane? Is he hurt? Is he sick?” I muttered around the bulk we were moving towards the door. “Is this the way he normally comes back? Is this what I need to expect from now on?”

“The last part of the trip was hard on him. This isn’t normal, Honey. He's just hung over. Shit, Dee, he may still be drunk.”

“There're some benches just out the door. We'll put him there. Prop him up against the post.” As much as I would have liked to stay with Terry, part of me didn't know what to do for him, much less say to him. I took the coward's way out; I went for the truck myself.

It seemed to take forever to get back to the terminal. As soon as I pulled up, Dino was reaching for the passenger door. Together we wrestled mostly dead weight into the seat. I had contemplated loading Terry into the back, but Dino had taken that option away from me.

“Dino, thank you for getting him home to me. You OK? You aren’t hung over, too?” His head shake reassured me so I continued. “You need to be sure to get into the office tomorrow. Sooze called and said she needed one of you in tomorrow as there are a couple of things that need a second signature. It doesn't look like Terry will be in any shape to make it.”

The ride home was silent except for a few grunts and groans from my hung-over/still inebriated passenger. Terry managed to get the two bottles of water I passed to him down before we got to the house, and he had perked up a bit. I was grateful, as I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of parking on the lawn in front of the door to get him indoors. I wasn't sure I could handle moving him too far without getting the tractor to haul his carcass.

“Just put your feet on the running board. No, point your toes towards the street. Good, now lean. Ooof. You're doing fine. We'll leave your bags in the car. I doubt I'll be doing laundry for a couple of days.” Truly, I hadn't planned on doing anything but making love to Terry for the next couple of days, but I do believe that option was out for the time being.

“Please don't laugh, Diana. I hurt too much.”

“I'm sorry; I can't help it. I got a mental picture of our first stroll down this walk and how different this one is. I don't mind, but I can’t control when my sense of the absurd kicks in. I'll make you a deal. Are you up to it?”

“Anything. I'll do anything but talk right now.” While I could change what I had originally intended to offer him and get for myself in return, my sense of fair play made me stick with my first plan.

“Next time I am stinking drunk and hung over, you can laugh at me. I won't say a word. How's that for a deal?” I had manuevered him into the bedroom and had him sitting on the bed. Well, slumped on the bed. His torso was parallel to his thighs, his forehead resting on his knees. He looked like he was about to chunder. I raced into the bathroom and got the rectangular pan from under the sink to put between his feet, just in case.

“You can tell me if the deal sounds good when you feel better in a couple of days. I don't think you can even nod right now.”

I knelt to take his shoes off, but he wouldn’t let me. “NO!” I’ll do this.” Where he got the power to boom his order, I will never know. Maybe it sounded loud because my ear was right next to his mouth. His next request was at a much lower volume and much more pleading. “Diana, could you get me a couple of Pannies, now, please?”

When I returned with the Tylenol and water, he had thrown up or at least tried, but he had taken off his own shoes and socks at some great cost. He swallowed the pills and drank all the water. “Terry, this is starting to look bad enough to be alcohol poisoning. Let me take you to the hospital. Please.”

“I'll be fine.” The miserable tone in his voice was matched by the slight tears around his bloodshot eyes. Well, hell, when I throw up, I cry; why wouldn’t Terry? His next words were so pained that they tore at my heart. “Diana, I’m so sorry. Please, help me get undressed and into bed.” Why in God’s name was he so sorry about getting pissed? He certainly wasn’t the first man to come home drunk and disorderly.

“You have no reason to be sorry. I must admit that I did have other plans for us tonight, but they can wait. I’m so glad you’re back even if you are sick as a dog. I didn't intend to miss you, but I did.” I tried to kiss his chest while getting his shirt off, but the alcohol seemed to be leaking out of his pores; it was overwhelming and made me nauseous. I backed off a bit; I would show him later how much he meant to me. I couldn't have both of us getting sick. Holly couldn't take care of us by herself, and Okie wouldn't even try. “I'll give you a couple of hours, but if you aren't better by then, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I need more water. I'll get it flushed out of my system. I'll be fine.” Reluctantly, I did as he requested even though the water would be hard on his stomach. I’m sure Terry knows his own body better than I do. Well, in some ways he does. He had been through this before. I hauled one of the cases of bottled water that I keep on hand for emergency purposes into the bedroom and busied myself getting him settled in the bed. However, what I had on my agenda at that point and his plans were two entirely different sets of tasks. My agenda included getting homemade chicken stock started, giving him a sponge bath, and watching him like a hawk. His agenda was having me as close to his body as he could manage.

“Please, I need you here.” The Tylenol was the PM kind so Terry would be drifting off to sleep soon. I could do my busy work then, and he wouldn’t miss me.

I crawled in next to him and tried to snuggle up to him in some way that wouldn't hurt him. Once again I was rewarded with a mammoth bear hug.

“What would you think about me getting out of this business?”

His question surprised me. “I thought you didn't want to talk?”

“There are a few things I need to know right now. Would you care if I was out of K&R?”

“Terry, I don't care if you work at all. You'd have to curtail some expenses, but I imagine you could live on your investments. I can't imagine you NOT working for long, but if you want to sit on your butt doing nothing, that's fine with me.”

“It seems to me that a lot of people only see the heroic side of K&R. They never see the unsavoury aspects of the lifestyle. I don't particularly want you exposed to it, but I do want you to have a balanced view of what I do.”

“Terry, there are plusses and minuses to any job. If you were a carpenter, you could get hurt on that job; you could fall off a ladder. If you were an accountant, you could get ulcers or have a heart attack from such a sedentary life. God forbid, you were an air traffic controller. I don't care what you do to earn a living, or if you just want to sit on you arse here in my lounge. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“If I weren't in K&R, we might have never met.”

“Yes, we would; somehow, someway, I know we would have met. I can see us meeting at some lumber yard somewhere. Me picking up lumber for jumps; you a carpenter and there picking up wood for some house you were building. It might have hurt you more if I had run into you like that. Instead of dropping papers, I would have dropped a two-by-four on your foot. Terry, if you were a carpenter, with your personality, sense of humour and looks, I'm right there. I would have fallen for you then and there.”

I don't think he heard me. He was asleep but still had me in his arms. He had one of his furry legs thrown over mine; I am sure that is going to hurt in a while, but I'll deal with the pain then. I don't think I could get away from him even if I wanted.

NOTES

GAO General Accounting Office. The part of the federal government that actually DOES try and make the financial ends meet.
Kabukicho District Toyko’s Redlight District
Hay is for horses Whenever anyone around a barn uses “Hey” in a sentence, whoever is being hailed responds with “Hay is for horses.”
Hot walk When a horse is fatigued from running or excitement, he needs to walk to cool down. It aids his muscle stiffness and his breathing. Large farms often have a carousel type of mechanical device that is a walker for this. Small farms use humans. Walking is also a remedy for a mild colic.
Flak Jacket Safety regulations for eventing require that riders wear a protective vest during the jumping phases of the competition. The protective vest is called a 'flak jacket' by most eventers. It is very different from the 'flak jackets' used by the military and police.
Straws A glass or plastic cylinder filled with bull semen for artificial insemination