With Apologies to Bob Hope and Bing Crosby

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended. Copyright Diana Walker 2008.

Author’s Note: This story utilizes the characters from our Ongoing Stories. In this time frame, Diana and Terry are living together; Emily is a month old.
With special thanks to Reags for her herculean editing efforts. DW

As soon as the game was announced, it was certain Diana would be making the trek to Jacksonville. Her cry of “Asotasi’s thighs, Asotasi’s thighs, Asotasi’s thighs, Asotasi’s thighs” began to ring through neighborhood. She even used it as the metronome in her head as she worked horses. She chanted the rhythm when mashing potatoes for dinner. Diana thought she had been cautious to conceal her fixation from Terry; she had, but he’d heard the quiet potato mantra as he came into the kitchen to hold her.

As the time approached to buy tickets and make reservations, they began the serious conversation of whether Terry could carve out the time to travel to Jacksonville with her or would meet her there. Terry felt it best to accompany her rather than send her on alone with the promise to join her later. He didn’t want to take the chance of an international pantsing incident with a crazed rugby league fan going after a world class player’s thighs.

“We’ve been saying we need to take a holiday together. A trip to Florida is just the trick.” Terry had begun the negotiation. “We can use some of my miles and fly. We can arrive rested and arrive home in plenty of time for Henry’s arrival.”

“A whole week together! We can do whatever we want.” Diana’s face was wreathed in a smile. “When I thought you weren’t going, I’d planned on driving. A leisurely three day drive, stopping to see whatever I wanted, eating at great little joints. The only thing I’d planned on seeing for sure was Vicksburg; I’d always thought about dropping down that way going or coming from Lexington, but I never had enough time. I’ve never seen that part of the country.

“The only drawback to driving was that I’d miss the open practice on Sunday. I’d planned on sneaking into a practice one day.”

“A relaxed road trip. I could be talked into it as long as you promise not to attack Roy Asotasi.”

“You heard? I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you on the trip. I’ll worship your thighs every single night on the trip.”

Terry rather liked the sound of that. “Agreed. We’ll make a proper trip of it then. No cooking for you. You’ll be on holiday as well.”

Diana’s face showed her distaste at the no cooking idea. “You have to eat in restaurants so much. A break in routine for you is home cooking.”

“Lady, you forget. I eat in restaurants without you. On this trip, I’ll have my perfect dining companion with me. The worst food always tastes better with you at my side.” He was using charm on her, and for a change, it worked.

“I’ll give up packing food and drinks for lunch, but you have to promise me, your laptop stays in the trunk. No checking emails, no peeking at world affairs.”

“Agreed. Book us into a hotel on the beach. You need a large body of water with waves lapping on sand for a proper time away.”

The negotiation on which car to take took much longer. Truck had a lot of miles on him; the Jag was primarily a business car; the Porsche was much too flashy for small town Alabama cops to ignore. The possibility that it might be impounded and confiscated for a speeding violation by one of its drivers was all too real.

For all of Diana’s faith in Truck, after a visit with the mechanic, she eventually came to Terry’s point of view; Truck was not an option. Terry had the Jag serviced. Diana assigned herself the task of harassing the Porsche dealership for its warranty work. The tires were flaking.

“Ma’m? Do you live in the country? Has the car been driven on rutted, dirt roads?” The service advisor was doing his best to limit their liability for shoddy tires.

“We have paved roads.” The thought of Terry allowing his toy to go near dirt almost made her laugh.

“Is there a lot of construction near you?”

There was a new shopping center being built near Central, but whenever Terry drove the Poorshit, he took a less direct route to the freeway. He’d even made them late to Reags and Max’s one day with his circuitous route.

“No,” Diana said confidently.

“Well, the flakes are simply cosmetic. It doesn’t affect the tires performance at all.”

Instead of shouting, “Bullshit. The two front tires are losing tread. You’re trying this crap because I’m a woman,” at the top of her lungs, Diana chose to approach the defect from the commonly perceived more feminine, beauty angle.

She put herself into Scarlet O’Hara mode though she hated herself for doing it. “I don’t think you’d like this beautiful machine to travel half-way across the country and back looking less than stellar, particularly not with your dealership’s logo plastered across the rear end of the car. I think pretty tires are a necessity.”

It only took the service adviser a moment to see the steel in Diana’s eyes above her most civil smile, calculate the odds of her writing ‘LEMON’ on the car, and determine customer service in this case wouldn’t cost him his annual bonus. “Yes, Ma’m. I agree.”

“Since we’ve driven on the tires for 25,000 miles and they’re warranted for fifty, why don’t we pay half for the new tires? That’s fair to the dealership and us.”

“Thank you, Ma’m.” The surprised service adviser jumped on her offer and fast-tracked her work.

She was out of the dealership in enough time to buy a portable GPS device, map their route on MapQuest, warn Reags to have bail money and a replacement car available as she and Terry were driving the Poorshit, and have the Civil War in Four Minutes video on YouTube available for Terry to watch as background for their stop at Vicksburg. All in all, Diana had a satisfying day.

Their intended start on Saturday was scrapped. Not a big deal as their hotel reservation in Jacksonville began on Wednesday night; they could leave as late as Monday morning and still have their unhurried trip.

Terry wanted to just slop around house, and Diana had an overwhelming need to love on the dogs and horses. It was cold and rainy in the morning – not an auspicious start to a driving vacation. Diana held an assumption that if you were not on the road by 8 AM, the day was wasted. By the time the sun finally came out at 3 PM, the day was shot.

The alarm didn’t go off at 5 AM Sunday as Diana had intended; Terry had turned it off in the night. This was supposed to be an unplanned holiday for him, Diana’s scheduling be damned. He really didn’t want to start his trip to sunny climes in five layers of clothing; the temperature would be 18 degrees at the time Diana wanted to leave. He simply would not get out of bed until the temperature reached at least 38 degrees or the sun rose, whichever came first.

Diana’s giggles woke the slumbering bear beside her. “It’s cold. On mornings like this, I truly appreciate having Junior as a conscientious employee. I don’t want to get out of our warm bed yet. Is that OK with you, Boomer?” She already knew the answer but was delighted with his growl as Terry pulled her to him and buried them and the dogs completely under the down duvet. They finally waved good-bye at 9 AM. Diana had the Poorshit warmed up. One thing you do have to admire about German automobiles; they have great heaters.

Less than ten miles from home Terry was passing an already speeding plumber’s truck that had the audacity of traveling 70 miles per hour in the fast lane. The plumber’s truck suddenly slowed, and Terry shot past him. Luckily the cop on the median didn’t see the midnight blue missile in the shadow of the truck.

“Now that would get on my tits. Not even out of town and be ticketed for speeding.”

Diana bit her tongue, her lip, and her cheek trying not to say ‘I told you to watch your speed. We don’t have to make up for our late start.’ Instead, she wiped her brow and said, “That was a close call.”

The plumber had regained his speed and was now traveling behind the Poorshit. He saw Diana’s gesture and grinned. He might have to work today, but those two were off on an adventure.

The miles, the traffic, and Terry’s cares melted away. Near Tyler, after US 80 had crossed Interstate 20 for the fifth or fiftieth time, Terry’s jaw relaxed and his shoulders softened. Now Diana could begin her soft massage on them.

“That’s nice, but it’s a bit early to stop for the day. If you’re determined to keep that up, there’s a Best Western at the next exit.”

“You’re just wondering how I intend to delight your thighs tonight. Let your dirty mind think on that today, Boomer.” Diana settled in with her hands in her lap, withdrawing all contact with an evil smile on her face. She wondered how long – either in miles or time – it would take him to reach for her. It wasn’t long in minutes, but they’d traveled over four miles; she already had her hand on the console between them.

“You might give me a bit of a clue here.”

“Not at this speed. I value our lives too much.”

Terry used the hill before him to bleed off some speed, and Diana gave him the hint he wanted.

“Oh, Christ. I’m sorry I didn’t take the exit.”

In Shreveport Terry had another regret – cardboard fast food. One of Diana’s fried egg, bacon, and tomato sandwiches would have been preferable to whatever he was eating. Perhaps he’d been rash in declaring a no cooking holiday.

“We might consider staying here on the way home. Do a little gambling on our last night of unfettered freedom.” Texas doesn’t have open casinos; Louisiana had capitalized on that Texan craving long before the tribes in Oklahoma. Louisiana is littered with casinos along the Texas/Louisiana border …a ‘last chance’ for the addicted before entering the sterility of Texas.

Diana looked at him in shock. “I don’t think so. This is too close to home. I’ll be craving dog fur and horse slobber by the time we’re here. Besides, you don’t like to gamble.”

The officer at the guard shack to the Vicksburg National Military Park admired the car and voiced his appreciation before beginning his spiel. Terry checked the mirror in alarm at the three then four cars stacking up behind them though none of the drivers seemed to be in a hurry. Diana’s unease matched his own; she hated to put anyone else out on her account, and they only had an hour before the park closed. The guard finished his narration, handed them a map, wished them a pleasant stay, and pointed to the beginning of the driving tour.

Diana opened the map but turned in her seat to watch the next car at the entry kiosk until the battlefield monuments began appearing to the left of the narrow road. On the right was a steep drop-off to a narrow creek. Between her interest in the waiting line and finding where they were on the map, which was a losing proposition, her analytical mind hadn’t made the connection as to why the guard didn’t seem hurried. He spaced the cars on their journey through the 16 mile drive with each conversation. The narrow road had few turnouts for passing, and without proper control, traffic congestion was inevitable. Even with the careful staging with the guard’s conversation with each driver, cars leap-frogged each other all throughout Terry and Diana’s visit.

They passed several groups of local residents out for their daily constitutionals on the winding battlefield parkway. Several had dogs with them. Diana sighed, already missing her own. Her fur withdrawal had already kicked in, and they’d been gone from home less than seven hours.

“I thought the battlefield overlooked the town.” Diana marveled at her own lack of Civil War battle knowledge. Steep hills hid the Mississippi River and the town itself from where the Union soldiers had been encamped along the Yazoo River.

Terry parked at one of the many bivouacs left by the Illinois regiments. It was cold with a slight breeze, and he grabbed his heavy jacket from the back seat.

“Button up, Diana. Even you will be cold.” She considered grabbing her jean jacket with the jumping horse on the back. Since she had no idea how long Terry intended to be out, she opted for her duffle coat.

They walked to the edge of a ravine, and Terry explained what an excellent spot it was for a forward camp. He pointed to the top of the ridge. “Two sentries there and there could hold off a charge until the troops could be rallied should they be attacked. There’s no other way to access this area. That would allow for most of the men to rest.”

He pointed to a spot in the distance. “A single canon there could control the whole valley behind them.

“The ravine is deep enough the tents could be sheltered from all but the worst of winter storms, and the creek is close enough for a fresh supply of water without significant work. Bloody brilliant.”

Even though Diana had dictated no work, she saw Terry file away his gained knowledge and smiled. How could she be angry? What Terry learned today would keep him safer and more comfortable when he deployed.

She stepped behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and laid her cheek on his back. “Do you want to hike up to the ridge?”

“Do you mind?”

He could feel her cheeks smiling on his back. “Not at all. You go look to your heart’s content. I need to read the information on the map. I don’t know nearly enough about this siege. I’ll be a fountain of information when you come back.”

He turned his head and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back in a tic.”

She watched him jog off before she called to him. “Terry?” He stopped and cupped his ear to hear her better in the stiffening breeze. “What color uniform should I imagine you in?”

“Neither. This wasn’t my war.”

Diana sat cross-legged on the warm cement around the stone obelisk honoring the Illinois regiment, looked up to watch Terry jogging up the hill, and began to fill in the gap in her knowledge about Vicksburg involvement in the Civil War. Her knowledge began with there was a battle in Vicksburg, the gap, and the North won. She soon discovered her lack of education was HUGE.

There hadn’t been an actual single battle or even a series of battles; it had been a siege. The Yazoo River joins the Mississippi at Vicksburg; by the time of the siege, it was the last major port on the Mississippi that the Union didn’t control. Sherman and Grant’s troops harried the Confederates from their positions in and around the city, and both rivers were subjected to Union gunships (mid-October, 1862, until May, 1863, when the full-fledged siege began).

The Siege of Vicksburg ended on the 4^th of July, 1863, when Confederate General Pemberton, a Northener by birth, had no choice but to surrender the city. Half his already outmanned troops were unable to fight due to disease brought on by starvation.

By the time Terry had scouted the area, Diana had finished her reading and was wishing she hadn’t banished Terry’s laptop; there had to be more details and interesting stories on the Net to supplement the few facts she’d read. He saw her engrossed in conversation with a man and his two dogs. She had a hand on each dog’s head, naturally scratching ears, as she carried on conversation with the human; the dogs had immediately identified on Diana as a ‘fur person.’

Diana had found dogs, or maybe her Ausdar (like radar but the person picks out Australian nationals) had been on overload. She had found the only Australian living in Vicksburg out walking his dogs in the national battlefield, and they were having a spirited discussion over the relative merits of rugby league and rugby union. The man was delighted with the convo, and the dogs were thrilled with Diana’s attention.

It was dusk when Terry and Diana left Vicksburg. Terry switched on the headlamps. A red triangle with an ominous exclamation mark appeared in the center of the impressive gauge display. The light was bright enough that it attracted Diana’s attention in the passenger seat. Two exclamations came out as one.

“Bloody hell!”

“That’s not good.” Diana’s deadpan delivery did not deter Terry’s question.

“I thought you took it to the dealership for service?”

“I did.” Diana didn’t care much for the accusation in Terry’s voice. “Except for the two new tires I got you under the warranty even though they weren’t covered, there was nothing wrong. What does the triangle mean?”

“The display says a tail lamp is out.”

“Easily worked around unless you want to spend a day trying to find a Porsche dealership in Mississippi. We’ll drive during daylight.”

“It’s dark now.”

“So lighten up on the speed, find a group of cars to travel with and we’ll pray some cop doesn’t need to fill his quota.” Diana saw the road sign showing Jackson was 30 miles away.

“We were planning on stopping in Jackson anyway. We’ll be fine.” Terry didn’t see her crossed fingers. “Don’t let a burned out bulb spoil what has been a great day. We slept in and were warm all day. Vicksburg was spectacular. We’re together.” Her last sentence sounded doubtful.

Terry moved into the slow lane, braked for the Bovina off ramp, and stopped. Diana wondered if there was an bus terminal in Bovina, MS. And whether she should key the Poorshit when she exited.

He unlatched each seat restraint and took her face in her hands. “Never, ever doubt that I want to be with you. I’m frustrated that something mechanical has gone out. I’m angry that the dealership tried to best you. I’m tired.”

“I love you, Boomer. I can help you fix all that. Compartmentalize the stupid bulb; don’t think about it. I’ve already given you the work around. The dealership saw the error of their ways before I left, and no blood was shed. Now, get out of the car.”

Diana was out of her door and halfway around to the driver’s side before Terry moved, his astonishment was that great. He’d always proclaimed she was his equal partner, but he’d rarely relied on her, fully surrendered his control to her. She’d just wrested it from him.

He slowly unfolded out of his seat into the rapidly cooling air. “Hustle around and buckle up. I’ll drive us into Jackson. You have enough time for a twenty minute nap. I want you awake to appreciate your thigh treatment.” Then she kissed him long and hard and deeply.

Needless to say, Terry, for the first time in a long time, didn’t grab a nap when he could. He watched and marveled at Diana-in-charge mode.

“No, Terry. I handle the cold better than you do. Just tell me where the hell the gas tank is. Letting me pump gas will not take away one iota of your masculinity. You have to do the fill-up next time.” Diana laughed at a shivering Terry.

It was 23 degrees instead of a hot, sultry Mississippi delta day. The ground beyond the station had a carpet of snow covering the grass though the roads were clear and dry. The rain that had delayed their Saturday departure from Dallas had moved east and dumped SNOW in Mississippi. Terry and Diana could only shake their heads.

Diana talked to the local in the Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt who was filling up his tank. “I moved from Dallas expecting Delta weather year round. I was wrong,” was all he could say and laugh with her.

They listened to the local drive time DJ in Jackson who had foolishly boasted he would wear a Wonderwoman costume and wash the weather woman’s car if it snowed. The weather woman was making the arrangements with him on the airwaves for the event.

“I’d like to see that,” Terry voiced.

“I would, too. That’s one of the problems about listening to local radio when going cross country. So many events, so little time. We could stay here in the cold and snow and blow off the footy game.” Diana knows her man well. Reminders of the weather outside the warm compartment convinced Terry sunny Florida was far preferable to the current surroundings.

“No, no. I couldn’t deprive you of your first footy game.”

The station faded to static about the same time their enthusiasm for a local prank did. Diana found a classical music station as they crossed into rural Alabama. The signal and the sister stations gave them Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, and Mendelssohn all the way to Jacksonville. Travel can be filled with surprises and treasures.

Terry made the quick lane change in the tunnel under Mobile Bay. The last minute decision to see the USS Alabama made it necessary. Diana’s first sight of the ship stunned her. That anything that big could float was amazing.

Terry’s good natured grousing about the Navy delivering the true warriors had them both laughing.

“Careful there, Boomer. Some of these World War Two sailors will make you eat your words. You’re tough, but not as tough as these guys.”

“Too right.” The grounds were sparsely populated. The big parking lot held a smattering of large RV’s with their in-tow cars attached. Snowbirds revisiting their past. “I’ll Be Seeing You” sounded grainy coming from the loud speakers around the grounds, but the 70-something couple Terry and Diana passed on the gangplank had been transported to another time and place when they had been young, in love, and scared. The older couple’s love had survived, and with that song, their eyes became young again even though their gait was halting.

Terry and Diana stopped on their self-guided tour, but their high spirits finally overcame them when Diana decided to try running through the open hatches below decks in a simulated ‘Battle Stations’ drill of her own making, entertaining Terry immensely. She’d managed three half-way decent steps before she arrived at an open hatch.

“You’d have to be a hurdler to jump through. The bottom of the hatches are two or three feet off the deck. Of course, they could take off closer to the opening without the block to help us lubbers step through. Try one, Terry. Vault through.”

Terry cautiously stepped through the open hatch, stopping to measure his shoulder’s clearance; he had a scant two inches extra. “We also aren’t wearing helmets and life preservers.” He pulled Diana close and whispered to her. “You’re wearing your own natural Mae West.” They separated when the two tall, young men from Auburn University they’d met earlier caught up with them.

“I wouldn’t care to dislocate a shoulder with a miscalculation. These blokes might have to bend double to reach the next compartment.”

“We do. Watch.” With bent knees and waist they barely made it through.

All four stood in reverent silence thinking of the hardships life at sea imposed. Diana shook her head slightly. “I don’t know how they did it. I don’t know how they do it now.”

The four walked slowly up top and parted company. The young men had to return to classes the following day. Terry and Diana went on to tour the submarine, the USS Drum, in dry dock on the grounds.

“Have you ever been on a sub?”

Terry looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Briefly. My team was dropped off once. We missed our pick up and had to use alternate transportation out.”

Terry shrugged out of his thick jacket. “If I remember correctly, it was a tight fit the first time, but I was loaded down with gear.”

His memory was accurate. His shoulders rubbed the railing on the stairs down into the guts of the sub. To move through the hatches, he had to step sideways; his shoulders were too broad to fit through the opening comfortably.

Diana drove after a great seafood lunch at a restaurant that had once been a fishing shack on Mobile Bay’s backwater. She wasn’t chancing a cranky Terry two days in a row. She enjoyed driving as much as he did, and while he could outdrive her on an obstacle course, open road driving had them evenly matched.

Diana set the cruise control for 70 mph and promptly increased her speed to 80. Terry silently asked the question ‘Why?’ with his head tilt. Diana and he had perfected the silent conversation start.

“I figure I can take my foot off the accelerator and coast back to the speed limit. I’m hoping Florida has a ten mile per hour grace period.”

“You mean you haven’t memorised the traffic laws of every state we’ve gone through? I’m shocked, Diana.” They giggled, at ease with each other.

Terry continued kidding her. “You do realise that by the time you see the trooper he already has you on radar.”

“But I won’t have to lie when he asks me if I know how fast I was going. I can say the cruise was set for 70.”

Interstate 10 across Florida was miles and miles of miles and miles. There weren’t even any ‘Gator Crossing’ signs to discuss. There were billboards for the standard fast food and chain motels, but not even Terry and Diana could have anything witty to say after seeing the same billboard ad for the 25^th time. Terry’s excellent sense of direction told him they were headed east, but the similarity of the billboards might have indicated they were traveling in circles.

They began noticing how often US 29 crossed Interstate 10, and every time it did, US 29 was under construction. They began watching for the orange road construction signs and found ‘that bloody 29’ as Terry named it was squarely in the center of the construction zone, sometimes several times.

“What do you think? Why don’t we rent one of those large caravans and travel a bit with Reags, Max, and Ems?”

Diana’s laughter started softly and built. “I can’t see you in sandals, black socks, plaid Bermuda shorts, poking around in the undercarriage storage bins. Nor me in a flowered muu-muu.” She laughed so hard tears were rolling down her face. “No, I can’t see it all.”

“I fancied I’d be in boat shoes, sockless, and those running shorts you like so well.”

“Shirt on or off?”

“Whichever you prefer.”

“Shirt off, for sure. That’s definitely a better picture. Of course we’d never move from the driveway from me jumping your bones, and Reags would be royally pissed.

“Can you imagine Reags and I cooped up in an RV together for any length of time? We’d be fighting over who made the better meatloaf. You and Max would have to break up the fight. Max and I would get into it over the better way to train a horse to perform a passage, and you and Reags would be on the sidelines rolling your eyes. Then I’d have to beat on you. All that would be before we left the Dallas County line. That’s even before I start bitching about being cooped up with a crying baby.

“How would you and Max figure out who had to clean the head? I can’t see either one of you volunteering for that duty. You’ve also said a little Reags goes a long way for you.

“Have you completely lost your mind?”

The longer Terry thought of the ramifications, the easier it was for him to agree with Diana and to join in her laughter. “Perhaps when we’re retired and mellower than we are now.”

Diana slumped against the door, still laughing. A white streak blew past them. The Porsche seemed to be standing still.

“Whoa! That car’s too ugly to be going that fast.”

“How fast are you going?”

“While I was laughing, I crept up to 85.”

“They must be doing 100 or 110.”

An hour later, they saw their first Florida State trooper on the shoulder with the fast, ugly white car pulled over. Diana moved to the inside lane to allow the trooper room to write.

“Ya reckon the fugly car had its cruise control set to the speed limit?”

“Oh, stop it. You made your point. Any tickets I get while I’m driving I’ll pay.

“Karma’s a bitch, little, ugly, white car. I hope I don’t regret saying that.”

Terry and Diana walked into the reception area of their home base in Jacksonville. They thought they’d arrived early enough to find the University of North Florida and attend the open practice Souths had added. They had no notion of when practice would start.

Terry’s slow smile crawled up his face when he looked to the small lobby. He’d find out easily when practice was; the young guns of South Sydney sprawled in every available chair. By chance, he and Diana were staying in the same hotel as the team.

Diana tugged on his hand. She had the stupidest grin on her face. She’d recognized Isaac Luke straight away.

Check in was a labored affair as the desk clerks had to repeat their information several times. Diana kept turning to look at the team, then returning her attention to the clerks, who never cracked a smile, to ask a question they had already covered if she’d only been paying attention. The clerks had the patience of saints, and the team seemed oblivious to her gawking.

Terry picked up both bags and nudged Diana toward the elevators. Diana stopped beside Isaac Luke.

“Excuse me. Could you tell me what time practice is today?”

Luke looked up and flashed his terrific smile. Diana wanted to adopt him on the spot. “Practice is at two.”

Another Australian voice corrected his teammate. “It’s 2:30. The bus comes for us at two.”

“Thank you,” she muttered as Terry moved her on once again.

Diana was so rattled she couldn’t find the elevator call button. Beau Champion pointed it out to her, demonstrated its use, and pressed the floor Terry and Diana needed. The same stupid grin hadn’t left her face in the 18 minutes it had taken them to register. To put it bluntly, she looked …simple, and not in a good way.

During Terry and Diana’s stay, they rarely had an elevator ride without hot and cold running footy players with them. Terry was grateful Roy Asotasi was never one of them.

The speed and conditioning practice was held on a field adjoining the stadium. Terry and Diana sat in the stands eating lunch and enjoying the warm sunshine; this was one of the two days during their stay one could, in all good conscience, call ‘nice.’ Diana began to understand she hadn’t lost her tension as Terry had. Perhaps she wasn’t as relaxed behind the wheel as he. She leaned back, letting her muscles release, and sighed contentedly. Terry looked over the seating and made his choice for where they would sit for the game – midway up, in the center.

“Up, up. Up, up, up.” Terry encouraged her. “Let’s go have a squidge at the calisthenics. You can compare it to American football.”

“All right, but I was beginning to remember how much I love hanging out at spring training. I want to come back over here and just soak up the sun after training. Our balcony faces east so it will be in shade by the time we get back to the hotel.”

Souths speed and conditioning that day was much the same as what American football teams do for warm up. Ball handling skills training was significantly different reflecting the different natures of the games. Terry wandered a few yards away; a distinguished looking gentleman had engaged him in conversation.

The equipment guy, Russell Sneeden, on the sidelines was beginning to be inundated with loose balls flying at him. They had to be returned quickly so as not to impede practice. Diana had seen enough. The guy needed help, and she thought she could at least round them up from the sidelines for him. She wouldn’t dare toss one back onfield – no skill. She called out to Russell as she approached.

“Would you like for me to shag balls for you?”

Terry’s head snapped up, and he listened for what would be said next. Diana remained blissfully ignorant of what she’d just uttered.

“Pardon me?” The hard working equipment man couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.

Diana repeated herself. This time what she’d just said registered, but not until after the words had left her mouth, much too late to stuff them back down her gullet.

“Would you like for me to shag balls for you?”

She immediately turned beet red and started thinking of how she might respond to the ribald comments that were sure to follow. Terry placed his hands on his thighs and reared back laughing; the only time he ever took on that pose was when Dino had told a particularly filthy but funny joke.

Russell, the equipment guy, stopped what he was doing and looked at her appraisingly. Deciding taking the piss with this woman would likely be all right, he launched into his chat-up lightly.

“You know, we Australians use that word in a different manner. I think it means something different for us.” His smile was barely contained.

Diana hung her head, laughing. “I know that. Chalk it up to my misspent youth around baseball. When you round up baseballs, you shag balls.”

“So my time in Jacksonville hasn’t suddenly turned for the better?”

“Unfortunately, no. That was not a come-on, or do we use that phrase differently, too?”

“I’d heard that the women in Jacksonville were friendly, but I hadn’t heard you were that cheeky.” The banter, now that it had begun, was easy. “Just a bit of a joke there, Love. I haven’t had that good a laugh in yonks.”

Terry had let her twist in the wind long enough. He walked back to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Diana, we may have to go back to the hotel for a vocabulary refresher course.”

Coach Jason Taylor, known by one and all as JT, blew his whistle and motioned toward the football field. The team finished up their individual drills and began their slow progress to the second half of practice. Some stopped at the water table for a drink. The handful of spectators also filtered through the same break in the temporary barrier with the players.

Russell’s name was called; several female heads turned to see if it was ‘the’ Russell or some other similarly named man.

Russell, the unlucky equipment guy, added one more suggestion as he gathered up bags, balls, and stray rolls of tape. “Be sure you teach her the difference between root and cheer.”

Terry leaned down to speak so only Diana could hear. “We’ve lived together how long? You keep saying to think before you speak? You wanted to be a fly on the wall at practice?

“I believe we have a massive failure on two counts here.”

At the Walkabout party on Friday night, Australian accents were so thick Terry mingled with even more ease than normal. He and Diana were talking with a group as the party wound down. Diana was almost hoarse from trying to talk over the band. Thankfully, they were on a break.

“No, really. You need to wait 15 more minutes, and JT will be here. I went to school with the Rabbitohs coach.” The bloke looked much too …unkempt to be a close friend of the very together man Terry and Diana had seen in the hotel and at practice.

“He got lost coming from the hotel.” That was the moment Diana chose to call the man’s bluff. The Walkabout was a straight shot from the hotel; there was no way anyone could get lost.

The bet was Diana would shout the small group should JT show up. If JT didn’t, the bloke would buy.

Almost as if he was cued, Jason Taylor walked up to handshakes all around. Diana made a quick head count and walked to the beer tent. The fellow who had been flirting with Diana and trying desperately to impress her followed her. She smiled her thanks to him because six beers were too many for her to carry in one trip. It had been a long time since she had served as a bar maid.

The small group had dwindled by two when Diana and her would-be beau returned, and she ended up with three beers in her hands. JT had declined when the wannabe suitor had offered him a glass.

Diana screwed up her courage. “Coach, are you sure you don’t want one?”

JT shook his head.

“Well, would you do me a favor and hold one so I can drink?”

JT has a very nice smile, particularly when he’s helping a damsel in distress.

Diana’s reaction to her first hit-up in a live rugby league game was a joy for Terry to behold. After the first few tackles he stopped watching her and settled into the game.

When the Rabbitohs went on attack, she started leaning into him. As it was a dreary day, he read her lean as being her request to snuggle into his warmth and put his arm around her. He completely misread her intention. She leaned only when the Rabbitohs were on attack; she was doing her best with her own body English to help the Bunnies.

In the second half, she ended up lying across Terry’s chest with her unsuccessful efforts to help them win. Close but no cigar. Leeds 26, South Sydney 24.

The drive home was anti-climactic. Neither of them could talk on the Sunday they left. Diana’s voice was toad-like from all the talking she’d done in smoky, noisy places. Terry was coming down with a cold from sitting in the 54 degree showers during the game; he didn’t think he’d ever be warm again.

Close to Tallahassee, Diana turned to her sniffly driver and croaked, “You know, Asotasi’s thighs aren’t as big as I had expected.”

NOTES

Pantsing	A junior high custom in the US where one guy walks up behind another in a school hallway and yanks his pants down.
Central	Central Expressway, often called 75, is a major north/south freeway through Dallas.
Keying	To show extreme displeasure with another driver, the upset party uses a key to scratch the paint on the offending driver’s car, often from front to back, once the car is parked.
Mae West	A life preserver. Named after an actress who was well endowed.
Gator Crossing	Crocodilians actually do leave the swamps and walk across the roads. Yellow traffic signs warn of heavily used crossings.

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